What did you want to do or be when you were little?

What did you have planned for your life?

What were your seeds of inspiration?

When I was little, my parents fought a lot, and there was a lot of yelling going on in the house.

I wanted to help everybody “talk nicer to each other.”

I'd write them letters, they'd go and read. And even though they were very loving, there was still a lot of noise.

So I grew up and now I want to help people talk more compassionately.

I took the seeds of my inspiration and I began to plan how to use them.

I'm inviting you to think about: Who did you want to be when you were growing up, and what were the seeds of inspiration that you felt then and your feelings now?

No matter how old you are, think about what you wanted to do when you were little and what you want to do today.

And remember, it's never “too late.” You're never “too old, “and never say “never!!” 🙂

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Five Steps to Receive What You Truly Want and Need

Five Steps to Receive What You Truly Want and Need





Do you feel that your life is filled with what you truly want and need – or have you been living without your desires being met?

Here is a simple five-step process to help you receive MORE of what is important to you.

  1. REMEMBER what you want and need.
  2. Know you DESERVE to have what you want and need.
  3. Learn how to ASK for what you want and need.
  4. Be WILLING TO RECEIVE what you truly want and need.
  5. Stay GRATEFUL for what you have


    What DO you want and need in your life?

What do you need?

When we are born, we are our natural and true SELF. We know instinctively how to get our needs met. When we are hungry or wet or tired, we let our caretakers know. And if our needs aren’t met, we complain, fuss or cry. When we are fed, dry and rested, we were usually a joy to be around, utterly adorable and totally loved. If only life after infancy were so easy!

Somewhere along the way, usually by the time we are two or three, we begin to lose sight of what we truly want and need, and even what we feel. We learn at a very early age that some behaviors get us more love and attention than other behaviors. If we are angry, we don’t get as much positive feedback as when we are pleasing. If we are sad, we may not be as cute as when we are happy. If we are scared, we may be perceived as too demanding or too weak, so we are exhorted to act brave or strong.

So we start to exile those feelings of anger, sadness or fear, and manage our lives by trying to be pleasing, happy, or competent. And this is even if we grew up in the best of homes. However if there is any dysfunction in our families of origin (and there usually is), then we may forget what we truly want and need because being a caretaker and a giver becomes our role in life. We lose sight of what is true inside of us in order to project an image that we manage to maintain.

What do you truly want in your life?

It may seem easier to know what you need because without your basic needs met, you may not survive. Every human being needs food, water, shelter. Did you put down love, affection, nurturing touch? These are what we needed as infants in order to survive and thrive. If infants are deprived of touch, they cannot mature

Although we have our basic needs, it is often more difficult to state what you want. As you answer this question, did you have a difficult time remembering? If so, try to go back in time to when you were young and carefree. What did you want then? Did you want to have fun? Did you put that down on your list?

What else do you want? Respect?

How much of what you wrote was material in nature – a new car, a new house, a new job?

What feelings would be associated with having those things you want? Success, financial freedom, a feeling of competence?

Think back, or free associate, or listen to what other people say and if you want what they want, write it on your list. “I’ll have what she’s having” (When Harry Met Sally) doesn’t mean that you are jealous or envious. It is a recognition that there are other ways of being and feeling that you would want to experience as well.

What stands in your way from getting what you want and need?

 Even if we are lucky enough to have an idea of what we want and need, most of the time we see that we don’t have it. Why not? What are the circumstances in which we find ourselves that keeps us locked away from our true desires?

Is it external to us? Other people? Our jobs? On some level, our external reality is a mirror of our internal landscape. If we are balanced, peaceful and centered, our lives reflect that. If we are out of balance, unfocused, chaotic, so is our life. Which comes first?

We tell ourselves that if our lives were different and the people in our lives were different, then we would be different. However, as we learn to shift the pattern of our internal landscape, our outer world will reflect our healing and growth. Then the situations we are in will transform and we will set the stage for different kinds of relationships.

Either the people in our lives will change as we do, or we will learn how to let go and make room to attract healthier people into our lives.


Do you feel you DESERVE what you want?

Deserve-ability is often an issue for most of us. Usually, again, by the time we are two or three, something has happened to us to give us a message that we are not lovable, not worthy, not good enough.

