Frequently Asked Questions
What is Compassionate Communication?
Compassionate Communication is a new way to communicate that helps you heal burdens from your past, let go of limiting beliefs, connect to your spiritual source, and relate from your highest and best SELF.
What is Compassionate Mediation®?
Compassionate Mediation® is a healing program to help you communicate with your partner to resolve all of your conflicts. If is a short term process that helps add passion to your marriage or compassion to your divorce.
How can Compassionate Mediation® help me?
Compassionate Mediation® provides a safe place for you to talk about everything that has been an issue in your relationship. In the first session you will learn Compassionate Communication.
What is “SELF”?
When you are “in SELF”, you are more calm, clear and compassionate. You speak with more confidence and courage, as you stay connected to your higher consciousness and deeper knowing. You are not making decisions from reactive “Parts” of you that may be scared, walled, judgmental, angry or retaliatory. You are able to stay in the present moment and co-create a relationship that considers everyone’s needs, starting with your own. Problems in your relationship are not always about “what” is said but “how” you are saying it. When speaking from SELF, you can create more acceptance, attention, appreciation and affection for each other. You will feel safe to put down your “protective walls and judgments” so that you can forgive yourself and your partner. However, at the same time, you will also be able to discuss other possibilities for a new relationship – including a separation, a legal separation, or a SELF-led Divorce®.
What is a SELF-led Divorce®?
A SELF-led Divorce® is one in which you and your partner communicate from your highest and best SELF with compassion, confidence, clarity and courage to peacefully and respectfully restructure your family.
When should I use Compassionate Mediation®?
The sooner Compassionate Mediation® is begun, the better, You will be informed, empowered and able to communicate with honesty and empathy. Compassionate Mediation® is helpful at any time you have problems in your relationship. You can engage in the process before, during or after your divorce. The time to start Compassionate Mediation® is as soon as you recognize there are issues that cause you to feel distance or pain. As you communicate without judgment or blame, you may be able to heal the current situation and be able to create a new and better relationship. When divorce or separation has been considered, Compassionate Mediation® offers a neutral forum to explore all options with compassion and respect. If divorce is the final outcome, you will be able to create a SELF-led Divorce™ that will be for the highest good for all concerned.
Compassionate Mediation® is an opportunity to heal and transform your relationship to foster friendship and trust.
What if I’m not sure if I want to stay or leave my relationship?
If you have been thinking about a divorce, Compassionate Mediation® gives you an opportunity to discuss all of your issues that have caused you to feel unhappy, angry or stuck. You can look at your situation from a new perspective and become more SELF-led. If you are in the middle of your divorce, Compassionate Mediation® is an opportunity to end the legal battles and learn a way to communicate and reach a respectful and equitable settlement. If you are still suffering or fighting after your divorce, Compassionate Mediation® gives you new skills with which to relate to your ex-spouse and create healing in your re-structured family.
Who will be helped with Compassionate Mediation®?
You or your partner might feel trapped in habitual patterns that create “walls” that prevent you from being your best SELF in your relationship. You may have forgotten or neglected to relate with kindness to the person you once promised to love forever. You might also feel angry and judgmental at yourself as well as your spouse. You may be ambivalent about whether to try marriage counseling (again) or just file for divorce. You might feel overwhelmed, scared, or lost in indecision. Fear, uncertainty, anger and resentment have possibly impacted your relationship over time. Compassionate Mediation® is for you if you want to try to create a new and better marriage instead of proceeding towards a break up or divorce with hurt and anger. The sooner Compassionate Mediation® is begun, the better as both parties are informed, empowered and coming from their best SELF.
Is Compassionate Mediation® the same as marriage counseling?
No, it is more. In marriage counseling, both parties may seem to be committed to staying in the marriage. However, often one or both may have a secret thought of a separation or divorce that they may not share with their partner. This secret agenda covertly affects the way they are able to participate in the counseling since the discussion about what a separation or divorce would look like is never discussed. Compassionate Mediation® is a program to help individuals or couples who are ambivalent about their future. The conversation helps them to decide whether to divorce or create a new marriage based on who each party is now and what they each want and need from this time forward. The short term process of Compassionate Mediation® Program gives you and your partner information about all of your options, including a separation, legal separation, or a divorce. With full knowledge of your potential rights, responsibilities, gains and losses, you might renew your desire to truly heal your current relationship and make positive actions in the direction of meeting both of your needs. If divorce is ultimately your final outcome, you will embark on the process with much more confidence, clarity and calm, and be able to create a SELF-led Divorce®.
Is the Compassionate Mediation® Process the same as traditional divorce mediation?
No, Compassionate Mediation® helps you explore whether a new relationship together is still possible as you learn Compassionate Communication. At the same time, you discuss all your rights and responsibilities to feel fully informed and empowered. In discussing what a “new marriage” would be, you also have an opportunity to create new patterns for all of your needs – financial, parental, familial, sexual.
What can I hope to accomplish in the Compassionate Mediation® Process?
Compassionate Mediation® allows each partner to feel heard, understood and validated no matter what final outcome is chosen. Time is provided for you to consider all your options – individually and as a couple. Often, many of the decisions that would be addressed in a divorce mediation are covered in this process: money, parenting, roles and responsibilities, and any other issues that are causing hurt or dissension. This way, you can begin to recognize what you have each contributed to the current situation, and what you can do yourself to make it better, including getting a job, helping more with the children, or finally knowing how to listen and empathize with your partner’s feelings. If separation or divorce becomes your decision, you have each acquired the tools necessary to move forward with more honesty, integrity and respect. The transition to a SELF-led Divorce™ becomes a healing opportunity rather than the typical adversarial proceeding it might have become.
Your family does not have to be “broken”, but can be peacefully and respectfully “re-structured.”
What does the Compassionate Mediation® Process include?
In the first session, you learn a new way to communicate and begin to talk about all the issues that have created distance or conflict. You also consider what your rights and responsibilities would be if you wanted to create a new marriage, separate, file for a legal separation, or pursue a divorce. In each session, there is time for individual conversations and time to meet as a couple. With empathy, honesty and compassion, the facts and feelings are addressed and all possibilities considered. You and your partner are both encouraged to consider how your actions and choices have contributed to the current situation. With no fault or blame, you are free to co-create new solutions with higher consciousness and more SELF-leadership. When each party is in “SELF”, you are more compassionate, clear, confident, courageous, and connected to your inner wisdom and deeper knowing. Whether you stay together (and create a new and better relationship) or get divorced, what you learn in the Compassionate Mediation® Process will enhance all their current relationships and give you more awareness in future relationships. You can decide to create a new marriage, separate without any legal papers, decide on a legal separation or work together to dissolve your union with a SELF-led Divorce®. Whatever your ultimate decision, healing can happen and peace can be restored.