I Have a Dream

I Have a Dream

12/5/21 (Written the night my former husband died, with my profound thanks to Dr. Martin Luther King for his inspiration.)

I am sadly ready to join with you in what will go down in my history as the day I gave up my fight.

Two score and twelve years ago, a great guy, in whose memory we rest today, signed our marriage license. It came as a joyous celebration of a dream begun.

But 52 years later, the dream dissolves, sadly crippled by the manacles of addiction and divorce, as the ex-wife finds herself an exile in the process of grief.

The dream continued, even after the divorce, that somehow the “restructured family” could be filled with connections, camaraderie and fun. But that was not an inalienable right, and my pursuit of that happiness was a check marked “insufficient interest.”

But I refuse to believe that this cause is bankrupt.

I still hold out hope for others to realize the dream I lost.

A respectful and peaceful divorce is possible, with caring and justice for all.

The end of my dream can be dreamt anew by someone else.


I refuse to give in to bitterness and hatred.

I will forever conduct struggle with dignity and discipline, and I will meet unforgiveness with love.

I cannot do this by myself.

I pledge to keep on marching on

never turning back

As long as addiction runs rampant and divorce destroys families, I can never be satisfied with walking away from my dream for others.

I can never be satisfied as long as addicts can call the shots for family dynamics.

I can never be satisfied when people are ostracized for fighting for their rights.

I can never be satisfied when love and forgiveness are supplanted by resentment and vitriol.

I am not unmindful that for many this seems far-fetched and impossible. Those who have been veterans of typical adversarial divorces and the chaos and pain that is left in its wake.

But this situation can and will be changed!

I will not wallow in the valley of despair.

I still have a dream…

I have a dream that one day people can get divorced can still  care about each other and stay connected in each other’s lives.

I have a dream that one day, former spouses will be able to sit down together at the family table.

I have a dream that one day, even with the heat of divorce negotiations, a family can be transformed into an oasis of justice and caring.

I have a dream that other children (unlike my own) will one day not hear their parents judge each other, but instead hear words of contentment.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, everywhere in the world, little boys and little girls who once promised to love each other forever, can join hands with their former spouses and create a new and peaceful relationship together.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every marriage and divorce will be exalted, the rough places will be made plain and the crooked places will be made straight; “and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.”

That is my hope, and that is the faith I get through this death with.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope.

With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of divorce into a beautiful symphony of compassionate communication.

With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to break up and stand up for freedom together, knowing that we can be free and at peace someday.

And this will be the day – this will be the day when all of God’s children will be able to sing with new meaning.

My family, we’re a “we”, with each our liberty, to thee I sing.

Now that your father died, no matter how I tried

with every tear I cried, let loving ring.

And if families are to be healed, this must become true.

and so let loving ring from the highest levels of our consciousness.

Let loving ring from the mighty judgments of our past.

Let loving ring from the heights of our best SELVES.

Let loving ring from the coldest reaches of our former pain.

Let loving ring from the curvaceous slopes of possibility.

But not only that,

Let loving ring from the stone defenses of our hearts.

Let loving ring from the lookout judges of our minds

Let loving ring from every nook and cranny of our beings

From every pore or mountainside – let loving ring.

And when this happens, when we allow loving to ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, former spouses, now divorced, will be able to join hands and sing the words

“Healed at last! Healed at Last!

Thank God Almighty, we are healed at last!”

Thanks, Pete

My two angels are together in heaven.

I first met Pete on a blind date in 1967 and he was gorgeous, an All-American football player, funny, adorable.

We were together from 1967 until we separated in 1989, with 22 loving years in between and two miraculous daughters that we waited a long time to have.

We were blessed with Kimmy and Dana – and everyone else in our lives. 

And even though differences divided us, I never stopped loving him. 

And I was always grateful that he was the father of my children. 

He was constantly devoted to them and devoted to all of his friends and family, as well.

As I think back on our time together and our time apart, I’m grateful for all we did share.

