I want to offer you 10 Minutes to a Better Relationship with Compassionate Communication.
Let's go . Take a breath, take a breath, and think about a relationship you'd like to improve.
With whom would you like to improve your relationship?
You can watch this video and learn how to bring your best SELF to your relationship with Compassionate Communication.
Someone that you're married to, someone that you're in a relationship, someone that you work with a child or parent,?
Think about a relationship for just a minute and then see, what are the stories you're telling yourself?
Tell me the stories that you keep repeating. He always does this. She never does that. They're always going to be that way. Just notice that you're telling yourself a lot of stories about yourself and the other person, and then take a look at how you're acting in the relationship right now.
How are you showing up? Are you showing up as your best self and ask yourself how willing are you to change your reactions?
How Compassionate Communication can Help you in just a Few Moments and What is Compassionate Communication
It's the ability to connect to your highest SELF, let go of your limiting beliefs in judgements, unburdened pain from the past and relate from your heart.
What I find is that many people don't want to get out of the foxholes that they put themselves in.
For instance, you might think that the way you're being right now remind you of a time in the past, when you were younger, your family of origin, or even in this relationship right now,where there was a problem…
… you felt scared
… you felt hurt
… you felt sad
… you felt unloved
… you felt betrayed
Unfortunately we stay down in that foxhole, meaning we have some post-traumatic symptoms that we bring into the present moment.
When someone is doing something to hurt us, we're not able to state what we're feeling, but instead we go back to feeling what we did when we were under stress or under fire.
I want you to take a deep breath because I want to talk about how to get to self, how to be your best self and what you dowhen you're in your best self is you have these qualities.
Meditation is one way to get to self.
Unburdening the pain from your past is another way to get to self. When you're in self you're calm, clear, compassionate, curious, connective, creative, confident, courageous, and I've added grateful.
As an Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapist, they talk about self in parts and in ifs, the self that we're talking about helps you heal.
That's what it's going to do for you to get to self. When you're in self, you can be more calm, clear, and compassionate and bring those qualities back to your relationship.
Now. imagine if you showed up in your current relationship with more calm, clarity, confidence, compassion, take a deep breath.
Just think about it.
What if you could be more compassionate and I know you may have spent a lifetime being compassionate and offering understanding, and you're feeling misunderstood.
Start with being compassionate to yourself, start understanding that yes, you're feeling vulnerable or you're feeling hurt.
You can also send compassion to the other person who may have been doing the best he or she knew how to do up until this time
What you can do is begin to change your story.
Instead of seeing yourself as a victim, see yourself as a hero where you're now able to talk about the parts of you that are sad or hurt or scared or even angry in a way that is more self-lead. You're doing it with more compassion, with more confidence, with more courage, but you're also doing it in a way that's calm and clear.
You're not judging the other person.
You're not critiquing the other person.
You're learning how to speak for your feelings in a way that brings change.
When you start showing up in your highest SELF, the relationship changes.
If one of you is having an argument or you're having an argument, and one of you takes a breath and decides to just bring in some curiosity as to what's happening right now as to how you can change it.
Moving forward, curiosity is an element of self because you're not judging.
You're not blaming.
You're not looking through the filters, that which you judge your partner and you don't have those walls around your heart that keep you from getting more connected.
See if you can bring more self into your relationship.
Sam Keen says, “It's not about finding a perfect person to love. It's learning how to perfectly love another imperfect person.”
Believe that no matter what your relationship looks like now, even if one of you is willing to change your reaction, to become more self led, to be more compassionate, to be more curious, to be more authentically sharing your feelings with courage and not judgment.
That's going to change your relationships because as you let go of your limiting beliefs, as you let go of your judgment of your partner, of your child, of your parents, of your coworker and of yourself.
We judge ourselves for not being strong enough or not making a decision earlier.
If you can let go of your limiting beliefs, you can actually break the chains that are binding you to another person in a negative, energetic situation.
What does that mean?
Everything is energy. When you're showing up with an attitude or a wall or a filter, you affect how you are showing up in your relationships.
The other person sees the wall, sees the judgment and isn't available to connect heart to heart.
If you can unburden the pain from the past, at the same time, you let go of your limiting beliefs…
… you'll find that when you're not carrying the baggage of all the things that happened to you in your past
… you may need to get some counseling for this. Whatever you need to do – clear up your pain from the past.
… let go of the limiting beliefs that are causing you to stay constricted and judgmental and begin to relate from your heart.
When you relate from your heart, you can talk about anything because you're going to talk in a way that's self led – calm, clear and compassionate.
As you relate from your heart, you're going to see new possibilities open up in your relationship.
