No matter what has happened in your life or relationships,
You already have everything you need to come home to your SELF.
Hi, and welcome. I am so happy you are here.
After all that has challenged us in the last year, I want to take a few minutes to help you access your highest and best Self.
Your SELF and Your “Parts”
I believe we all have a healthy SELF. When we are in SELF we are calm, clear, compassionate. Do you know those moments?
They are usually just moments. We are not always “in SELF.” We are often blended with our PARTS.
Think of your PARTS as the different voices you hear in your head.
Sometimes a Part of you wants to make one choice and you have another voice with a different thought or feeling about it.
There are three categories of PARTS
EXILES
MANAGERS
EXTREME
The EXILES are the parts we learned in childhood weren’t going to get our needs met. If we felt sad, scared, hurt, vulnerable–we didn’t want to feel that way, so we pushed those feelings aside. Some of us exiled our anger too, because it wasn’t safe to express it.
The Exiles often wonder, “What about me? Who is going to love and care for me the way I need?”
We often store the energy of the EXILE’S pain somewhere in our bodies. We don’t want to feel the emotional burdens of the EXILES, so we figure out ways to MANAGE.
We go into our heads, and with the help of our Egos, we create the PARTS of us we show the world. We can learn to be nice, pleasing, caretaking.
We can become hardworking, judgmental, blaming. Some of us manage our exiled pain and sadness by becoming angry.Many of us put on what I call a “pseudo-self” when we try to look like we’re “in SELF,” but those EXILED feelings of sadness, fear, or anger are still very present and churning.
When the energy of those EXILES threatens to upset our internal system, and our MANAGERS can no longer contain them and protect us, we have EXTREME parts that activate to numb using some way.
We choose behaviors that take the focus off our EXILE’s pain and give us moments of escape. Some people get addicted to some of those behaviors –with alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, shopping, staying busy, staying in bed, putting up internal walls, getting enraged.
When the EXTREME parts take over, we continue to ignore those EXILED parts and just focus on the EXTREME behaviors –and then the guilt and shame we have because of that behavior –but we effectively continue to ignore the feelings of our Inner Child.
There are ways to unburden that original pain. The first step in letting it go is to acknowledge that it is there. No running away or avoidance or pushing it aside.
You offer loving Compassionate Communication from your Highest SELF to those hurting parts that need and want YOUR attention.You may not have received that attention, affection, appreciation, acceptance as a child, but you can now.
Your parents or caregivers did the best they knew how to do, considering their upbringings and their level of awareness at the time.
Now you can do better.
You can give yourself the compassion, love, attention, and validation you have always wanted.
You can forgive yourself for all choices –the ones you made and the ones you avoided.
You can accept yourself for who you are now –knowing that you are doing the best you know how to do, and you can grow more from self-love and self-care than you can from self-doubt and criticism.
You can begin to COMMUNICATE more COMPASSIONATELY with yourself in every thought you think.
And you can accept and love all of your Parts,which are ALL trying to protect you in some way. They are locked in jobs they have been doing all your life.
Once you give your PARTS all the attention they need to unburden the pain from the past, they carry their own wisdom and light.
You can start to speak FOR your PARTS,rather than FROM your parts.You can rescue your Inner Child from any painful or traumatic event and remind him or her that you survived and how far you have come from that experience.
You can tap into your connection to your faith, your soul, your spirit,and remember there is an infinite source of unconditional love, acceptance, compassion and forgiveness available to you by just remembering it’s there.
When you OPEN yourself to RECEIVE that Spiritual connection of love, faith and your divine essence, you just shine that light on your Internal System of PARTS, and shower yourself with love.
As you become more compassionate and loving towards all parts of yourself, you will have more compassion and love to share with the people closest to you –and with the world.
When your Parts feel YOUR attention, affection,appreciation and acceptance, they are free to evolve.
Your Inner Critic can change to a loving Inner Coach.
Your Rage can turn into your Boundary Monitor, helping you learn how to say “no” when “no” is what you prefer, and how to leave situations that aren’t in your highest good.
Your Protective Parts can shift and change and calm and connect.
There doesn’t have to be an internal polarity because they all have a seat at the table, but YOU, coming from your Highest Self, connected to your Divine Spirit –YOU are in charge.
Over time, your Parts learn to trust You in SELF, and you feel more calm, clear, compassionate, curious, creative, connected, grateful, peaceful, joyful, and loving.
