I Have a Dream
12/5/21 (Written the night my former husband died, with my profound thanks to Dr. Martin Luther King for his inspiration.)
I am sadly ready to join with you in what will go down in my history as the day I gave up my fight.
Two score and twelve years ago, a great guy, in whose memory we rest today, signed our marriage license. It came as a joyous celebration of a dream begun.
But 52 years later, the dream dissolves, sadly crippled by the manacles of addiction and divorce, as the ex-wife finds herself an exile in the process of grief.
The dream continued, even after the divorce, that somehow the “restructured family” could be filled with connections, camaraderie and fun. But that was not an inalienable right, and my pursuit of that happiness was a check marked “insufficient interest.”
But I refuse to believe that this cause is bankrupt.
I still hold out hope for others to realize the dream I lost.
A respectful and peaceful divorce is possible, with caring and justice for all.
The end of my dream can be dreamt anew by someone else.
I refuse to give in to bitterness and hatred.
I will forever conduct struggle with dignity and discipline, and I will meet unforgiveness with love.
I cannot do this by myself.
I pledge to keep on marching on
never turning back
As long as addiction runs rampant and divorce destroys families, I can never be satisfied with walking away from my dream for others.
I can never be satisfied as long as addicts can call the shots for family dynamics.
I can never be satisfied when people are ostracized for fighting for their rights.
I can never be satisfied when love and forgiveness are supplanted by resentment and vitriol.
I am not unmindful that for many this seems far-fetched and impossible. Those who have been veterans of typical adversarial divorces and the chaos and pain that is left in its wake.
But this situation can and will be changed!
I will not wallow in the valley of despair.
I still have a dream…
I have a dream that one day people can get divorced can still care about each other and stay connected in each other’s lives.
I have a dream that one day, former spouses will be able to sit down together at the family table.
I have a dream that one day, even with the heat of divorce negotiations, a family can be transformed into an oasis of justice and caring.
I have a dream that other children (unlike my own) will one day not hear their parents judge each other, but instead hear words of contentment.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day, everywhere in the world, little boys and little girls who once promised to love each other forever, can join hands with their former spouses and create a new and peaceful relationship together.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day every marriage and divorce will be exalted, the rough places will be made plain and the crooked places will be made straight; “and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.”
That is my hope, and that is the faith I get through this death with.
With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope.
With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of divorce into a beautiful symphony of compassionate communication.
With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to break up and stand up for freedom together, knowing that we can be free and at peace someday.
And this will be the day – this will be the day when all of God’s children will be able to sing with new meaning.
My family, we’re a “we”, with each our liberty, to thee I sing.
Now that your father died, no matter how I tried
with every tear I cried, let loving ring.
And if families are to be healed, this must become true.
and so let loving ring from the highest levels of our consciousness.
Let loving ring from the mighty judgments of our past.
Let loving ring from the heights of our best SELVES.
Let loving ring from the coldest reaches of our former pain.
Let loving ring from the curvaceous slopes of possibility.
But not only that,
Let loving ring from the stone defenses of our hearts.
Let loving ring from the lookout judges of our minds
Let loving ring from every nook and cranny of our beings
From every pore or mountainside – let loving ring.
And when this happens, when we allow loving to ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, former spouses, now divorced, will be able to join hands and sing the words
“Healed at last! Healed at Last!
Thank God Almighty, we are healed at last!”