I want to invite you to do is to reach out, to reach out for help, to reach out to me, to reach out to a counselor because my hope is that Compassionate Mediation becomes a new paradigm for conflict resolution,
I hope that people all over the world will have access to these tools so they can implement them when there is a convict.
I mean, eventually I hope they teach it in schools and on playgrounds and in boardrooms and in politics so that, we can all bring higher self-awareness into conscious conflict resolution.
I was joyfully married to my college sweetheart, and about 20 years into the marriage with two wonderful daughters, we were looking at a divorce, sadly, and we didn't have these tools.
So unfortunately, we struggled for a long time. We stayed separated for a very long time.
And during that time I thought I was being helpful to my family because we weren't really divorced yet. But the ambivalence was really difficult. We both were dating other people. It was a very confusing, very long time
And I remember there was one time we were, had a status call in court and I sat in the courtroom and my beloved soon-to-be ex-husband was sitting on the other side of the room.
And I remembered thinking back that this was the man I married. This was the man that was there from when our children were born. This is the other grandfather to our three wonderful grandchildren.
And this is not how it's supposed to be. There has to be a better way to do this.
And I remember sitting in the courtroom and I as woo woo as it sounds, I just remember visioning some pink light coming down, some light from God, the heavens to say, we can sit in compassion.
We can know that there's a higher purpose, that we've come to this moment, and we don't have to go the typical route to get divorced.
And in that time, I sent compassion in his direction and we did resolve it. And it had its ups and downs.
So even if both parties aren't aware of this process, you can align your heart with the intention that you are going to bring consciousness, higher self, calm, compassion into this process. And everybody can benefit.
Even if your partner is upset, it's one of you that's upset at family gatherings, not both of you. Your children aren't necessarily in the middle. And over time, that compassion can forge a whole new bond that your family can marinate in, in whatever form it takes.
I wrote the book to help you – Compassionate Mediation® for Relationships at a Crossroad: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce.
Compassionate Mediation® is a transformational process of conflict resolution that will help you add passion to your marriage or compassion to your divorce. .
How do the stories you tell yourself about someone affect how you show up in your relationship?
“She always does this.”
“He never does that.”
What are the beliefs that keep you in conflict, even if the conflicts are within your own mind?
Check out what you're telling yourself about the expectations, the disappointments, the “shoulds,” the stories – and just make a note in your mind.
Think about how painful this relationship is to you.
Does it make you feel scared or sad or unloved or vulnerable?
What are the feelings that you're feeling and where do you feel them in your body, in your heart, in your chest and your throat, your back, so check out.
What would it be like for you if you didn't have to tell yourself those stories?
If you didn't have to feel the feelings of pain or sadness or disappointmentand you could truly relate from your heart.
Here are FOUR TIPS to help!.
The first tip is Connect to Your Best SELF.
What does that mean?
I'm an IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapist and Dick Schwartz, the founder of IFS always talks about SELF as having eight C qualities: C as in courageous, calm, connected, curious, confident, compassionate, clear, creative.
And I always add grateful.
When you're feeling all those calm, compassionate feelings, you're “in SELF.”
However, we're not usually “in SELF in all our relationships.
What happens is in our interactions, we get triggered.
When we get triggered, it triggers some deep wounds at times, and instead of acknowledging our pain or our fear, we try to manage it.
We go about our business or we try to ignore it, or we try to stay busy.
Even as we're trying to manage our lives, those exiled feelings come out, and we have out in ways that cause stress. Those behaviors cause stress for us, but they ten cause stress for other people.
Some people eat too much, drink too much, get addicted to things, get enraged, go have an affair.
There's all different ways to try to get extreme because you can't manage your feelings and you can't acknowledge the exiled feelings that you're not talking about.
When you're “in SELF.”, you recognize that you're a human being, but you're really a spiritual being who is having a human experience.
What does that mean?
It means that you're divine. It means that whatever spirit, soul, God, nature, higher self means to you – that is who you are
Learning how to be “in SELF” will improve all your relationships..
Here are some ways to connect to your best SELF.
You can meditate. You can journal, you can pray, go for a walk. You can take a bath. You can quiet your mind and listen for the messages from your soul.