What you're going to do is begin to get to your best self. And that's what I want to help you do.
‘ve created a guided meditation to get to self, and it's part of my Compassionate Communication Care Kit.
If you go to www.LindaKroll.com/ccc, you're going to get a care kit that has a Seven Minute Guided Meditation to give you a felt sense of what being in self is about, where you connect to the earth, where you have compassion for yourself, where you separate from the parts of you that are judging or reactive.
You really go to your highest incarnation of the Divine Nature that you are.
From there, you can relate to the other people in your life.
Then there's a short video talking about how Compassionate Communication helps.
There's also a Relationship Assessment where you can start to observe your current relationship and see where you can make changes now.
Just to reflect on what we've talked about, you can take 10 minutes right now.
You can think about a relationship you'd like to improve.
You can understand that the story you're telling yourself may not be true. It's just a story you can think about – how you're being in this relationship now and how willing you are to change.
If you're willing to change, you can meditate, journal, go for walks, get some counseling, take good care of yourself so that you have more self-energy to communicate with yourself, with the person with whom you're having conflict.
As you become your best self, let go of your limiting beliefs, unburden the pain from the past and relate from your heart.
You're going to see a whole new possibility open up between you and this other person.
Again, you can listen to the guided meditation to get to self and do it in a way that brings peace and harmony to your heart, to your relationships, to your families, to your community and to the world.
Go, get your Compassionate Communication Care Kit, stay out of the fox holes.
If you need help doing that, let me know, connect with me. I'll show you how.
Remember when you compassionately communicate, you're going to heal all the relationships in your life, starting with the one you have with yourself.
Thanks for listening. We did it in 10 minutes and I look forward to staying connected.
I want to share with you a 17-minute video with Dr. Richard Schwartz, Founder of Internal Family Systems therapy – my mentor, teacher and friend,
Everything I have done professionally and personally for the last 35 years has been profoundly influenced by his model, his teachings, and his generous sharing of SELF and Parts.
We all have a “multiplicity” of Parts. When we are “in SELF,” we can separate from our Parts, compassionately witness their intention to be helpful, accept them and honor their intention, and help them unburden pain and trauma from the past.
Separate, Observe, Accept.
A recipe for internal peace and interpersonal relationships. When you observe “in SELF,” with mindful, witnessing awareness, you access those “C” qualities inside you and become more compassionate and caring. You become more understanding and helpful – and no longer reactive or judgmental.
My version of Compassionate Communication is to
Connect to your best SELF
Let go of limiting beliefs (by compassionately attending to and understanding your Parts)
Unburden pain from the past
Relate from your heart (SELF, Higher Self, Best SELF)
In Compassionate Mediation®, a process to help individuals and couples resolve conflict peacefully and respectfully, the process is:
Learn Compassionate Communication (see above)
Create a Compassionate Relationship
Explore All Your Options
Understand Your Rights and Finances
Create the Relationship You Desire and Deserve
I want to share Dick’s message to help foster as much healing and SELF energy as possible. The more SELF energy we bring to our relationships, families and communities, the more peace there will be in this world
Thanks so much, Dick, for all that you have shared, and this worldwide phenomenon of IFS.
In this video, he describes:
Parts (1-3 minutes) – little personalities inside – our thoughts, feelings, beliefs
Healing (7-8 minutes) – release of extreme beliefs and emotions and restoring the Parts trust in the leadership of the SELF
Unburdening – Parts need to feel the presence and understanding of the SELF. You become a Compassionate Witness to your own history. When your Part feels understood, it can unburden. You can go into the scene with your Part and help it heal and transform.
Origin of the name “Internal Family Systems”
How does IFS differ from other therapies?
Consider the “personhood” of your own Parts. Give your “internal enemies” compassion – your Parts are doing their best to protect you.
Core tenet of IFS.
“We aren’t who we think we are,” says Dick. Enlightenment is a shift in your center of inner gravity to know that this SELF is who you truly are.
In addition to knowing WHO you are, the SELF can create harmony internally and externally.
It’s often said that we are spiritual beings having a human experience.
I feel that when we are “in SELF,” we are living from a more conscious, mindful, compassionate presence. I believe it’s the God inside.
My life mission is to help people become more SELF-led and to bring that divine essence into all our relationships.
My profound gratitude to Dick and all my IFS colleagues for your enduring influence in my personal and professional life.
And always remember, as Dick says, “SELF heals!”
My book on Compassionate Mediation®:How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce offers my version of SELF and Parts in my introduction and first chapter.
Tools for Your Practice 3 hour workshop for professional CEU's for therapists and coaches.
Certification in Compassionate Mediation for Professionals.