Here are some ways to get to SELF:
Roads Lead to Self: How to Attain Inner Guidance
Angels
Art
Ask for it
Body Scan
Breathe
Channeling
Children
Collage Making
Coloring
Connecting
Dance
Deep Breathing
Drawing
Dreams
Flowers
Focusing
Guided Imagery
Intuition
Journaling
Knowing Place
Labyrinth
Letting Go
Listening
Loving
Mandala
Mantra
Meditation
Miracles
Movement
Music
Nature
Nia
Painting
Parts -‐sending love
Pause
Pets
Prayer
Private Place
Running
Silence
Singing
Sleeping
Slowing Down
Solitude
Space
Sports
Stars
Surrender
Sweat Lodge
Synchronicity
Swimming
Tai Chi
Talking
Qigong
Quiet Mind and Body
Walking
Workshops
Writing
Yoga
MEDITATION
When you learn to meditate, you practice being in the silence that exists between your thoughts.
It allows you to access your true SELF, divine SELF, or spirit, and begin to make choices that align with your true purpose and joy.
You stop the attention you give to your “monkey mind”and habitual thoughts.
You learn how to be here now, love what is, and be the calm in the middle of the storm.
You learn how to look at life from a higher state of consciousness, where you are no longer reacting from a fight/flight or freeze state.
You learn how be less reactive, more responsive, intuitive and creative.
You learn that you can’t solve a problem from the level of awareness that created the problem.
You have to look at a situation from SELF, understanding your parts and others’ parts.
You can have compassion for all of them, and then make your decisions from the highest and best part of yourself, knowing in your soul that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience.
And we are all doing the best we know how to do.
Meditation allows us to have more direct access to SELF.
The more we meditate, the more SELF we can experience and share.
When there is a critical mass of SELF-present, no matter where it comes from or who is showing it, the situation can shift and become more calm and connected immediately.
If you are talking to a spouse, a child, a parent, a loved one,a co-worker, a friend, being in SELF fosters Compassionate Communication.
Being in SELF: Understand Your Parts
Meditate
Take a Breath
You can get to SELF by unburdening your parts, by practicing meditation, and by taking one breath to get to that stillness within.
TAKE ONE BREATH
For just a moment, I’d like you to notice your body. Just focus inward and scan your body from the top of your head to the soles of your feet, and just notice. Notice any tension or tightness, now notice what you are feeling or thinking. Just notice.
There may be some tightness in your jaw, shoulders, neck, stomach. You may feel some tension in your head, hands, chest. Just notice.
Now please take a breath. One conscious breath.Inhale, hold, exhale, hold. Once more. One deep breath. Inhale, hold, exhale, release.
For a few seconds you got present, tuned into your body, stopped thinking about any problem, and allowed yourself to just be here now.
You can get to SELF by:
Unburden Your Parts
Meditate
Take a Conscious Breath
Gratitude
GRATITUDE
One other way to get to SELF is to be GRATEFUL. When you are aware of your blessings, no matter what the external situation seems to be, you can come back to that awareness of all the miracles that are currently available,and compassionately communicate with yourself and the world.
One moment at a time, one person at a time, we can become the change we hope to see.
When you believe in your SELF — and stay in constant contact through understanding and loving your Parts — meditate, breathe, and be grateful, life becomes more peaceful, loving and filled with joy.
The SELF in me recognizes and cherishes the beautiful and Divine SELF that is YOU!
Namaste.
Sending you much love,
Linda
How to Love Your SELF
1. Think of all the things you’ve always wanted to do if you had time. Do one -or don’t.
2. Get in bed and vegetate. Don’t be afraid you’ll never get out again. You will
3. Rent movies.
4. Read -a magazine, poetry, a good book, anything.
5. Get a manicure, pedicure, massage -or give yourself one
.6. Plan a trip, a spa-day, a bus ride, a day off, a lunch date. (Call a travel agent to consider a vacation).
7. Give yourself permission NOT TO: bake, cook, clean, shop, or do laundry, dishes, or ironing.
8. Get used to the novelty of deciding what you want to do –and doing some of it.
9. Let go of expectations of yourself and others.
10. Change your paradigm.
11. Set aside some time to be sad, if you want to.
12.Cry.
13.Call a friend or family member.
14.Write a letter, note, poem, short story, your novel.
15.Learn to understand yourself.
16. Join Al Anon or AA.
17. Go to extra meetings.
18. Buy a present for yourself.
19. Make something special to eat — just for you.
20. Get in bed and eat chocolate.
21.Find a new hobby.
22.Play the piano.
