Compassionate Communication in Compassionate Mediation®

Be Your Best SELF
Let go of limiting beliefs.
Unburden pain from the past.
Relate from your heart.

Compassionate Mediation® is a process that I developed after studying for 35 years. I studied Internal Family Systems with Dick Schwartz and I studied at the Chopra Center with @Davidji. I had the privilege of studying with these wonderful mentors – and many others, including SARK.  I am deeply grateful to all of them.

Compassionate Mediation® is a process that I hope will be used around the world whenever there's conflict. 

It invites people to come from their highest self, recognize that we're all one, and work out the details of the negotiations without getting into the human condition of defensiveness and reactivity and blame and judgment.

The first step in my version of Compassionate Communication is to connect to your best SELF.

Most of us aren't in our best self all of the time. I’m defining SELF (as used in IFS therapy)  as that calm, compassionate place inside your heart where you're not triggered by anyone else’s actions or reactions.

When we're “in SELF,”  we're calm, we're clear, we're compassionate – but we're usually not in self. We're in “Parts..”

And the parts that we're in – we either EXILE, MANAGE, or get EXTREME.

We EXILE some parts and push them aside and don't tell our partner that we're really sad and scared. And instead we try to MANAGE by being nice or pleasing or being stoic or being hardworking or pretending we're “in SELF.”

We pretend everything's okay, but we're really feeling a lot of these hurt, sad, scared, maybe even angry feelings that we're not sharing.

So instead, we do things to numb as an EXTREME reaction to avoid the pain of the Exiles that the Managers can’t contain.

We stay real busy. we exercise too much. We drink, we take drugs. We go have an affair, we get depressed, we get enraged. We do a lot of different things, but these are all human reactions to a very painful, scary condition.

And when we're “in SELF, then we are less reactive and can be more responsive.


The first way is to just take a breath.

You may have voices in your head asking “Do I want to stay in this relationship or do I want to go? “Can Iput my walk around my heart down and trust again? Can I be safe and happy in this relationship?”

You can take a breath, come to the present moment, and stop regurgitating the past and what they did to us then. And we're not projecting that into the future as if it's going be that way forever.

But we're present. And in that present moment, there's a lot more possibility. T

The second way to get to SELF is to recognize that we have these Parts and we speak for them, but not from them. 

So it's okay to say from your higher SELF, “There's a part of me that's angry because of something. There's a part of me that's scared when you do that. I'm feeling sad because …..”

When we're talking from SELF. It's a whole different dialogue with a more calm and compassionate energy.

When you are compassionately communicating, You are 

  1.  connecting to your best SELF.

  2.  letting go of your limiting beliefs and judgments about the other person (or yourself)

  3. unburdening the pain from the past, not carrying it with you and projecting it into the future.

  4. relating from your heart.

Because when you're in your higher SELF, it's safe to open your heart.

It may mean you'll be setting more boundaries. It may mean that you choose to leave, but you can do it from your higher SELF, with kindness and compassion.

I wrote the book to help you –  Compassionate Mediation® for Relationships at a Crossroad: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce.


You can heal and transform your relationship from your highest and best SELF for the benefit of all concerned. You can learn more and find healing with my Compassionate Mediation Program available now.

Compassionate Mediation® is a transformational process of conflict resolution that will help you add passion to your marriage or compassion to your divorce. .

If you are a professional – therapist, mediator, attorney, coach, counselor or clergy – who wants to learn how to offer this process to your clients, please get your FREE Roadmap and Video HERE

Passionate Marriage or Compassionate Divorce? The Choice is Yours!

Passionate Marriage or Compassionate Divorce? The Choice is Yours!

Whether you want to create
a more PASSIONATE Marriage or a COMPASSIONATE Divorce,
help is here now.

Please take a moment to tell me about your situation and I'll send you a FREE Chapter of my award-winning book on Compassionate Mediation® and other resources to heal and transform your relationship – no matter what form it takes! Please click here.

You will be able to:

  • Be your best SELF now
  • Create a Compassionate Relationship
  • Explore All Your Options
  • Understand Your Finances
  • Create the Relationship You Desire and Deserve.

Compassionate Communication offers a new way to communicate to give you the tools to create something new and better – either alone or together. You can stop being reactive, defensive, judgmental or blaming and offer the best of who you are to your partner now.

With empathy, you communicate about all the issues that are causing you stress, and make decisions that are calm, clear and confident.

As you look at all the options you have to make changes – with yourself and between you both, you will see that transformation is possible, even if you've been hopeless for awhile.

Whether you are:

  • unhappy but hopeful
  • unhappy but stuck
  • separated
  • divorcing
  • post-divorce

You can change how you feel about your situation as you add more peace, love and joy to your life.

Please SHARE with anyone who could use more calm and clarity during a challenging time! We can help heal and transform relationships and families now.

As a therapist, mediator and attorney,
I am dedicated to helping change the face of divorce, one heart at a time.

Create the Relationship
You Desire and Deserve!

No two relationships are alike.
If you take a moment to tell me about yours,
I can offer you solutions to help you make the changes you need now.
Your FREE RELATIONSHIP ASSESSMENT will be sent to you, along with an invitation to my next LIVE Webinar.

Start Here

"I’ve experienced significant improvements in my relationship with my husband and children."


"I learned there could be a Compassionate Divorce."


“We’re building an entirely new marriage.”


“Linda guided us mindfully through the impact of divorce."


“I came to Linda seeking mediated divorce documents and came out with nothing but peace and hope."


“I am breaking free from destructive patterns.”


“Linda helped me love all ‘Parts’ of my SELF!”


“With Linda’s caring guidance, I moved forward with peace and strength.”


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