There's lots of different ways to do that. Whatever brings you peace, brings you back to yourself will help with this first tip to connect to your best SELF.
The second tip is to Let Go of Your Limiting Beliefs.
First of all, you have to know that you have limiting beliefs – all those stories, all those expectations.
Someone wiser than me once said that “Expectations are premeditated resentments.”
Think about that for a moment.
Expectations are premeditated resentments.
If we don't expect, we can't resent the fact that our expectations aren't met.
You may have to leave certain relationships if you're not getting your needs met, but take a look and see how much you're laying your expectations onto someone else and hen being disappointed that they can't deliver it exactly as you wanted.Byron Katie does a lot of good work on her website www.theWork.com.
She has you look at your thoughts and ask yourself four questions.
Byron said that 85% of the problems in life come because we believe our own thoughts.
Think about that.
Just because you have a thought doesn't mean it's true.
Just because you have a story.doesn't mean it's the only way to look at the situation.
Write down a belief and Byron Katie says, ask yourself four questions
Is it true?
Is it a hundred percent true?
How do you feel when you think that thought?
How would you feel if you could let that thought go?
Take a breath, and you'll notice you might think it's true, but it's not a hundred percent true.
You probably noticed that if you could let that thought go, you'd feel much better than you do.
Then she asked you to try on a different thought, because when you have a different thought, you have a different feeling.
When you have a different feeling, you can often show up more “in SELF” because you're going to drop down from your head (and all that judgment) and go into your heart.
Connect to your best SELF, let go of limiting beliefs and then unburden the pain from the past.
The third tip is to Unburden Pain from the Past.
You may need some help with that.
You may need some therapy. You may need to talk to a trusted friend you may need group support. You may need to go to a 12-step program.
When we're carrying around pain from your childhood, pain from when you first got married, or pain from other relationships, and you bring that old pain into the present moment and project it into the future, that keeps you from being in SELF.
It also makes you more vulnerable to being hurt because that well of exiled feelings never gets unburdened.
Internal Family Systems is a great way to get to your higher SELF, let go of those limiting beliefs and judgments, and go back to where the pain was first caused and take better care of yourself.
I want to invite you to check out an IFS therapist in your area, or work with me if you'd like to and see how you can unburden the pain from your past.
Tip number one, connect to your best self
Tip number two, let go of your limiting beliefs,
Tip number three, unburden pain from the past.
The final tip is to Relate from Your Heart.
Take a deep breath with me and connect to your heart.
When you connect to your best self and you're no longer using your belief system to create walls around your heart or filters through which you judge someone else.
When you unburden the pain from the past, you really are a channel of love and a beacon of light.
From that place, all relationships heal.
You may decide you have to leave or you can begin to create boundaries, not cutoffs, and you can do it coming from your higher self.
For my friends that are getting divorced, I invite you to notice that divorce brings out all parts and you have to learn how to speak for the feelings underneath the fear and sadness, because that's what going on for both of you.
Thich Nhat Hanh, the great spiritual leader said that eople like to take sides.
And what we can do is therapist or mediators or coaches or clergy or parents or anyone helping to be of service – is to go to one side in a conflict and tell them about the pain and suffering of the other party.
And then go back to the first party and tell them about the pain and suffering of the other party.
Because once you can have compassion that we're all having the same feelings, we all have the same parts, healing can happen.
We all have the same challenges, and you can come from your higher self and speak with empathy, set your boundaries and be safe.
It's a free gift and it gives you a guided meditation to actually get to SELF, and to experience what it feels like to come from that calm, compassionate center.
It also gives you a four minute overview of Compassionate Communication.
It gives you a Relationship Assessment so you can start to assess how you are showing up in your relationships and it gives you a roadmap to my Compassionate Mediation® process.
I'm so glad you joined me and I have a lot more to share.
Begin to do Guided Meditation…As you do that, you can let go of your limiting beliefs.
You can unburden yourself from pain from the past and the stories you've been telling yourself over and over again, and you don't have to suffer with pain from the past.
You truly can unburden it. You get to see what a burden it is. And as you unburdened it, you can relate from your heart, heart to heart, with someone else.
As you're relating from your heart miracles happen, they really do.
When you change the dynamics, you change the energy between you and that person with whom you’re having a conflict.
