In these difficult times, relationships are strained to their limits.
In the past 30 years, as a therapist, mediator attorney, I have created a process for helping individuals and couples to add passion to their marriage or compassion to their divorce.
It's called the Compassionate Mediation® Program.
I‘d like to give you the Roadmap so that you can use it with your clients now.
You can use it in person. You can use it online,
And you could offer healing and transformation when the world needs it the most.
Please get your FREE Roadmap and the Video short introduction, and we'll stay connected.
There are many more tools that I want to offer you.
From my heart to yours, please take advantage of the 30 years of experience I've had as an IFS (Internal Family Systems therapist, mediator, attorney, Chopra certified teacher of meditation, Ayurveda and yoga.
I put it all together in one program, and I'm offering it to you.
Please join me. And I look forward to staying connected.
If, after this challenging year and quarantine, you’re not sure what you want to do about your relationship, then this blog post is for you.
Many years ago, I was facing a similar crossroads.
There wasn’t a pandemic, but my world did turn upside down…
I faced the possibility that my twenty-year marriage to my beloved college sweetheart might be headed towards “irreconcilable differences.”
I Wanted to Save My Marriage.
I finally convinced my husband to go to marriage counseling, but the counselor was not very helpful… and our issues persisted.
Perhaps we had each thought about leaving, but we didn’t want to talk about THAT, because we thought the counseling would be over and we would have to find attorneys.
So we didn’t talk about that “elephant in the room.”
And we went back to carrying on and making do and neither one of us was really happy…
After a very long period of parallel living, or loud confrontations, or days of silence, we decided to separate….
I hoped that the distance would help us both realize how much we loved each other and would then fight to rebuild our marriage.
But that wasn’t what happened.
We had not learned how to communicate, so we got further apart.
At first, we went through the motions of co-parenting our two young daughters.
We came up with our own schedule of having them live with me with his seeing them as often as he wanted, and sleepovers at his place when schedules allowed.
We kept our finances joint.
We even did some outings as a family.
Sometimes we looked like an example of a respectful separation…
But deep down, my heart was breaking as I saw our marriage slipping away and my family been torn apart.
I Stayed “Stuck” for Years
Although I was a licensed attorney, nothing prepared me for living a separation.
I went to counseling on my own, and I even became a certified mediator to learn how to navigate the situation.
I thought I was doing a good thing by keeping my family “together” – even though we were living apart…
I thought with time, we could resolve our differences and still find our way back to each other..
I was afraid of being alone, losing our financial security, dating again, and living without the man I had promised to love forever.
I stayed in limbo… not wanting to upset the situation.
I stayed in delusion… thinking that just because we were each dating other people, those relationships could end…
I stayed in denial...not wanting to admit the obvious.
But the distance continued, and we stayed separated until…
We Finally Agreed to Get Divorced.
First I filed, then he filed in a different venue, then we delayed it for years for various reasons, and stayed separated and in the divorcing process for almost a decade!
My sleep and health suffered…
My sleep diminished…
And my smile hid the deep sadness in my heart.
Eventually we started dating other people and leading separate lives.
I then went back to school to get my Masters in Counseling and I become a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor.
It was my third professional degree and the one that most resonated with my heart.
And I think during all that time, a Part of me was hoping that we could learn a better way to communicate (or wave a Magic Wand) and keep our family intact and grow old together happily.
But that didn’t happen.
He reconnected with a lovely old friend from high school with whom he started living and later became his wife.
I dated in some long term relationships, and a part of me STILL hoped for that fairy tale ending.
Finally I faced the fact that we were truly getting divorced, and I had to prepare myself as best I could.
I hired an attorney, and so did he.
He eventually hired three different attorneys … and we spent years in and out of court.
Our legal bills mounted.
Our communication deteriorated,
And the devastation of the typical adversarial divorce process was affecting our children, our families and our friends.
But the road we were on felt like it was leading to disaster – financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
One day, as we were sitting in the courtroom while our attorneys were back in the judge’s office discussing our futures (without us present), I knew there had to be a better way.