23. Paint, color.
24. Think about classes you may want to take and look through catalogues.
25. Entertain.
26. If you do entertain, make it as easy on yourself as possible — paper plates, pot luck.
27. Exercise (walk, yoga, pilates, bike, swim, lift weights, dance!)
28. Breathe deeply, often.
29. Meditate.
30. Hire a babysitter and go out — or stay home.
31. Ask the kids to tuck you in.
32. Take your pet for a walk.
33. Go to a park and swing –or slide!
34. Take a bath.
35. Volunteer.
36.Say “no” when you don’t want to do something.
37.Journal.
38.Give yourself permission to do what you want, when you want, with whom you want.
39Connect with your Inner Child. Give him or her a hug.
40.Listen to his/her feelings to help heal. Empower him/her to have fun and to feel safe, calm, and happy.
Linda Kroll LCPC,JD Therapist, Mediator, Attorney
As a therapist, mediator and attorney, I have shared Compassionate Communication with thousands of men and women for over 20 years.
I have had the privilege of learning from Dr, Richard Schwartz, Founder of Internal Family Systems and became a Certified IFS Practitioner. I later completed five years of study with Deepak Chopra, David Simon, davidji, and the other wonderful instructors at the Chopra Center University to become a Vedic Master, a teacher of meditation, yoga and perfect health.
I have been mentored by SARK, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, who adds fun and play with all that she joyfully creates.
I am a Level Two Reiki Master, grateful lifelong learner, who has had the benefit of many wise teachers and guides.
Today, I am grateful to work with hundreds of women and men as they learn to treat themselves with more kindness and respect so they have more to share with others.
As I have become more SELF-led, I am calmer, clearer and more compassionate with myself and others.
I began to heal from the experiences of my past and understand and accept all parts of myself.
I feel more inner peace and happiness and would love to help you feel the same.
My hope is that you take care of your SELF so that you can communicate with honesty and empathy.
As your relationship with your SELF improves, you will feel more peace, love and joy in all your relationships.
Join me to learn how to share Compassionate Mediation® with your clients.
During this time of stress and uncertainty, our personal and professional lives can become challenging and isolating.
For our clients, their relationships can be strained to their limits.
Marriages are meant to last for “better or worse, until death do us part.” But there was no mention of what to do in a pandemic.
Couples and families can use all the help we can give, and we can give a lot.
I want to share with you my transformational process for relationship healing – Compassionate Mediation®. You can use in your practice now.
If you are a therapist or coach, there are also Continuing Education Credits available. I offer you the methods, strategies, handouts and tools to apply immediately as you expand your expertise and impact – and income.
You can use these tools in person or online — and I’ll show you how.
As a therapist, mediator, attorney, and Chopra-Certified teacher of meditation, yoga, and Ayurveda, I have created a program that covers emotional and spiritual healing along with financial and legal information and support.
Compassionate Mediation® is NOT just for individuals or couples considering divorce. Any relationship that needs healing or transformation will benefit — even if only one member of the relationship learns these skills.
Sometimes the willingness to consider what an ending may look like provides the impetus to create a new beginning together.
Please join me as we help relationships heal all over the world. https://lindakroll.com/Roadmap.
ABOUT LINDA
You can heal and transform all your relationships with Compassionate Communication and Compassionate Mediation®.
Love is always the answer – and it starts with loving your SELF.
Learn how to add more peace, love and joy to your life as you practice exquisite SELF care.
Linda Kroll is the author of the bestselling Compassionate Mediation® for Relationships at a Crossroads: Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce —for a free chapter, go to http://www.lindakrollbook.com/
Linda is also author of the he Kindle bookhttps://amzn.to/2So8AKCCompassionate Divorce -Changing the Face of Divorce, One Heart at a Time. https://amzn.to/2So8AKC
Founder of Compassionate Communication Academy. Linda believes, “Families need not be “broken,” but can be peacefully and respectfully “re-structured.”
You can discover ways to improve your marriage after you take the Unhappy Marriage Quiz. www.LindaKroll.com/RA
Linda is a therapist, mediator, attorney, and Chopra Certified Master Teacher of Meditation, Yoga and Ayurveda. She combines psychology, spirituality, financial and legal information along with her heart, humor, personal experience and professional expertise.
Linda also invites guests she loves to share who offer information, guidance and support to help you live your best life —and become the change you want to see in your relationships and in the world.
if you are a therapist, a mediator, an attorney, a coach, or a member of the clergy, spiritual counselor, relationship counselor, or if you’re someone who wants to learn it for yourself, I would love to share the gifts of Compassionate Mediation so that you can use them in your practice now.
I would love to offer you some of the tools that I’ve used with thousands of individuals and couples over the last 25 years as they’ve healed and transformed their relationship.
If you’re a therapist, I want you to have this training so that you can lead them when they are faced with conflict and they don’t have to go to a mediator or an attorney just to get a divorce, they can talk about their problems, every issue that divides them, and you can help them every step along the way.