Just take one more breath and imagine yourself showing up in the relationship and you don't even have to interact with that person.
You can show up right now and just change your energy. Just stop judging. See if you can stop telling yourself the same stories.
If you can find the inner child in you that needs appreciation, affection, attention, and acceptance and give it to yourself.
Stop looking for it from the other person, give it to yourself and then see what shows up.
As you listen to the Guided Meditation to get to self, you're going to understand that your parts can keep you stuck.
They can keep you telling yourself the same story and dropping into the same foxhole and getting some post-traumatic symptoms from whatever was triggering you in the first place.
Get the guided meditation, learn how to be in self.
As you do that, you'll let go of your limiting beliefs. You'll unburden pain from the past. You'll relate from your heart. That's what I wish for you.
I wish for you the opportunity to become your best self and have all that you desire and deserve.
You can let go or all that you don’t want and take exquisite care of yourself. Also, let’s stay connected in my Compassionate Communication Community on Facebook: Join us HERE: www.CompassionateCommunication.GROUP
If you are a therapist who works with individuals or couples in conflict, I'd like to take a few moments and talk to you about Compassionate Mediation®.
What is Compassionate Mediation?
Compassionate mediation is more than marriage counseling. It's more than divorce counseling. It's a hybrid of both.
It allows your clients to talk about every issue that they may have to conside iIf either one has thought about leaving. ,
It helps you foster discussions to bring more awareness, compassion, mindfulness, and SELF energy into those conversations.
I want to offer you my process of Compassionate Mediation.
My name is Linda Kroll, and I wrote the book Compassionate Mediation for Relationships at a Crossroads: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Diivorce.
And for over 30 years, I have been working with individuals and couples in conflict – providing individual counseling, couples counseling, and divorce mediation.
I put together my degrees in law, mediation, and therapy, and I’m also a Chopra certified teacher of meditation, yoga and Ayurveda.
I bring the spiritual, the emotional, the financial, and the legal healing and guidance and support into one program.
I give you an outline of my process and an introduction as to how to integrate it into your practice now.
Why do I want to offer this process?
The reason I want to share it is because I went through my own divorce and it was a typical adversarial divorce – leave no stone unturned and no damage undone.
I don't want that for you or for your clients or for the world.
So I've spent the last 35 years merging IFS therapy, Internal Family Systems therapy with my training in mediation, in law, and the Chopra Center’s higher consciousness and creating this process that I want to give to you.
How can I give this to you?
When I say give it to you, that's what I want to do.
I want to certify you – if you'd like to be certified – and give you my templates, my outlines, my scripts, my meditations, my contracts.
You can take this process and use it in your practice now, and then take it with you wherever you want to go in the world with it.
You can add more expertise, more impact, and more income to your life using this process.
Please learn more and share this opportunity.
I you're a therapist or if you know, a coach or mediator, attorney, clergy who could use this information, please share it because I'm ready to go.
I'd love for you to be part of it.
If you've already received the roadmap, we'll talk about it and see if this is a fit for you.
I'd love to get to know you and see how Compassionate Mediation can enhance your practice now, either in person or online.
Here’s how Compassionate Mediation helps.
I just need to tell you about someone who called me recently.
Her husband wants a divorce and she doesn't.
He's taking her to mediation and he's filed and she's all distraught.
If you knew how to use Compassionate Mediation, you could help them both navigate this time.
Because sometimes talking about an ending – with what it would mean to give up children's custody some of the time and part with your money and divide the household.
And at the same time, you help them learn how to compassionately communicate – meaning they let go of limiting beliefs as they connect to their highest and best SELF. They unburden pain from the past and they relate from their heart.
When they do that, they can share empathy with each other in ways that they never have before.
Please join me in the Compassionate Mediation process –the introduction, the certification.
Let me give you the benefit of all my years of experience, both personally and professionally,
I look forward to staying connected.
I would love to chat with you to discuss the possibility of working together to share this process so that you can increase you expertise, impact and income…
….. and together we can help change the face of divorce, and conflict in general, one heart at a time.
In these difficult times, relationships are strained to their limits.
In the past 30 years, as a therapist, mediator attorney, I have created a process for helping individuals and couples to add passion to their marriage or compassion to their divorce.
It's called the Compassionate Mediation® Program.
