All those Parts of me that want to be in control, do it myself, know the right path, have it all figured out, need to know, are afraid to trust, tell me how great I am, tell me how flawed I am, remind me of all the “what if’s, could be’s —and the worst – all those “shoulds.”
All those Parts of me are exhausted, depleted, hopeless, depressed, enervated, bored, unhappy, frustrated, self-pitying, self-aggrandizing, judgmental, blaming, guilty, ashamed, and ready to walk away from everything I’ve created and wanted to offer all of my life.
Uncle. i give up.
But the “i” that is giving up is that little “i,” that “individual “i”, that small self of my ego – finally ready to SURRENDER to the strength of my SOUL.
I’m ready to take on my role as the Channel— which we all are — and release my Ego’s siren’s calls and quiet my mind enough to hear the quiet whispers of my heart’s true desires.
I want to release the cacophony and flow into the peace.
Then I want to do the next right action that brings me joy.
Uncle, I surrender.
Uncle, Here I am (Hineini)
As Rosh Hashana approaches, HERE I AM, Dearest God, asking for forgiveness and willing to listen and respond to what I hear from YOU.
God’s will be done.
I am but the Paint Brush waiting to be used by YOU.
TGKOW/TYDGA
January 9, 2006
The Patient Brush
There once was a brush, all bristly and new
Who wondered about all the things she would do.
She’d paint the skies red. She’d color seas green.
She’d become the best brush that had ever been seen.
She flittered about in a flash and a flurry
And wherever she’d go, she’d rush in a hurry.
So much to do. So much to create.
She could never sit still, and just dry up and wait.
She saw other brushes that made her feel small.
She tried even harder to out-paint them all.
Her bristles got matted. Her handle got rusty.
Her pictures were blurry. Her ideas got musty.
With nowhere to turn and no end in sight.
She frantically busied to make things feel right.
And one day she saw in the bunch an old brush,
Who patiently waited, with no need to rush.
That brush did not care, as it stayed very still.
It had no agenda, no worries, no will.
It just rested and waited, as it seemed to just know
That its purpose was clear when the right time would show.
The Old Brush was present, the Old Brush was clean.
The Old brush was quiet, and almost serene.
The hand of The Painter then slowly descended,
And picked up the Old Brush, with a purpose transcendent.
As the Painter took over, the Old Brush just flew
Creating a masterpiece again and anew.
And the harried brush pondered, feeling lost and depleted,
If it could get quiet would it ever be needed.
It decided to slow down. It got very still.
It surrendered its ego. It gave up its will.
And The Painter could find it when its bristles were needed.
For it had its own purpose when its ego receded.
The Painter could use it to create works anew.
All of which were beyond what that lone brush could do.
So as you scurry and scamper to get through the day.
Can The Painter now find you? Do you get in your way?
If you get still and quiet, when the timing is right,
The Painter can lead you, with no effort or fright.
You will sail through your day with grace, joy and ease.
Which brush are you? Be the patient one please.
For you’ll find we’re all brushes, and each one is great.
We all have seeds of genius, whether we are ready to share them or not.
Instead of letting our egos get in the way — with grandiosity or showing off — we usually let those voices in our head convince us to hold onto all we know in case we will be judged or ridiculed or — some other “horrible” fate.
What if we just got out of our own way?
What if we could TRUST in a power greater than our small self and TUNE in to our deepest desires and have FAITH that we are being divinely inspired?
What if we could just “get out of the way and let go?”
But how do we do that?
How do I do that?
First, I need to take a deep breath, put on my big girl pants and not be afraid to face my fears.
What am I afraid of?
That someone won’t like what I write? (So what? I can’t please everyone.)
They will think it’s corny? (They are probably right. I am corny.)
My children won’t approve? (They often find fault, so what’s new?)
So much that I have written stays hidden from view.
So much of what I have produced is out of sight.
So much of the last seven years of my life feels like I’ve been going in circles.
Maybe that’s because I thought I had to do it all myself – by myself – from my small self.