If you’re a mediator, I want to teach you this skill because it brings more empathy and compassion into the mediation sessions, which leads to a more peaceful and quicker resolution because they don’t spend a lot of time fighting with each other, they learn to understand each other.
If you’re an attorney who’s tired of the litigation process, I want to help you help your clients participate in a way where they don’t feel like a victim or an aggressor and there’s a win-win for everybody.
If you’re a relationship coach, I want to give you the tools, the words, the techniques, so that you can help individuals or couples move forward in a way that brings more peace to their relationship.
For all spiritual counselors, there’s as much love that went into beginning a relationship that can be used to heal and transform it, even if the end is going to be a separation or a divorce.
I have a program ready to go to help anyone that needs that information, but why I’m reaching out to you, another heart-centered professional, is to help you learn how to deliver the program to the people that you know — because together we can help change the face of divorce one heart at a time.
Please join me for my next FACEBOOK LIVE in Compassionate Mediation Training.
I’d like to put your name on my website as a referral because I hope together we can share this message with the world.
I believe, “Families need not be broken, but can be peacefully and respectfully restructured. ”
When you learn Compassionate Mediation, you can help your clients communicate with compassion.
You help them form a compassionate relationship, and many times that’s what they need to start a whole new marriage together.
If they do decide to separate or divorce, Compassionate Mediation is a turnkey program that I can give you to share with your clients now, so please learn more.
We all have seeds of genius, whether we are ready to share them or not.
Instead of letting our egos get in the way — with grandiosity or showing off — we usually let those voices in our head convince us to hold onto all we know in case we will be judged or ridiculed or — some other “horrible” fate.
What if we just got out of our own way?
What if we could TRUST in a power greater than our small self and TUNE in to our deepest desires and have FAITH that we are being divinely inspired?
What if we could just “get out of the way and let go?”
But how do we do that?
How do I do that?
First, I need to take a deep breath, put on my big girl pants and not be afraid to face my fears.
What am I afraid of?
That someone won’t like what I write? (So what? I can’t please everyone.)
They will think it’s corny? (They are probably right. I am corny.)
My children won’t approve? (They often find fault, so what’s new?)
So much that I have written stays hidden from view.
So much of what I have produced is out of sight.
So much of the last seven years of my life feels like I’ve been going in circles.
Maybe that’s because I thought I had to do it all myself – by myself – from my small self.
What if I truly tuned in –
to the song that is playing under the fears…
to the hum of my deepest knowing…
to the beauty of my soul’s voice…
What would I hear?
What if I pressed SEND on all those emails?
Or conversed with people I’m “friends with” or “connected to” or are “on my list.”
What if I made the value of sharing more important than the goal of “earning?”
I wanted to speak a little more about the question about divorce mediation and Compassionate Mediation® and marriage counseling.
Someone wrote in this question to seek clarification about the dual roles: therapist versus divorce mediator.
She’s “confused by the boundaries, having had a discussion with a divorce mediator trainer who says that the ethical responsibility is not to be in a dual role. Yet she’s also read where this is the case. Does this vary from state to state? What are the ethical parameters, please? And could divorce mediators who are doing therapy get reimbursed through insurance? If so, for what part of the work. Her understanding that my training program will not certify you as divorce mediator providers”.
I want to answer all those questions.
Compassionate Mediation does not certify you to be a divorce mediator. It is a skillset that you can use in your practice to help people resolve conflict with more consciousness and compassion.
Therefore you can bill for it as you would for any other skill set that you have.
If you’re a therapist, just because you offer some information about what the legal options might be as you help your clients process the feelings and decisions that need to be made, then what you’re doing is giving them tools to have conversations that they need to have for their future relationship.
You get divorce mediator training either by taking it from a private party, by going to your state Mediation Council, many colleges or universities have 40 hour trainings in divorce mediation. And that’s the specific certification. It’s a good idea to add to your repertoire, if you can have five days to give it, and it’s a great skill set to have.
However, even if you’re not trained as a divorce mediator, the skillset, the tools of Compassionate Mediation will help with all of your clients — with individuals, with couples, with families.
It gives you a framework for helping them learn how to compassionately communicate, create compassionate relationships, explore their options for change, understand their rights and finances, and create the relationships they truly desire and deserve.
You can charge your clients as you would normally bill. You’re not holding yourself out as a divorce mediator if you haven’t had the training.
I’m hoping that someday individuals, couples, families, clergy, attorneys, mediators, therapists, coaches, will all have a skillset in Compassionate Mediation, where people can add passion back to their marriage or compassion to their divorce.…and that together we’ve helped people change the way they resolve conflict and certainly changed the face of divorce one heart at a time.