If you think back, there is some event or situation in your life, by the time you are two or three, and another one by the time you are 8 or 10, in which you came to feel or believe that you were less than…..bad, unloved, unlovable.

Sometimes the event can be as benign as the birth of a younger sibling. When I was two, my brother was born and my parents left me for two weeks in the care of an aunt and uncle. That was many, many decades ago when women were kept in the hospital for two weeks after childbirth. My father had to work late nights and couldn’t take care of me, so my aunt and uncle were enlisted for the job.

My mother had lovingly made plans for me. Her brother, my uncle, had always wanted children and had been trying for years to conceive. Several years later they adopted one. My aunt never really wanted to have children and was very cold, distant and uncomfortable. My uncle worked all the time, and I stayed with my aunt, who left me outside to play on my own.

I still have memories of being outside on the curb looking at the rows of houses that all looked alike, feeling lost and scared and probably very sad and angry at being abandoned. But my parents weren’t around, and there was no one to tell. But somehow in my bed late at night, when I would have run into my parents’ bed if I had been home, I sat alone and afraid in the dark.

And I think I decided then, though not consciously, that I would do everything in my power never to be abandoned again. I would be sweet and loving and adorable. I would never show them how angry I was – or how sad and scared. I would be so lovable that they would never want to leave me. And so my codependency was born.  Other times in life can be more damaging. Many of us have suffered abuse of some kind. Either screaming and yelling to undermine our self esteem, or actual physical or sexual abuse that makes us question our own sense of value and worth.

Are there any areas in your life of which you are ashamed?

Even if the abuse is due to the perversion of another, there is still a sense of shame attached to the victim. Sometimes as adults, we don’t remember the actual instances themselves, but we have unexplained fears, needs, compulsions.

And if we do remember, even if we intellectually know that it wasn’t “our fault”, our self esteem and self worth are affected for decades. We should have known to tell someone, we think. We shouldn’t have allowed it. We should have put a stop to it. We should not have enjoyed it.

Often we need therapy to help us let go of our erroneous self conceptions. If we don’t believe that we inherently deserve to be happy and prosperous and have what we need and want, then we won’t.

Again, our external situations are often mirrors of our internal reality. If we don’t feel we deserve something, we won’t have it. Once we know that we deserve to have our needs and wants satisfied, then we can take the steps to attain that goal. The inner knowing is the first step toward manifesting that reality.

Your thoughts are your prayers. Your thinking are the brush strokes on the canvas of your life. To change your reality, you change your thoughts.

You may need help on releasing some negative and self destructive thought patterns to enhance your knowledge of your innate deserve-ability.

Can you forgive yourself?

As you let go of self judgments and criticisms, you open the way to forgiveness.

Only by forgiving yourself for choices made, roads not traveled, actions taken or avoided, can you open yourself up to the possibility of new life experiences.

You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. And every experience, no matter how negative it may be perceived, is what made you the person you are today and brought you to this moment in time. And in this moment, you have the power to go forward with a new vision and clarity.You can hold on to your out-dated vision and version of your self, or you an open to your true Self and allow your soul to shine.


Can you forgive others?

Even if we manage to forgive ourselves, forgiving others is more difficult. We may feel that forgiving is condoning, or that we are letting someone off the hook too easily. We do let someone off the hook, but that someone is ourself. Hanging on to anger and resentments just poisons the mind and spirit of the carrier.

Anger is appropriate when your boundaries have been violated. It is how we learn to recognize our boundaries  review who we are in the constellation of our world. But resentments fester and corrode our spirit.

As we forgive another, we let ourselves off the hook. We are free to use our energy in ways that bring us joy.

We may need to do some work to acknowledge our feelings and release them. But once we do, our lives can be transformed.

How do you ask for what you want and need?

Once you know what it is you truly want and need, you have to work through your issues of deserve-ability BEFORE you ask for them. If you don’t believe you deserve to have them met, the way you are asking may sound like a demand, a nag, or a threat.

When you are centered in the truth of your own value and self worth, you ask from a different energy. You put out what your wishes are in a way that comes from a heart-centered place. You are not blaming, not judging, not demanding. You clearly state your feelings, and then you allow someone else the respect to respond the way they need to.

You don’t have to save them from their response. You don’t have to protect them from your needs and wants.