What if I truly tuned in –
to the song that is playing under the fears…
to the hum of my deepest knowing…
to the beauty of my soul’s voice…
What would I hear?
What if I pressed SEND on all those emails?
Or conversed with people I’m “friends with” or “connected to” or are “on my list.”
What if I made the value of sharing more important than the goal of “earning?”
I wanted to speak a little more about the question about divorce mediation and Compassionate Mediation® and marriage counseling.
Someone wrote in this question to seek clarification about the dual roles: therapist versus divorce mediator.
She's “confused by the boundaries, having had a discussion with a divorce mediator trainer who says that the ethical responsibility is not to be in a dual role. Yet she's also read where this is the case. Does this vary from state to state? What are the ethical parameters, please? And could divorce mediators who are doing therapy get reimbursed through insurance? If so, for what part of the work. Her understanding that my training program will not certify you as divorce mediator providers”.
I want to answer all those questions.
Compassionate Mediation does not certify you to be a divorce mediator. It is a skillset that you can use in your practice to help people resolve conflict with more consciousness and compassion.
Therefore you can bill for it as you would for any other skill set that you have.
If you're a therapist, just because you offer some information about what the legal options might be as you help your clients process the feelings and decisions that need to be made, then what you're doing is giving them tools to have conversations that they need to have for their future relationship.
You get divorce mediator training either by taking it from a private party, by going to your state Mediation Council, many colleges or universities have 40 hour trainings in divorce mediation. And that's the specific certification. It's a good idea to add to your repertoire, if you can have five days to give it, and it's a great skill set to have.
However, even if you're not trained as a divorce mediator, the skillset, the tools of Compassionate Mediation will help with all of your clients — with individuals, with couples, with families.
It gives you a framework for helping them learn how to compassionately communicate, create compassionate relationships, explore their options for change, understand their rights and finances, and create the relationships they truly desire and deserve.
You can charge your clients as you would normally bill. You're not holding yourself out as a divorce mediator if you haven’t had the training.
I'm hoping that someday individuals, couples, families, clergy, attorneys, mediators, therapists, coaches, will all have a skillset in Compassionate Mediation, where people can add passion back to their marriage or compassion to their divorce.…and that together we've helped people change the way they resolve conflict and certainly changed the face of divorce one heart at a time.
So let's get to all those hearts.
Let's learn Compassionate Mediation.
Charge as you would for your own practice. And if you're a therapist and you're reimbursed for your practice, then you have this skill set.
And hopefully people will be looking for you in your state, in the world, and you'll have what you need to give them this information.
I hope that answers your question and I'll see you again soon. Bye for now.
(This video was from my LIVE Question and Answer Session from the last Tools for Your Practice Now Course….)
QUESTION FROM live session for Compassionate Mediation Tools for Your Practice Now.
And the first question is, how does Compassionate Mediation differ from traditional Divorce Mediation?
Linda had asked whether Compassionate Mediation® create a dual program, and she said in some states they frowned upon doing mediation and therapy.
I want to speak directly to this.
Up until now, there has been nothing like Compassionate Mediation!
If an individual or a couple wanted to get divorced, they would hire an attorney, they would hire collaborative attorneys, they would go to divorce mediation, and they would get divorced.
If they wanted to go to marriage counseling, they'd find a therapist, or a counselor, or a clergy, and get some counseling.
And I found that after doing 30 years of working with individuals and couples, it's often not that clear cut. Because people have “parts” that are ambivalent about what they want to do.
Even when they're in marriage counseling, one or both members of the couple may have thought about leaving. But unless you address it, it just kind of is an exiled feeling that never gets noticed. And with that, the person that's harbored that thought can't fully be present, because they're still considering “what would it be like if I ended this relationship?”
And when people get divorced, there are still times when they're wondering if it's the right thing to do. It's not always a linear process. There's a lot of regret, or remorse, of what ifs. But by then, it's usually too late because the lawyers are involved, the process is started, everyone's been told, and it carries out the trajectory in the direction of marital dissolution.