There HAD to be a better way to get divorced!
Shortly after that I met Dick Schwartz when he was first sharing Internal Family Systems
…. and what it meant to be “in SELF.”
And my process of Compassionate Mediation® was created.
Compassionate Mediation was merging all my degrees – as a therapist, mediator and attorney,… and later a Chopra -certifide teacher of meditation, yoga and Ayurveda…
and helping my individual and couples clients to add passion to their marriage or compassion to their divorce.
And for the next 30 years, I helped thousands of individuals and couples to heal and transform their relationships – no matter what form it took in the future.
I offered them the emotional and spiritual healing and legal and financial information and support that I had wished someone could have given me.
However, just because I created the process, it didn’t mean my estranged husband believed in it.
So I had to practice it alone….and it still helped our situation to eventually resolve in the highest good for all concerned…
I wrote a Prayer the night before the date of our final dissolution, and I gave it to my soon-to-be ex-husband and our lawyers..
And even though our marriage finally ended with as much SELF-leadership as possible…
It was still ten years later…
Hundreds of thousands of fees…
And deep wounds on both sides.
I Want to Help You Avoid the Pain My Family Suffered
The night before I was to be in court to finalize my divorce after a very long separation, I was moved to convert my sadness, hurt and anger into hope for a new beginning.
I wrote a prayer.
When I arrived at the courtroom, I gave a copy to my formerly beloved (and soon to be ex) husband and to his attorney. I hoped to end our marriage in a way that would set the tone for a peaceful and respectful co-creation of our future restructured family.
I wanted us to always be able to Compassionately Communicate — to connect our highest and best SELF, let go of all the limiting (and judgmental) beliefs we held, unburden pain from the past, and relate from our hearts.
I hoped we could protect our children from the shrapnel of any more animosity or conflict.
I offered it as my prayer, and for some, it can be an intention. It was my heartfelt request for a future of respectful co-parenting, genuine friendship and Compassionate Communication.
I hope others can set the same intention or recite the same prayer.
My Prayer for a Peaceful Parting
I pray for a peaceful and respectful settlement meeting, in which all parties come together from their Highest Selves and their truest connection to Your guidance, wisdom and love.
I pray that the parts of ourselves that are angry, fearful, defensive, revengeful, retributive, punitive, unloving, unforgiving, sad, young, abandoned, resentful, negative, hurting and hurtful – that all these parts be quelled with the leadership of the Self, coming from a place of trust in Your presence and light.
I pray for compassion, forgiveness, gratitude and appreciation. Although our marriage has come down to a business closing of money and asset division, I ask that we remember the love that brought us together, and the wonderful children, which our union has borne. For their sakes as well as our own, we wish to put an end to this process in as respectful and loving a way as possible.
Although we each carry our sadness and pain and mutual regrets, I pray that we can look beyond this difficult period to a time when we can be friends and coexist peacefully. I pray that our once intact family can be rearranged to two intact and loving homes, where our children feel connected and comfortable. I pray that we can hold in a different light the love that once joined us forever; that on the deepest level we wish each other well as we let go and let G-d direct our lives.
For the sake of all we once had, and for all we had planned to share together, let us now finalize the terms of our marital dissolution so that we are both free to get on with our lives.
Let us complete this last painful task with a sense of trust in the love we once shared and hopefully can remember after this part is over.
Let us not work from purely simple and self-serving motives, but keep in mind the general welfare of each of us, and our children.
Let us request our attorneys to contribute what is needed for the mutual benefit of all concerned.
In the end, let us know that we behaved civilly, that we can look back with a clear conscience, and that as much as we could, we came from our hearts. G-d bless us and direct us all. Amen.
His lawyer looked it over, and jokingly asked him, “Are there any changes you want to make in this document?”
We all laughed —sometimes through our tears – which is kind of like life
Even in the heartache, there can come healing and hope.
I am happy to announce that I am starting a certification program for therapists and coaches, and also mediators, attorneys, clergy, counselors, to help people communicate better and to resolve their differences.