You are entitled to your wishes, your desires, your opinions, your feelings. If you don’t validate them for yourself, no one else can do that for you.

  • You can ask without expectations that the other person will automatically comply just because you’ve asked.
  • You can ask knowing that the other may need time to think about your request and then more time to consider whether they wish to fulfill it or not.
  • You can ask with clarity, not having to couch your words in defensive posturing so as not to make someone else uncomfortable.
  • You can ask to take care of your own needs and wants, rather than keeping still so as not to run the risk of offending someone else.

You can ask knowing that if you are asking for too much, someone can tell you, and you can adjust accordingly. You can apologize, you can reframe or rephrase your request, or you can ask someone else who might be more able or willing to comply.

If you ask knowing that you deserve what you truly want and need (as long as it is respectful of others and does not infringe on their rights or harm them in any way), then you can ask without expectations, judgments or blame – of yourself or another. Its a palms up way of communicating.


Are you willing to receive or are you only comfortable giving?

If you have learned how to take care of others in order to feel loved, it is often difficult to shift roles and learn how to receive. We feel more in control when we are giving. We feel less needy. We don’t have to be grateful to someone else.

I’s hard to allow someone else to give to us. We feel like we “owe” them something. We don’t know how to let it in. We are worried that we have to immediately reciprocate. We believe that getting our needs met is selfish.

If you can’t let yourself receive, you may still have some issues of deservability to work through. Go back to that step and do some more work to remove another defensive layer. As you peel back the layers on the onion of your psyche you can release more defenses and masks. You can retire some of those managers and release those exiles and come from your authentic self. And the joy of doing that work – and it is sometimes work – is that as you grow and heal and mature and blossom and become more authentic, you attract healthier and more authentic people and relationships into your life.

Are you grateful for what you do have?

No matter what are individual circumstances, there is always something or someone for which to be grateful. The more we can learn how to acknowledge the small miracles, the larger ones we will manifest.

Even your problems can be viewed as opportunities for growth and change. Be grateful for all that is part of your life, because that is part of the larger plan for your spiritual growth.

In any given moment on every day, stop and acknowledge your many gifts and blessings.

See how much of what you want and need you already have. Know how much you deserve them.

And whether you remember verbally requesting them or not, on some energetic level you did ask for them. That’s why they are there.

Know that you have the ability and power to manifest your heart’s desire, your innermost truth and to realize your every potential.

Remember what you want and need, know you deserve it all, learn how to ask for it, be willing to receive it, and always stay grateful.


You can receive a FREE RELATIONSHIP ASSESSMENT to make positive changes in your relationship now.

You can also add passion to your marriage (or compassion to your divorce!) with my Compassionate Mediation Program. Please learn all about it HERE.

ABC’s of Happiness in Your Relationships

ABC’s of Happiness in Your Relationships

ABC's of Happiness with Linda

Relationships can often be stressful.
Happiness is often a choice, and it depends on what we choose to think about any situation.

Wouldn't it be nice if we can choose happiness no matter what is going on around us?

I was thinking it could be as easy as ABC –  the ABC's of Happiness — acceptance, balance, and compassion.


So take a deep breath and think about what it means to be accepting.

Sometimes that's harder to do than we think.

The Serenity Prayer says “help me to accept the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference.” There's a lot we cannot change. There's a lot we cannot change about the people we love. So part of our opportunity in our relationships is to ACCEPT our partners, and quit trying to change them.

Sometimes you may choose to put up boundaries, or even to leave the relationship, but you can do so with acceptance. You can practice non-judgment — just a calm witnessing presence of “this is what it is and they are who they are. I can choose to engage or not, but I don't have to worry about how to change them.”

As Al-Anon says in Step One, we're powerless to change anyone else.

The only the person you can change is yourself.

So take another deep breath and choose what you will accept right now – and spare yourself hours of stress!

B is for BALANCE

The B of happiness and happy relationships is balance, and that's also a challenge at times because there's a lot of things we can balance.

I think if we start to balance in our needs, as well as taking care of the needs of others —  — we're going feel much more open and willing to participate and share if we balanced our needs in there.

Balance your needs at the top of your list.
Put your meditation, your yoga, your walk, your communing with nature first.
Then you'll have so much more to share

Now I'm getting to my favorite bridge, it reminds me of relationships. Sometimes you have to meet in the middle,

it's not a straight line to have a healthy relationship. You have to learn how to put your needs out there and then accommodate the needs of someone else.