I‘d like to give you the Roadmap so that you can use it with your clients now.
You can use it in person. You can use it online,
And you could offer healing and transformation when the world needs it the most.
Please get your FREE Roadmap and the Video short introduction, and we'll stay connected.
There are many more tools that I want to offer you.
From my heart to yours, please take advantage of the 30 years of experience I've had as an IFS (Internal Family Systems therapist, mediator, attorney, Chopra certified teacher of meditation, Ayurveda and yoga.
I put it all together in one program, and I'm offering it to you.
Please join me. And I look forward to staying connected.
Hi, it's Linda coming to you from the Botanic Gardens.
I'm just so excited that tulips are around, and I wanted to share it with you because I'm here by myself – and it's like, I wish all of my friends were with me.
Look at the gorgeous flowers.
I'm just so excited that tulips are around, and I wanted to share it with you because I'm here by myself – and it's like, I wish all of my friends were with me.
Look at the gorgeous flowers.
My dear friend, Linda W. would have loved the tulips.
It was her favorite. And every time I see a tulip – I think of her.
And every time I see flowers, I think of spring and newness and possibilities and hope and love and joy and friendship.
I just wanted to share this with you.
Look at all the gorgeousness of these flowers. Look at all the possibilities for newness for life.
After this horrible time, I just got to spend some time with my daughter and actually give her a hug, such a joy!
It's like 14 months of no hugs. I hope you can find somebody you can safely hug too.
Just a chance to enjoy the beauty, the newness and the spring and the happiness and the love.
Zoom in on the flowers' gorgeousness.
If you're watching me live, welcome to the Botanic, we'll come back often.
This is where I do my best meditation – where I reset myself in my mind, to quiet the cacophony from the rest of the time.
Yes, it's beautiful… Like the beauty of all of us, we're all ready to spring into the rest of our lives.
Oh, joy.
Anyway, if you're watching, just think about something that you can begin on this beautiful spring day,
Or think about somebody that reminds you of the flowers and bring them into your heart
Think about somebody that you can go give a hug to, literally or figuratively. because we're all craving, touch and connection.
Enjoy the day, enjoy the weather, enjoy the spring and enjoy all the possibilities that are in our lives each and every moment.
Just waiting to spring up, sending you love.
I know it's corny, but I'm so glad you're here.
Anybody else listening later, let's zoom in on the tulips and go have a beautiful day.
I wanted to show you the rest of the Botanic right now.
Look at all those beautiful flowers in bloom.
I'm going to take you on my path to my favorite spot — my little Zen Den where I go and really contemplate life.
I wanted to show you the view from here.
Do you have a place where you can go sometime?
Do you have a place where you can process what you're feeling?
Think about your future with these glorious flowers.
Over there is the Island of Happiness, and they say that you can't really get there.
It's the Island of eternal happiness, and we can't have eternal happiness, but we can have happiness along the way
So what can you do to make yourself happy today?
Make someone else happy. We have probably spent a lot of time trying to make someone else happy.
What can you do to make yourself happy?
I just knew that getting into the Botanic was exactly what I needed.
And since I'm here alone, I thought if I could have you join me, it would just be fantastic.
So this is where I go, and it's been closed for the pandemic.
I haven't been able to get to my Zen Den – where I'd like to be, which is probably emblematic of the whole last year.
We can't get to where we're meant to be.
We have to follow the path and see where it takes us.
Where's your path taking you ?
Here's that view of the everlasting happiness and it says it represents paradise, a place in accessible to mortals.
It has no bridges, footpaths, or other built structures. It should be viewed and contemplated only at a distance.
Well, I guess we can view on contemplating eternal happiness.
And what about happiness each day – I think I'll go for that.
So let's see.
I think they still block the path to my little private Zen Den, which means I have to continue on.
Yes – I’ll zoom in on it.
Yeah. It's my little corner of the world – right there in that corner where I think, meditate, pray.
Whether you're here alive or want to join me later, just follow your path.
Wherever it leads, bring along who makes you happy.
Leave behind what doesn't find a way to find joy and happiness and peace.
Decide and there we go.
Here's my Zen Den, and I'll get back to it soon.
We'll get back to real life soon.
And in the meantime, have a blessed day and enjoy the view.