Please let me know what you'd like me to focus on for you, and I’ll keep you posted on future offerings.
I also want to invite you to join me in the Compassionate Communication Community on Facebook, where hundreds from around the world are connecting, supporting, inspiring and enjoying the camaraderie and shared information.
I offer LIVE trainings in Compassionate Communication at 1:00 Central on Tuesdays, and trainings in Compassionate Mediation® at 5:00 Central on Thursdays.
I have other experts sharing their wisdom, and it’s a place to connect, network, share and give and receive support.
I also hope we’re all having FUN too,
I'm giving away as much as I can to share the benefit of all I've learned.
I look forward to connecting with you there, so that you can be sharing with me and the hundreds of people from all over the world who have already joined.
I look forward to staying connected and I'll talk to you soon.
Reviews of Linda's Book Compassionate Mediation® For Relationships at a Crossroads: Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce
“I was at a difficult point in my marriage when I found Linda's Compassionate Mediation book.I felt stuck, anxious, powerless to fix my relationship with my husband, and unsure of who to turn to for help.
I picked up the book, and it changed my life.
Linda's story made me feel not alone in my struggle, and her description of the qualities of true Self gave me hope.She spoke to me through that book and helped me find my way back to love and happiness.It launched me on a new path of transformation, not only in my marriage, but in my parenting relationships and in my life as a whole.
Now I see that the struggle that seemed so dark at the time was only a step, and an important step, in my journey to greater happiness. I am so grateful that Linda was somehow “there” for me when I needed it most.
Thank you, Linda, for the light you bring! “(My thanks to Genevieve Pollock, https://www.facebook.com/genevieve.pollock)
This is an excellent choice if you are wondering is my relationship over or should I keep trying? As a relationship counselor I meet many couples with just this question.
This is the perfect book for those couples struggling with the question of whether to stay and work at improving their relationship or leave and close down this chapter of their life.
The insights and guidance in this book are well founded drawn from humanistic psychology practices and research as well as Linda’s personal and professional experiences and spirituality.
Because this is such a big life decision couples often worry if they have done all that they can do before leaving their relationship. Using this book as a guide you are directed to turn inward towards yourself and get to know your needs and how to have a compassionate inner dialogue first. Then you are shown how to step back to meeting your partner in ways that speak for your needs calmly with connection to your self and your partner.
From this book you will learn ways to connect with your qualities of calm compassion and be more Self-led in your choices. In this way of relating, it becomes clearer if you can re-ignite your relationship or if it would be best to move into dissolving the relationship.If you find you cannot create a new relationship with your partner ways are demonstrates to reduce your stress and make your decision from a caring compassionate place for yourself and others.She introduces some excellent strategies to ground you and instill calm and confidence as well as questions to guide you in the divorce process. With diminished stress and conflict more meaningful and compassion conversations will co create a future where you both thrive.
Linda Kroll presented professional and appropriate guidance that was very clear and compassionate in itself.
Linda has a very spiritual approach for mediating relationships. Plus she includes practical guidance for people who find themselves in specific situations in their relationships. Her sources are first rate and trending for this time. I read through it easily and quickly and recommend it highly to everyone who has ever had a bump in their relationship road, whether it be a tiny molehill or a gigantic mountain.
Pick this up if you are having marriage or relationship troubles
Linda draws on legal, psychological and spiritual sources which may be new or familiar to readers. And so, she sets the stage for her method of approaching this life crisis with respect and compassion for all involved. In the core of the book, Linda explains her steps to crafting a peaceful, constructive, and healing process of either reconciliation or divorce and how to navigate the consequences of either decision. A great book to read in tandem with “Conscious Uncoupling” by Katherine Woodward
Compassion is the key ingredient's in all relationships!
Linda Kroll gets right down to business with a guide that will inspire and encourage healing and wholeness in your marriage and yourself as a single person of divorce.
Ahhhhh ! This book is a breath of fresh air in the business of mediation and divorce. Finally something worth reading. Gave me practical tools for bringing higher consciousness, mindfulness, SELF-leadership, and loving-kindness to relationship healing.
This book is a blessing. It is a refreshing approach not only to those considering or going through divorce but to all relationships and especially the relationship you have with yourself. Thank you Linda for this beautiful gift. You are changing lives and I believe in the long run changing the worlds outlook about divorce.One person found this helpful=
Everyone can benefit from the kindness found in this book. Relationships are truly the core of life, and navigating them is one of life's biggest challenges. Linda Kroll provides a roadmap to help readers do just that. I found this book to be one of the most insightful I have ever read and highly recommend it to others. This is the best. I read this as someone who whas been affected by both Marriage and Divirce (both twice.) Wish I had read Linda's book and advice before all the grief. Linda, you're now a blessing to all us singles who want to avoid the grief of marriage/divorce. Thank you!