Balance in a way where you both hold onto your individuality. You both hold onto the essence of who you are at your core. You find someone who can appreciate you and celebrate you, and help you incorporate more of that truthful, soulful living into your life.


The ABCs, acceptance, balance, and compassion. Deep breath.

Start with being compassionate with yourself.

I'm sure if you're like most of us you have much more compassion for others than you do yourself. So take a moment and have compassion for everything that you're feeling and have compassion for everything you're not allowing yourself to feel. All the exiled sadness and fears or hurt or anger, just have compassion.

When you have compassion those feelings soften, those feelings can move through you, and those feelings allow you to be more present.

So have compassion for yourself first, and then you'll have more space to be compassionate with the people around you.

If there's something that's challenging you right now, or something that's bothering you, something that's stressing you out — just see which of the ABCs will help you right now. Acceptance, Balance, and Compassion.

Choose even one thought of one of these, and you'll immediately feel better.

And remember to breathe……

Sending love always,

Linda xoxo

P.S. You can discover ways to improve your relationship by taking my FREE Relationship Assessment by clicking HERE.


You can also join me in my online video program to help you create the relationship you truly desire and deserve. You can learn more HERE.




About Linda

You can heal and transform all your relationships with Compassionate Communication and Compassionate Mediation®.

Love is always the answer – and it starts with loving your SELF. Learn how to add more peace, love and joy to your life as you practice exquisite SELF care.

Linda is the author of the bestselling “Compassionate Mediation® for Relationships at a Crossroads: Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce “ —for a free chapter, go to

Linda is also author of the he Kindle book “Compassionate Divorce -Changing the Face of Divorce, One Heart at a Time.”

Founder of Compassionate Communication Academy. Linda believes, “Families need not be “broken,” but can be peacefully and respectfully “re-structured.”


How to Divorce with Compassion by Linda Kroll

How to Divorce with Compassion by Linda Kroll


Compassionate Communication Creates New Beginnings when You're Thinking of Divorce.

The night before I was to be in court to finalize my divorce after a very long separation, I was moved to convert my sadness, hurt and anger into hope for a new beginning. If your marriage has difficulties, or you're thinking of divorce, I want to share with you how I did that for myself.

I wrote a prayer.

When I arrived at the courtroom, I gave a copy to my formerly beloved (and soon to be ex) husband and to his attorney. I hoped to end our marriage in a way that would set the tone for a peaceful and respectful co-creation of our future restructured family.

I wanted us to always be able to Compassionately Communicate –to connect our highest and best SELF, let go of all the limiting (and judgmental) beliefs we held, unburdened pain from the past, and relate from our hearts.

I hoped we could protect our children from the shrapnel of any more animosity or conflict.

I offered it as my prayer, and for some, it can be an intention. It was my heartfelt request for a future of respectful co-parenting, genuine friendship and Compassionate Communication.

I hope others can set the same intention or recite the same prayer.

“Love is the answer – and it starts with loving your SELF.”
Linda Kroll


Linda’s Settlement Prayer

I pray for a peaceful and respectful settlement meeting, in which all parties come together from their Highest Selves and their truest connection to Your guidance, wisdom and love.

I pray that the parts of ourselves that are angry, fearful, defensive, revengeful, retributive, punitive, unloving, unforgiving, sad, young, abandoned, resentful, negative, hurting and hurtful – that all these parts be quelled with the leadership of the Self, coming from a place of trust in Your presence and light.

I pray for compassion, forgiveness, gratitude and appreciation. Although our marriage has come down to a business closing of money and asset division, I ask that we remember the love that brought us together, and the wonderful children, which our union has borne. For their sakes as well as our own, we wish to put an end to this process in as respectful and loving a way as possible.

Although we each carry our sadness and pain and mutual regrets, I pray that we can look beyond this difficult period to a time when we can be friends and coexist peacefully. I pray that our once intact family can be rearranged to two intact and loving homes, where our children feel connected and comfortable. I pray that we can hold in a different light the love that once joined us forever; that on the deepest level we wish each other well as we let go and let G-d direct our lives.