Wherever we went, people wanted to be near Pete Kroll – whether it was a gin game or football game, golf, dinner, a party – he was always the center, but with a humility and a humor and a grace and a charisma that nobody could match.

There was only one Pete Kroll.

Torrie, Vanessa, and Olivia were a wonderful addition to our family.

And my heart goes out to all of them, especially to my daughter Kimmy, who has lost both a sister and a father.

We will miss Pete, but we’ll all feel blessed that he was part of our lives. 

His children adored him and his grandchildren know how lucky they were to have Papa Pete. 

And now he’s watching over us with Aunt Dana. 

For those of you watching this who have been here to love Pete, to love Dana, to support us all in all the ways you have, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

And most of all, I thank Pete, for the children he gave us, for the grandchildren we shared. and for the years of love and friendship and family, 

God bless you, Pete. God bless you, Dana. 

I know you are  at the Table in the Sky with all the people who came before, and we’ll all meet again someday. 

I love you dearly.

‘Bye for now.

Mosaic Heart

Hi, this is my Mosaic Heart.

It’s seeking peace – amidst all the ways that it’s been broken and healed and rejuvenated – to love and trust and have faith again.

I’m Linda Kroll. I’m a 74 and a half year old, six time cancer survivor, who has also survived many other challenges, not the least of which is the recent passing of my 41 year old daughter of an overdose. 

I have spent my lifetime teaching myself and others how to have better self care, how to compassionately communicate from their highest and best SELF, how to use higher consciousness and spiritual beliefs of faith and trust and gratitude to get through life’s challenges. 

I’ve created books, online courses. I have a YouTube channel. I have a blog and I’ve got two more books coming out soon:

•  An Addict’s Mother: Loving Your Child and Your SELF
  
•  And also Love Notes from Yogi Baba, a Baby Boomers Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, which is my somewhat humorous, often poignant, story of learning to walk my talk.

It’s kind of like, I know what I know. And maybe I’ve known it all my life or prior lifetimes.

And now as I’m reaching 75 – and we never know how long we have on this earth – I am dedicating myself to sharing all I can with as many as I can to help others feel more love or gratitude, more peace, even while they’re grieving, even while they’re hurting. 

And even while their heart feels split into a million pieces, we can take the mosaic of the experiences that we’ve lived and create a beautiful masterpiece. 

I’m doing my best to create mine. And I’d love to help you create yours. 

So wherever you are in your life, either Linda kroll.com or Linda.Love offers some of what I’ve written and some of what I’d like to share.

I’m wishing you all the best and most of all, I’m wishing you “Namaste” –  that the peace and light within you, lights you up, leads the way for your own healing and to help you heal others. 

Namaste.

The Light in me sees and appreciates the Light in you. 

Bless us all.

Thank you, bye for now.

Grief and Gratitude

GRIEF and GRATITUDE
I concentrate on the latter to mitigate the former.

I realize I wouldn’t miss her so clearly if I didn’t love her so dearly.

I focus on the years we had instead of the future without her here.

I give thanks, through my tears, that we are always connected in our hearts.

I appreciate my blessings – my beloved family, friends, health, life, even as I nurse my broken heart.

I cry copiously, grateful that I can get my feelings out without needing to numb, distract, or deny.

I celebrate with family and friends who understand, offer support, and hug me tightly.

She was missing for my birthday – and for hers.

And now here comes Thanksgiving.

In my grief, I am so grateful for the light, the jove, the joy she was.

And I’m grateful for feeling her with me even as I miss her every moment.

Grief or Gratitude.

I can do both.
I need to do both.

I have everything she ever wrote to me, and all the voicemails of the recent past.

I am grateful for each one.
I am grateful for each moment we shared.
I am grateful for every memory I have.

I am grateful that for 41 years she was my daughter, and for the rest of my life she always will be.

And then we will celebrate all future holidays together at that Glorious, Well-Attended, Blessed Table in the Sky.