Over 30 years ago, I combined my degrees in therapy, mediation and law.
I've taken courses at the Chopra center. I'm a meditation teacher, yoga teacher and Aryuveda teacher.
I combine the psychological and spiritual, the legal and financial information that I want to give to you so that you can give it to your clients.
Together we can help change the face of divorce and conflict in general, one heart at a time.
I'd love to give you the benefit of my 35 years of degrees and experience to let you take this process of Compassionate Mediation, wherever you are in the world and use it to help your clients.
So please, you can check out that page, Linda kroll.com/certify and get all the details.
And if you're a therapist or a coach, you can get up to 40 hours of continuing education credits.
My course is approved by the National Board of Certified Counselors and by the International Coach Federation.
Please let me share all I've attained over the last 35 years and give it to you and let me know@lindaandlindakrolll.com. If you have any questions, if you want to talk to me personally and find out if it's a fit
I have the benefit of all of my scripts, templates, outlines, handouts contracts, and I'd like to share it with you. So please join me in the certification process.
Wouldn't it be nice if families could be peacefully and respectfully restructured,
I want to offer you the skill set that I've developed based on ifs therapy, based on higher consciousness, which includes the psychological and spiritual healing along with emotional and financial and legal support.
Do you ever wish you had tools for your couples in conflict?
I know there've been times when I was starting out. I used to watch my counseling sessions get hijacked by an angry participant. And until I learned how to practice the skills I want to share with you, I would often not know how to handle that angry participant, but with Compassionate Mediation, you help people connect with empathy and get to the pain and sadness underneath so that the anger dissipates.
Compassionate Mediation also helps you serve more clients because you become an expert in the field of conflict resolution. You offer a deeper healing and transformation and you have a unique skillset.
If your clients are considering a divorce, you know the information to share with them.
It doesn't mean you have to be a lawyer or a mediator. It means you have to know enough to talk about the issues that they need to resolve to move forward.
There are many times when people are in individual counseling or couples counseling and one, or both have thought about what would a divorce look like.
But they don't even want to talk about it because they're scared if they do it makes it too real.
Compassionate Mediation lets you talk about everything, including what a possible ending would look like so that they can create a new beginning.
The reason I am asking for your help is because there is so much I want to offer, and so many different choices I could be focusing on right now.
What might interest you?
Please click on any and all and I’ll know what to follow up with you in the future.
For individuals and couples:
Create the Relationship You Desire and Deserve video series with a PDF of my book, Compassionate Mediation®: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce.
This series helps you relate from you best SELF, decide what you truly want and need, and make positive changes in your relationships.
2. Should I Stay or Go Video Series, with the audio and e-book of “What You Need to Know If You’re Thinking of Divorce.”
If you’re not sure what you want to do about your current relationship, or you would like some inspiration to make positive changes now, this will help you figure it out.
This is a six hour video series of everything I've offered my clients as a therapist, mediator, attorney, Chopra-certified teacher of meditation, yoga, and Ayurveda.
That's all in my compassionate mediation program.
For Professionals – therapists, mediators, attorneys, coaches, and clergy:
Everything I've learned in the last 35 years, both personally and professionally, I want to give to you so that you can give it to your clients.
These are the current five options for me to offer you my guidance and support:
Create the Relationship You Desire video series plus a PDF of my book on Compassionate Mediation®: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce.
Should I Stay or Go video series plus “What to Know about Divorce” ebook and audio, plus PDF of my book on Compassionate Divorce™: Changing the Face of Divorce, One Heart at a Time
Tools for Your Practice 3 hour workshop for professional CEU's for therapists and coaches.
Certification in Compassionate Mediation for Professionals.
Please let me know what you'd like me to focus on for you, and I’ll keep you posted on future offerings.
I also want to invite you to join me in the Compassionate Communication Community on Facebook, where hundreds from around the world are connecting, supporting, inspiring and enjoying the camaraderie and shared information.
I offer LIVE trainings in Compassionate Communication at 1:00 Central on Tuesdays, and trainings in Compassionate Mediation® at 5:00 Central on Thursdays.