For the sake of all we once had, and for all we had planned to share together, let us now finalize the terms of our marital dissolution so that we are both free to get on with our lives.

Let us complete this last painful task with a sense of trust in the love we once shared and hopefully can remember after this part is over.
Let us not work from purely simple and self-serving motives, but keep in mind the general welfare of each of us, and our children.
Let us request our attorneys to contribute what is needed for the mutual benefit of all concerned.

In the end, let us know that we behaved civilly, that we can look back with a clear conscience, and that as much as we could, we came from our hearts. God bless us and direct us all. Amen.

His lawyer looked it over, and jokingly asked him, “Are there any changes you want to make in this document?”

We all laughed —sometimes through our tears – which is kind of like life.

Even in the heartache, there can come healing and hope.

If you or someone you know is looking at a separation or divorce, please remember that together we can change the face of divorce, one heart at a time.

If you want to improve your relationship, get a FREE Relationship Assessment HERE.

To learn how to offer this process to your clients, please get the FREE ROADMAP and Video Introduction to Compassionate Mediation®


About Linda

As a therapist, mediator, attorney, and author, I help others avoid the pain that my family suffered. My transformational processes of Compassionate Mediation® and SELF-Led Divorce® bring peaceful resolution instead of heartbreak.

If your relationship is at a crossroad, you ‘can add passion to your marriage or compassion to your divorce with Compassionate Communication and Compassionate Mediation®. Please visit for your free chapter of my bestselling book, and for more free gifts and resources to help you add more peace, love and joy to your life – starting now.

You can also take my Relationship Assessment and learn how to make things better!

If you’re a heart-centered professional (therapist, mediator, attorney, coach or counselor,) you can learn how to offer these processes to your clients at

Families need not be “broken,” but can be peacefully and respectfully “re-structured.”

For a copy of the Settlement Prayer or Settlement Intention, please visit my Settlement Intention blog post.

To learn more or get a free chapter of my book go to

To order the book on Amazon: Compassionate Mediation®: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce, please click here.

Click here to get my Kindle book on Compassionate Divorce™: Changing the Face of Divorce, One Heart at a Time,

I'm here to help in any way I can.

Do You Want a Better Relationship or a Compassionate Divorce?

Do You Want a Better Relationship or a Compassionate Divorce?

What Do You Truly Want?
First of all, take some time to get clear on what you truly want and need. It is important to remember that a new relationship is  possible, once you learn how to communicate. Divorce is often a last resort when you believe you are out of other options.
You can create a better relationship with Compassionate Mediation® as you choose to add passion to your marriage — or compassion to your divorce.

How Compassionate Mediation Can Help

Compassionate Mediation® offers the tools to become educated, empowered, and enlightened to plan your future.
When you have the confidence and courage to talk about an ending, you can often create a new and better beginning.
Communicate about all the issues that cause conflict.

You can discuss parenting, finances, work load distribution, family commitments, and even sex. No issue is off limits.  You learn to compassionately communication with empathy and kindness, no matter the outcome of your conversations.

If you are:

Unhappy but hopeful your relationship can change, help is available when you learn what to do, and what to stop doing!
Unhappy but stuck, you can learn what options you have to make the changes you want, starting now.
Separated, you will get the information you need to make the right decisions for your future.
Thinking of or currently going through a divorce, you can respectfully and peacefully discuss all your issues.
Past your divorce, you can create a better relationship with your “ex,” no matter what he or she chooses to do.

It just takes one to make a difference.  Therefore, you can learn more and create the relationship you desire and deserve.

As a result of your commitment to a happier future, you can make the changes you need to have the life you will love.

No two relationships are alike. Please tell me a little about yours and get a FREE Relationship Assessment to start making positive changes today.

You can also join me in my ONLINE VIDEO PROGRAM to help you add passion to your marriage — or compassion to your divorce.


"I’ve experienced significant improvements in my relationship with my husband and children."


"I learned there could be a Compassionate Divorce."


“We’re building an entirely new marriage.”


“Linda guided us mindfully through the impact of divorce."


“I came to Linda seeking mediated divorce documents and came out with nothing but peace and hope."


“I am breaking free from destructive patterns.”


“Linda helped me love all ‘Parts’ of my SELF!”


“With Linda’s caring guidance, I moved forward with peace and strength.”


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