No matter what has happened in your life or relationships,
You already have everything you need
to come home to your SELF.
Hi, and welcome. I am so happy you are here.
After all that has challenged us in the last year, I want to take a few minutes to help you access your highest and best Self.
Your SELF and Your “Parts”
I believe we all have a healthy SELF. When we are in SELF we are calm, clear, compassionate. Do you know those moments?
They are usually just moments. We are not always “in SELF.” We are often blended with our PARTS.
Think of your PARTS as the different voices you hear in your head.
Sometimes a Part of you wants to make one choice and you have another voice with a different thought or feeling about it.
There are three categories of PARTS
- EXILES
- MANAGERS
- EXTREME
The EXILES are the parts we learned in childhood weren’t going to get our needs met. If we felt sad, scared, hurt, vulnerable–we didn’t want to feel that way, so we pushed those feelings aside. Some of us exiled our anger too, because it wasn’t safe to express it.
The Exiles often wonder, “What about me? Who is going to love and care for me the way I need?”
We often store the energy of the EXILE’S pain somewhere in our bodies. We don’t want to feel the emotional burdens of the EXILES, so we figure out ways to MANAGE.
We go into our heads, and with the help of our Egos, we create the PARTS of us we show the world. We can learn to be nice, pleasing, caretaking.
We can become hardworking, judgmental, blaming. Some of us manage our exiled pain and sadness by becoming angry.Many of us put on what I call a “pseudo-self” when we try to look like we’re “in SELF,” but those EXILED feelings of sadness, fear, or anger are still very present and churning.
When the energy of those EXILES threatens to upset our internal system, and our MANAGERS can no longer contain them and protect us, we have EXTREME parts that activate to numb using some way.
We choose behaviors that take the focus off our EXILE’s pain and give us moments of escape. Some people get addicted to some of those behaviors –with alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, shopping, staying busy, staying in bed, putting up internal walls, getting enraged.
When the EXTREME parts take over, we continue to ignore those EXILED parts and just focus on the EXTREME behaviors –and then the guilt and shame we have because of that behavior –but we effectively continue to ignore the feelings of our Inner Child.
There are ways to unburden that original pain. The first step in letting it go is to acknowledge that it is there. No running away or avoidance or pushing it aside.
You offer loving Compassionate Communication from your Highest SELF to those hurting parts that need and want YOUR attention.You may not have received that attention, affection, appreciation, acceptance as a child, but you can now.
Your parents or caregivers did the best they knew how to do, considering their upbringings and their level of awareness at the time.
Now you can do better.
You can give yourself the compassion, love, attention, and validation you have always wanted.
You can forgive yourself for all choices –the ones you made and the ones you avoided.
You can accept yourself for who you are now –knowing that you are doing the best you know how to do, and you can grow more from self-love and self-care than you can from self-doubt and criticism.
You can begin to COMMUNICATE more COMPASSIONATELY with yourself in every thought you think.
And you can accept and love all of your Parts,which are ALL trying to protect you in some way. They are locked in jobs they have been doing all your life.
Once you give your PARTS all the attention they need to unburden the pain from the past, they carry their own wisdom and light.
You can start to speak FOR your PARTS,rather than FROM your parts.You can rescue your Inner Child from any painful or traumatic event and remind him or her that you survived and how far you have come from that experience.
You can tap into your connection to your faith, your soul, your spirit,and remember there is an infinite source of unconditional love, acceptance, compassion and forgiveness available to you by just remembering it’s there.
When you OPEN yourself to RECEIVE that Spiritual connection of love, faith and your divine essence, you just shine that light on your Internal System of PARTS, and shower yourself with love.
As you become more compassionate and loving towards all parts of yourself, you will have more compassion and love to share with the people closest to you –and with the world.
When your Parts feel YOUR attention, affection,appreciation and acceptance, they are free to evolve.
Your Inner Critic can change to a loving Inner Coach.
Your Rage can turn into your Boundary Monitor, helping you learn how to say “no” when “no” is what you prefer, and how to leave situations that aren’t in your highest good.
Your Protective Parts can shift and change and calm and connect.
There doesn’t have to be an internal polarity because they all have a seat at the table, but YOU, coming from your Highest Self, connected to your Divine Spirit –YOU are in charge.
Over time, your Parts learn to trust You in SELF, and you feel more calm, clear, compassionate, curious, creative, connected, grateful, peaceful, joyful, and loving.
Here are some ways to get to SELF:
Roads Lead to Self: How to Attain Inner Guidance
Angels
Art
Ask for it
Body Scan
Breathe
Channeling
Children
Collage Making
Coloring
Connecting
Dance
Deep Breathing
Drawing
Dreams
Flowers
Focusing
Guided Imagery
Intuition
Journaling
Knowing Place
Labyrinth
Letting Go
Listening
Loving
Mandala
Mantra
Meditation
Miracles
Movement
Music
Nature
Nia
Painting
Parts -‐sending love
Pause
Pets
Prayer
Private Place
Running
Silence
Singing
Sleeping
Slowing Down
Solitude
Space
Sports
Stars
Surrender
Sweat Lodge
Synchronicity
Swimming
Tai Chi
Talking
Qigong
Quiet Mind and Body
Walking
Workshops
Writing
Yoga
MEDITATION
When you learn to meditate, you practice being in the silence that exists between your thoughts.
It allows you to access your true SELF, divine SELF, or spirit, and begin to make choices that align with your true purpose and joy.
You stop the attention you give to your “monkey mind”and habitual thoughts.