I have other experts sharing their wisdom, and it’s a place to connect, network, share and give and receive support.
I also hope we’re all having FUN too,
I'm giving away as much as I can to share the benefit of all I've learned.
I look forward to connecting with you there, so that you can be sharing with me and the hundreds of people from all over the world who have already joined.
I look forward to staying connected and I'll talk to you soon.
Reviews of Linda's Book Compassionate Mediation® For Relationships at a Crossroads: Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce
“I was at a difficult point in my marriage when I found Linda's Compassionate Mediation book.I felt stuck, anxious, powerless to fix my relationship with my husband, and unsure of who to turn to for help.
I picked up the book, and it changed my life.
Linda's story made me feel not alone in my struggle, and her description of the qualities of true Self gave me hope.She spoke to me through that book and helped me find my way back to love and happiness.It launched me on a new path of transformation, not only in my marriage, but in my parenting relationships and in my life as a whole.
Now I see that the struggle that seemed so dark at the time was only a step, and an important step, in my journey to greater happiness. I am so grateful that Linda was somehow “there” for me when I needed it most.
Thank you, Linda, for the light you bring! “(My thanks to Genevieve Pollock, https://www.facebook.com/genevieve.pollock)
This is an excellent choice if you are wondering is my relationship over or should I keep trying? As a relationship counselor I meet many couples with just this question.
This is the perfect book for those couples struggling with the question of whether to stay and work at improving their relationship or leave and close down this chapter of their life.
The insights and guidance in this book are well founded drawn from humanistic psychology practices and research as well as Linda’s personal and professional experiences and spirituality.
Because this is such a big life decision couples often worry if they have done all that they can do before leaving their relationship. Using this book as a guide you are directed to turn inward towards yourself and get to know your needs and how to have a compassionate inner dialogue first. Then you are shown how to step back to meeting your partner in ways that speak for your needs calmly with connection to your self and your partner.
From this book you will learn ways to connect with your qualities of calm compassion and be more Self-led in your choices. In this way of relating, it becomes clearer if you can re-ignite your relationship or if it would be best to move into dissolving the relationship.If you find you cannot create a new relationship with your partner ways are demonstrates to reduce your stress and make your decision from a caring compassionate place for yourself and others.She introduces some excellent strategies to ground you and instill calm and confidence as well as questions to guide you in the divorce process. With diminished stress and conflict more meaningful and compassion conversations will co create a future where you both thrive.
Linda Kroll presented professional and appropriate guidance that was very clear and compassionate in itself.
Linda has a very spiritual approach for mediating relationships. Plus she includes practical guidance for people who find themselves in specific situations in their relationships. Her sources are first rate and trending for this time. I read through it easily and quickly and recommend it highly to everyone who has ever had a bump in their relationship road, whether it be a tiny molehill or a gigantic mountain.
Pick this up if you are having marriage or relationship troubles
Linda draws on legal, psychological and spiritual sources which may be new or familiar to readers. And so, she sets the stage for her method of approaching this life crisis with respect and compassion for all involved. In the core of the book, Linda explains her steps to crafting a peaceful, constructive, and healing process of either reconciliation or divorce and how to navigate the consequences of either decision. A great book to read in tandem with “Conscious Uncoupling” by Katherine Woodward
Compassion is the key ingredient's in all relationships!
Linda Kroll gets right down to business with a guide that will inspire and encourage healing and wholeness in your marriage and yourself as a single person of divorce.
Ahhhhh ! This book is a breath of fresh air in the business of mediation and divorce. Finally something worth reading. Gave me practical tools for bringing higher consciousness, mindfulness, SELF-leadership, and loving-kindness to relationship healing.
This book is a blessing. It is a refreshing approach not only to those considering or going through divorce but to all relationships and especially the relationship you have with yourself. Thank you Linda for this beautiful gift. You are changing lives and I believe in the long run changing the worlds outlook about divorce.One person found this helpful=
Great author. She is the “Real Deal”. Very compassionate in person and in her authenticity. HIghly suggested reading for anyone facing the divorce process of working with those going through it.