So when you have marriage counseling and you have divorce mediation, they are two different skill sets. Compassionate Mediation merges them together.
And what that means is, it's a process for resolving conflict and it uses the therapeutic skills of IFS, Internal Family Systems, the spiritual growth lessons I learned at the Chopra Center. It also includes information about what a separation or divorce would look like.
Because then in the context of Compassionate Mediation, the couple can talk about it all.
They don't have to pretend they have this part that hasn't thought of leaving, and they don't have to pretend in divorce that they don't have a part that wishes they could stay together.
Compassionate Mediation empowers you to empower your clients to talk about everything. And they truly can even though they've thought of divorce.
Your clients will learn how to connect to their best self, let go of the limiting beliefs and judgments they took on with each other, unburden the pain from the past, and relate from their heart.
And then when you teach them the Miracle of Empathy — where they use” I messages” and talk about their exiled feelings, not their judgment.
When they do that, they can create a whole new relationship, and they often do — and you've facilitated it.
And I've often said, if we could just spare our children from the shrapnel of our animosity, there'd be a lot more happy families.
Compassionate Mediation teaches Compassionate Communication and fosters compassionate relationships with empathy.
I give you the information that you can give your clients as to what all their different options are. I also give you the information to help you explain to them how to understand their rights and finances.
And then you help them talk about everything and create whatever relationship is going to be in the highest good moving forward.
So Compassionate Mediation® is a hybrid.
I use the term Compassionate Mediation, but perhaps I should have used conscious compassionate conflict resolution.
Certification in Compassionate Mediation®
The certification that I'm offering is actually in Compassionate Mediation Coaching. So you don't have to worry about the HIPAA laws or whether you're an attorney, or a coach, or a clergy, or mediator.
Compassionate Mediation is a skillset.
It's a box of tools that you can use as needed, but it's also a whole process that I've outlined on the FREE Roadmap at www.LindaKroll.com/Roadmap.
The whole process of what we talk about in each session is outlined for you. I give you that tool plus my other tools in the Compassionate Mediation Tools for Your Practice.
And then I'd like to give you my whole process. I'd like to teach you everything that I do so that you can use it in your practice and take it wherever you want in the world.
So I hope that answers your question.
Compassionate Mediation is a new paradigm of conflict resolution.
When Dick Schwartz first founded Internal Family Systems over 30 years ago, I remembered seeing him in a room with a few people, not knowing that 30 years later it was going to be a worldwide phenomenon, started by Dick, many, many years ago.
And I've always been at awe of how much work he put in, his dedication, his passion, and how he made all of this come to fruition, along with the other people at the IFS Institute who helped him along the way.
I want to give this to you so that you can share it with your clients.
How are you withstanding the “too much togetherness”, “not enough time alone,” new ways to have to spend time, share time, share space?
If you're like a lot of my clients, your relationships are strained to the limits and I'd like to help you create a better relationship starting now.
I'm the author of Compassionate Mediation How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce.
I have created a video online series that takes you through the process where you can begin to improve your relationship now. Please go to CompassionateMediationProgram.com, find out all about this six hour video series.
I'm a therapist, a mediator, an attorney, and I'm also a Chopra's certified teacher of meditation, yoga, and perfect health.
I combine all of those skills, and I'm like having a spiritual advisor or an attorney and counselor in your back pocket, offering you information and support.
It's six hours of what I offer as a therapist, as a mediator, as an attorney.
You will receive written materials, videos, assessments, intention trackers, all different ways for you to use the time that you're staying inside right now and learn a new way to communicate.
And it starts with Compassionate Communication.
It starts with learning how to connect to your highest and best SELF. It starts with letting go of any limiting beliefs or judgements you have about yourself or your partner. It allows you to unburden all the pain you've been carrying from the past and to truly relate from your heart.
When you do that, you then have an opportunity to connect your best self. And as you connect to your best self, you create a whole new relationship.