So let’s get to all those hearts.
Let’s learn Compassionate Mediation.
Charge as you would for your own practice. And if you’re a therapist and you’re reimbursed for your practice, then you have this skill set.
And hopefully people will be looking for you in your state, in the world, and you’ll have what you need to give them this information.
I hope that answers your question and I’ll see you again soon. Bye for now.
(This video was from my LIVE Question and Answer Session from the last Tools for Your Practice Now Course….)
QUESTION FROM live session for Compassionate Mediation Tools for Your Practice Now.
And the first question is, how does Compassionate Mediation differ from traditional Divorce Mediation?
Linda had asked whether Compassionate Mediation® create a dual program, and she said in some states they frowned upon doing mediation and therapy.
I want to speak directly to this.
Up until now, there has been nothing like Compassionate Mediation!
If an individual or a couple wanted to get divorced, they would hire an attorney, they would hire collaborative attorneys, they would go to divorce mediation, and they would get divorced.
If they wanted to go to marriage counseling, they’d find a therapist, or a counselor, or a clergy, and get some counseling.
And I found that after doing 30 years of working with individuals and couples, it’s often not that clear cut. Because people have “parts” that are ambivalent about what they want to do.
Even when they’re in marriage counseling, one or both members of the couple may have thought about leaving. But unless you address it, it just kind of is an exiled feeling that never gets noticed. And with that, the person that’s harbored that thought can’t fully be present, because they’re still considering “what would it be like if I ended this relationship?”
And when people get divorced, there are still times when they’re wondering if it’s the right thing to do. It’s not always a linear process. There’s a lot of regret, or remorse, of what ifs. But by then, it’s usually too late because the lawyers are involved, the process is started, everyone’s been told, and it carries out the trajectory in the direction of marital dissolution.
So when you have marriage counseling and you have divorce mediation, they are two different skill sets. Compassionate Mediation merges them together.
And what that means is, it’s a process for resolving conflict and it uses the therapeutic skills of IFS, Internal Family Systems, the spiritual growth lessons I learned at the Chopra Center. It also includes information about what a separation or divorce would look like.
Because then in the context of Compassionate Mediation, the couple can talk about it all.
They don’t have to pretend they have this part that hasn’t thought of leaving, and they don’t have to pretend in divorce that they don’t have a part that wishes they could stay together.
Compassionate Mediation empowers you to empower your clients to talk about everything. And they truly can even though they’ve thought of divorce.
Your clients will learn how to connect to their best self, let go of the limiting beliefs and judgments they took on with each other, unburden the pain from the past, and relate from their heart.
And then when you teach them the Miracle of Empathy — where they use” I messages” and talk about their exiled feelings, not their judgment.
When they do that, they can create a whole new relationship, and they often do — and you’ve facilitated it.
And I’ve often said, if we could just spare our children from the shrapnel of our animosity, there’d be a lot more happy families.
Compassionate Mediation teaches Compassionate Communication and fosters compassionate relationships with empathy.
I give you the information that you can give your clients as to what all their different options are. I also give you the information to help you explain to them how to understand their rights and finances.
And then you help them talk about everything and create whatever relationship is going to be in the highest good moving forward.
So Compassionate Mediation® is a hybrid.
I use the term Compassionate Mediation, but perhaps I should have used conscious compassionate conflict resolution.
Certification in Compassionate Mediation®
The certification that I’m offering is actually in Compassionate Mediation Coaching. So you don’t have to worry about the HIPAA laws or whether you’re an attorney, or a coach, or a clergy, or mediator.
Compassionate Mediation is a skillset.
It’s a box of tools that you can use as needed, but it’s also a whole process that I’ve outlined on the FREE Roadmap at www.LindaKroll.com/Roadmap.
The whole process of what we talk about in each session is outlined for you. I give you that tool plus my other tools in the Compassionate Mediation Tools for Your Practice.
And then I’d like to give you my whole process. I’d like to teach you everything that I do so that you can use it in your practice and take it wherever you want in the world.
So I hope that answers your question.
Compassionate Mediation is a new paradigm of conflict resolution.
When Dick Schwartz first founded Internal Family Systems over 30 years ago, I remembered seeing him in a room with a few people, not knowing that 30 years later it was going to be a worldwide phenomenon, started by Dick, many, many years ago.
And I’ve always been at awe of how much work he put in, his dedication, his passion, and how he made all of this come to fruition, along with the other people at the IFS Institute who helped him along the way.
I want to give this to you so that you can share it with your clients.