Linda Kroll has nailed it! She has compiled her wealth of knowledge, insight and wisdom in an easy to read volume. Those struggling with a relationship dilemma are going to find this book very, very worthwhile!
Reviews of Kindle Book: Compassionate Divorce™: Changing the Face of Divorce, One Heart at a Time
A Compassionate Divorce is possible! We don’t have to hate the person we married just because it isn’t working out for us together anymore. For our children’s sakes, and for our own, we owe it to ourselves to learn how to communicate better than we have before.
Linda Kroll shares her personal story of love and loss as well as her professional expertise as a therapist, mediator and attorney. She reminds us that we are both hurt, sad, and scared, no matter how angry, guilty, or reactive we feel.
Once we have compassion for ourselves, we can offer more compassion to our partner, and from a higher perspective, create a new beginning as a “re-structured family.” Thank you, Linda, for lighting the way for a better way to resolve conflict, and to heal wounds from the past. This should be required reading for anyone considering a divorce!
Linda Kroll is a therapist, mediator and attorney, as well as a Chopra certified master teacher of meditation, yoga and perfect health. She brings all of her skills, plus her personal story of love and divorce, to her process of Compassionate Mediation® leading to a Compassionate Divorce™. At first it doesn’t make sense, because if we could be compassionate, we could stay together. (And some people can start over with this process and stay together and create a better marriage.) But if you’re getting a divorce, or past a divorce, not sure what you want to do, read this book to remind yourself that you can have a kinder, gentler parting and make decisions from what Linda calls your highest and best SELF. This should be required reading for anyone considering a divorce!
Wow, finally a book on divorce that isn’t all about aggression and fighting. Even if you’re the only one to recognize that a better divorce is possible, you can make it happen. No need to get locked in battles or spend the rest of your lives avoiding someone who is the other parent of your children. Find a way to communicate that fosters a better connection than the one you are leaving. Do yourself a favor and read this book and heal your heart even as you divorce.
Linda Kroll has been helping individuals and couples for over 25 years. In this interactive book – with links to free gifts and free videos – she offers her perspective and guidance on creating a better way to end a marriage. I wish I could have shared her wisdom with many friends who have suffered from a typical divorce. This book makes a great gift for someone you know who is struggling with indecision, caught in a typical adversarial and costly divorce, or who is long past their divorce and wants to have a better relationship with their “ex”. It’s possible with Compassionate Mediation® and Compassionate Divorce™.
Hi, and Welcome to the Compassionate Communication Community.
I'm so glad you decided to sign up for our group, and I'm hoping you're going to find lots of information here that will help you to have a happier life and happier relationships.
I'm going to use all the tools I've acquired as a therapist, mediator, attorney, Chopra-certified teacher of meditation, yoga and Ayurveda — and give you the benefit of my 35 years of counseling experience as an IFS therapist, and what I learned at the Chopra Center.
And I'm also going to funnel tips and tools that I've used to lead a happy life, no matter what.
Whatever is going on in your life right now — whether it's an illness, whether it's a relationship problem, whether it's just wanting to make your life happier, you're going to learn some skills in this group.
We're going to have:
Motivational Monday — that will give you the opportunity to enjoy some motivation for your week.
Transformational Tuesday — where I'm going to talk about Compassionate Communication, how to improve all the relationships in your life, and how to talk to anybody about anything.
Wednesday Wisdom or Workshop — and I'm going to offer a workshop or a special guest
Thursday Trainings – I'm going to talk about.Compassionate Mediation®. If you're a therapist, a mediator and attorney, a coach clergy, counselor, I'm going to give you the tips and tools that I use in my practice that you can use in yours.
Friday Freebies — we're going to post Friday freebies, not just my freebies, but if you have free gifts to offer people.
Saturday Sharing — we're going to have sharing and networking and possibly find a way to get into groups and really support each other, collaborate, refer, and build a community.
Sunday Fun Day –whatever you want to post.
I'm looking forward to making this a very vibrant community where you will find what you need, contribute, what you want, take what is helpful and share in a way that adds value to your life.
And this is all FREE .
I'll do Facebook Lives on Tuesday and Thursday.
I'll send you the links and you can join me there.
Thanks for joining, and please be active.
Send me your questions, write your comments, share your feelings, share who you are.
It really is time for a more compassionate world and we're starting it in our Compassionate Communication Community
Thanks for being part of it. And I'll talk to you soon. Bye for now.