You learn how to be here now, love what is, and be the calm in the middle of the storm.
You learn how to look at life from a higher state of consciousness, where you are no longer reacting from a fight/flight or freeze state.
You learn how be less reactive, more responsive, intuitive and creative.
You learn that you can’t solve a problem from the level of awareness that created the problem.
You have to look at a situation from SELF, understanding your parts and others’ parts.
You can have compassion for all of them, and then make your decisions from the highest and best part of yourself, knowing in your soul that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience.
And we are all doing the best we know how to do.
Meditation allows us to have more direct access to SELF.
The more we meditate, the more SELF we can experience and share.
When there is a critical mass of SELF-present, no matter where it comes from or who is showing it, the situation can shift and become more calm and connected immediately.
If you are talking to a spouse, a child, a parent, a loved one,a co-worker, a friend, being in SELF fosters Compassionate Communication.
Being in SELF:
Understand Your Parts
Meditate
Take a Breath
You can get to SELF by unburdening your parts, by practicing meditation, and by taking one breath to get to that stillness within.
TAKE ONE BREATH
For just a moment, I’d like you to notice your body. Just focus inward and scan your body from the top of your head to the soles of your feet, and just notice. Notice any tension or tightness, now notice what you are feeling or thinking. Just notice.
There may be some tightness in your jaw, shoulders, neck, stomach. You may feel some tension in your head, hands, chest. Just notice.
Now please take a breath. One conscious breath.Inhale, hold, exhale, hold. Once more. One deep breath. Inhale, hold, exhale, release.
Inhale “peace”, exhale “love”. Inhale “love”, exhale “peace”.
One breath. Let go.You’re already more in SELF.
For a few seconds you got present, tuned into your body, stopped thinking about any problem, and allowed yourself to just be here now.
You can get to SELF by:
Unburden Your Parts
Meditate
Take a Conscious Breath
Gratitude
GRATITUDE
One other way to get to SELF is to be GRATEFUL. When you are aware of your blessings, no matter what the external situation seems to be, you can come back to that awareness of all the miracles that are currently available,and compassionately communicate with yourself and the world.
One moment at a time, one person at a time, we can become the change we hope to see.
When you believe in your SELF — and stay in constant contact through understanding and loving your Parts — meditate, breathe, and be grateful, life becomes more peaceful, loving and filled with joy.
The SELF in me recognizes and cherishes the beautiful and Divine SELF that is YOU!
Namaste.
Sending you much love,
Linda
How to Love Your SELF
1. Think of all the things you’ve always wanted to do if you had time. Do one -or don’t.
2. Get in bed and vegetate. Don’t be afraid you’ll never get out again. You will
3. Rent movies.
4. Read -a magazine, poetry, a good book, anything.
5. Get a manicure, pedicure, massage -or give yourself one
.6. Plan a trip, a spa-day, a bus ride, a day off, a lunch date. (Call a travel agent to consider a vacation).
7. Give yourself permission NOT TO: bake, cook, clean, shop, or do laundry, dishes, or ironing.
8. Get used to the novelty of deciding what you want to do –and doing some of it.
9. Let go of expectations of yourself and others.
10. Change your paradigm.
11. Set aside some time to be sad, if you want to.
12.Cry.
13.Call a friend or family member.
14.Write a letter, note, poem, short story, your novel.
15.Learn to understand yourself.
16. Join Al Anon or AA.
17. Go to extra meetings.
18. Buy a present for yourself.
19. Make something special to eat — just for you.
20. Get in bed and eat chocolate.
21.Find a new hobby.
22.Play the piano.
23. Paint, color.
24. Think about classes you may want to take and look through catalogues.
25. Entertain.
26. If you do entertain, make it as easy on yourself as possible — paper plates, pot luck.
27. Exercise (walk, yoga, pilates, bike, swim, lift weights, dance!)
28. Breathe deeply, often.
29. Meditate.
30. Hire a babysitter and go out — or stay home.
31. Ask the kids to tuck you in.
32. Take your pet for a walk.
33. Go to a park and swing –or slide!
34. Take a bath.
35. Volunteer.
36.Say “no” when you don’t want to do something.
37.Journal.
38.Give yourself permission to do what you want, when you want, with whom you want.
39Connect with your Inner Child. Give him or her a hug.
40.Listen to his/her feelings to help heal. Empower him/her to have fun and to feel safe, calm, and happy.
Linda Kroll LCPC,JD
Therapist, Mediator, Attorney
As a therapist, mediator and attorney, I have shared Compassionate Communication with thousands of men and women for over 20 years.
I have had the privilege of learning from Dr, Richard Schwartz, Founder of Internal Family Systems and became a Certified IFS Practitioner. I later completed five years of study with Deepak Chopra, David Simon, davidji, and the other wonderful instructors at the Chopra Center University to become a Vedic Master, a teacher of meditation, yoga and perfect health.
I have been mentored by SARK, Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy, who adds fun and play with all that she joyfully creates.
I am a Level Two Reiki Master, grateful lifelong learner, who has had the benefit of many wise teachers and guides.
Today, I am grateful to work with hundreds of women and men as they learn to treat themselves with more kindness and respect so they have more to share with others.
As I have become more SELF-led, I am calmer, clearer and more compassionate with myself and others.
I began to heal from the experiences of my past and understand and accept all parts of myself.
I feel more inner peace and happiness and would love to help you feel the same.
My hope is that you take care of your SELF so that you can communicate with honesty and empathy.
As your relationship with your SELF improves, you will feel more peace, love and joy in all your relationships.