Everyone can benefit from the kindness found in this book. Relationships are truly the core of life, and navigating them is one of life's biggest challenges. Linda Kroll provides a roadmap to help readers do just that. I found this book to be one of the most insightful I have ever read and highly recommend it to others. This is the best. I read this as someone who whas been affected by both Marriage and Divirce (both twice.) Wish I had read Linda's book and advice before all the grief. Linda, you're now a blessing to all us singles who want to avoid the grief of marriage/divorce. Thank you!
Linda Kroll has nailed it! She has compiled her wealth of knowledge, insight and wisdom in an easy to read volume. Those struggling with a relationship dilemma are going to find this book very, very worthwhile!
Heartfelt, wise, clear and inspiring! Linda Kroll's Compassionate Mediation will help with every relationship in your life! This book is most definitely a “must read,” it's a life-changer…
Reviews of Kindle Book: Compassionate Divorce™: Changing the Face of Divorce, One Heart at a Time
A Compassionate Divorce is possible! We don’t have to hate the person we married just because it isn’t working out for us together anymore. For our children’s sakes, and for our own, we owe it to ourselves to learn how to communicate better than we have before.
Linda Kroll shares her personal story of love and loss as well as her professional expertise as a therapist, mediator and attorney. She reminds us that we are both hurt, sad, and scared, no matter how angry, guilty, or reactive we feel.
Once we have compassion for ourselves, we can offer more compassion to our partner, and from a higher perspective, create a new beginning as a “re-structured family.” Thank you, Linda, for lighting the way for a better way to resolve conflict, and to heal wounds from the past. This should be required reading for anyone considering a divorce!
Linda Kroll is a therapist, mediator and attorney, as well as a Chopra certified master teacher of meditation, yoga and perfect health. She brings all of her skills, plus her personal story of love and divorce, to her process of Compassionate Mediation® leading to a Compassionate Divorce™. At first it doesn’t make sense, because if we could be compassionate, we could stay together. (And some people can start over with this process and stay together and create a better marriage.) But if you’re getting a divorce, or past a divorce, not sure what you want to do, read this book to remind yourself that you can have a kinder, gentler parting and make decisions from what Linda calls your highest and best SELF. This should be required reading for anyone considering a divorce!
Wow, finally a book on divorce that isn’t all about aggression and fighting. Even if you’re the only one to recognize that a better divorce is possible, you can make it happen. No need to get locked in battles or spend the rest of your lives avoiding someone who is the other parent of your children. Find a way to communicate that fosters a better connection than the one you are leaving. Do yourself a favor and read this book and heal your heart even as you divorce.
Linda Kroll has been helping individuals and couples for over 25 years. In this interactive book – with links to free gifts and free videos – she offers her perspective and guidance on creating a better way to end a marriage. I wish I could have shared her wisdom with many friends who have suffered from a typical divorce. This book makes a great gift for someone you know who is struggling with indecision, caught in a typical adversarial and costly divorce, or who is long past their divorce and wants to have a better relationship with their “ex”. It’s possible with Compassionate Mediation® and Compassionate Divorce™.
I share how to come from your best SELF, how to acknowledge the “Parts” of you that are ambivalent about what you want to do, and how to create a new relationship with compassionate communication.
We all get “grumpy” from time to time, but learning how to speak from our highest and best SELF is what will allow us to truly show up and not have to hide our feelings and carry around the baggage of our resentments.
Whatever your situation — whether you are:
Hoping to make your relationship better
Feel “stuck” or want to separate
Going through a divorce
Past your divorce
A professional who wants to learn how to use this process
There is a lot to learn in the Introduction and First Chapter.
I look forward to staying connected and giving you the benefit of my 35 years as an internal family systems therapist, as a Chopra- certified teacher of meditation, yoga and Ayurveda.
This book and the introduction and first chapter blends the emotional, spiritual, legal, and financial information and support that I offer you so that you can take it into your relationship.
You can also take it into your professional capacity, and we truly can add more compassionate communication to the world.
