I want to invite you to do is to reach out, to reach out for help, to reach out to me, to reach out to a counselor because my hope is that Compassionate Mediation becomes a new paradigm for conflict resolution,
I hope that people all over the world will have access to these tools so they can implement them when there is a convict.
I mean, eventually I hope they teach it in schools and on playgrounds and in boardrooms and in politics so that, we can all bring higher self-awareness into conscious conflict resolution.
I was joyfully married to my college sweetheart, and about 20 years into the marriage with two wonderful daughters, we were looking at a divorce, sadly, and we didn't have these tools.
So unfortunately, we struggled for a long time. We stayed separated for a very long time.
And during that time I thought I was being helpful to my family because we weren't really divorced yet. But the ambivalence was really difficult. We both were dating other people. It was a very confusing, very long time
And I remember there was one time we were, had a status call in court and I sat in the courtroom and my beloved soon-to-be ex-husband was sitting on the other side of the room.
And I remembered thinking back that this was the man I married. This was the man that was there from when our children were born. This is the other grandfather to our three wonderful grandchildren.
And this is not how it's supposed to be. There has to be a better way to do this.
And I remember sitting in the courtroom and I as woo woo as it sounds, I just remember visioning some pink light coming down, some light from God, the heavens to say, we can sit in compassion.
We can know that there's a higher purpose, that we've come to this moment, and we don't have to go the typical route to get divorced.
And in that time, I sent compassion in his direction and we did resolve it. And it had its ups and downs.
So even if both parties aren't aware of this process, you can align your heart with the intention that you are going to bring consciousness, higher self, calm, compassion into this process. And everybody can benefit.
Even if your partner is upset, it's one of you that's upset at family gatherings, not both of you. Your children aren't necessarily in the middle. And over time, that compassion can forge a whole new bond that your family can marinate in, in whatever form it takes.
I wrote the book to help you – Compassionate Mediation® for Relationships at a Crossroad: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce.
Do you ever get the feeling that you're feeling like this, and that's how you communicating with someone. Doesn't have to be that way. You can learn how to come from your highest and best self and talk about your inner children.Talk about your pain and your sadness and your fear and your Hertz and your hopes and your dreams and your love. And that's what we're going to do in our new self-love. And self-compassion that's coming up soon. So please join me with Marcy Newman, the hardship coach, as we give you tips on how to add more love and laughter and joy to your life, starting now with your own self care and compassionate communication. So we look forward to seeing you soon and please join us. Bye for now.
Welcome to the new Compassionate Communication and Compassionate Mediation Community.
Whether you're here for your personal use — to learn how to relate better to the people in your lives — or whether you're a professional, (a therapist, mediator, attorney, coach, or clergy) who would like to learn how to offer Compassionate Mediation® and help your clients learn more compassionate communication…
Whether you're here for your personal growth or professional growth, I'm glad you're here.
I'd like to offer tips each week on how you can learn to communicate from your highest and best self and help your clients do the same.
First, I'd like to offer you a free gift — Compassionate Communication Care Kit
I offer you SIX KEYS to begin to improve all your relationships today!
You can see how applying these Keys will help you create the relationships you truly desire and deserve.
Key Number One: Lower Your Walls.
What does that mean?
Think of a troubling relationship that you have with someone right now.
It might be a partner. It might be someone at work. It might be your child. It might be your parent.
Recognize what are the walls that you've put up around your heart to protect yourself from being hurt by this person?
And what story are you telling yourself about this person, about how you're being treated, about the relationship, about them?
Do you see yourself as a victim in some way?
And how are you managing that? How are you defending yourself? Are you angry? Are you withholding, are you shut down or are you resigned?
What do you need to feel safe to lower your walls?
That's Key Number One.
Key Number Two is: CHANGE YOUR FILTERS.
What does that mean?
What are the judgments that you're telling yourself about this other person?
“They always do this. They never do that.”
What are the judgments you're telling yourself about yourself — that you “could have done better, you should have left sooner, or you shouldn't talk to them anymore, or you're being too weak.”
What are you telling yourself? And how open are you to changing those filters and changing those judgments.
Offer yourself a new perspective.: #1 lower your walls. #2: change your filters.
Key Number Three is to FORGIVE YOURSELF.
Forgiving yourself is sometimes hard to do.
You've done the best you knew how to do. If you knew how to do better, you would've done better. And considering your family of origin, considering your upbringing, considering the experiences you've had up until now, you've done the best you knew how to do.
And so has this other person.
As you forgive yourself, you're going to have more room to forgive the other person.
You can lower your walls. You'll change your filters. You forgive yourself and eventually the other person.
Key Number Four is to STAY in the PRESENT.
And what does that mean?
It means you stop living in the past. You stop letting what's happening in the moment, trigger memories of the past. And also you stop projecting into the future that the way the past relationship has been is that it's always going to be this way.
So stay in the present moment and you'll have much more opportunities to make change.
if it's so if it's not okay in the end, it's not the end.
So keep on keeping on. To recap briefly again: #1 lower your walls, #2 change your filters, #3 forgive yourself, #4stay in the present.
Key Number Five is BE GRATEFUL.
This means you look at the half full part of the glass, not the half empty.
I'm sure there are challenges in the relationship that you're considering, but there's also good things. And there have been good things.
See if you can find some things to be grateful for — because in gratitude, you're going to have a much better chance of creating a better relationship.
Key Number Six is WRITE A NEW STORY.
When you write a new story, make yourself the Hero.
Know that you have choices.
Know that you have options.
Know that you have the ability to bring your best self into this relationship.
That's what I will help you do in my upcoming program
6 Keys to Improve All Your Relationships:
A Course on Compassionate Communication
We're going to work together over four weeks, one hour a week.
I'm going to help you connect to your best SELF — so that you can bring your calm, compassionate, courageous, confident, centered self to your relationship now — so that you're not reacting in negative ways, but you actually can bring a lot more empathy and compassion.
Then the next week, I'm going to help you let go of your limiting beliefs, all those judgments that make up your walls and make up your filters.
We're going to let go of those.
And in the third week, we're going to talk about how to unburden pain from the past so that you don't have to carry that well of feelings with you into the present moment and project them into the future.
And the fourth week where we're going to learn how to relate from your heart.
I hope you'll join me in the upcoming compassionate communication course where I'll help you
lower your walls,
change your filters
forgive yourself (and the other person)
stay in the present
write a new story.
And you can use these keys to open the door to brand new relationships with the people in your life.