I go see every Super Hero movie. The latest one was Wonder Woman, and I even took my seven year old granddaughter —before I realized it was PG! (Sorry, Maisie, for having to cover your eyes sometimes!)
The reason I wanted her to see it was because Wonder Woman stood for the Power of Love — which is a good message to share.
I wanted her to know we are all Super Heroes, with infinite strength to create what we want. And I think one of our best super-powers is the Power of Forgiveness.
We all have the Power of Forgiveness, but we just don’t always use it. When we do exercise our Power, miracles occur.
(1) We can turn back time.
Forgiveness gives us the ability to “start over.” We can reboot, re-do, or renew a relationship without the need to rehash every insult or slight. We can begin again, and create a better relationship with a sense of peace and inner balance.
(2) We can lift heavy burdens.
We don’t have to carry around the weight of resentment, judgment and blame. We can set ourselves free from the stories we tell ourselves, and experience the lightness of being present, and open to new possibilities.
(3) We can see through barriers.
Instead of seeing someone who hurt or offended us through the barricades of anger and bitterness , we can lower those walls around our heart, and change the filters through which we see the other, and create appropriate boundaries — without needing total cutoffs.
(4) We become impervious to pain.
Forgiveness sets us free from re-hashing or re-living the past. When we no longer focus on what offended us, we can put our attention on what brings us
joy. Especially when we forgive ourselves.
(5) We stand for what is right and good.
When we forgive ourselves for mistakes we have made, we allow ourselves to embrace our humanity as well as our divinity. (To err is human, to forgive, divine.) When we forgive others, it sets us free and allows us to view the other from a kinder perspective, whether or not we choose to interact with them again.
Wielding the Power of Forgiveness makes us all Super Heroes — because forgiveness is a daily practice.
We can always
start over
liberate ourselves from “old stories”
break through the barriers of judgment and blame
free ourselves from pain
see both the human and the divine in everyone
So yes, Virginia (Maisie), there really is a Wonder Woman.
I have a passion to make the world a safer place for marriage and divorce.
Of all the wars and illnesses, I wonder how many more casualties are attributed to the fall of a family. How many innocent bystanders are harmed by the decision of two people to terminate a marriage? How many generations pay the price of familial conflict?
I know there has to be a better way. I share it with my clients daily
I help individuals and couples a new way to communicate based on empathy and compassion. They can then use these skills to talk about all their issues including parenting, feelings, finances, and even sex.
We also discuss specific issues that would be addressed if they would make a decision to separate or divorce. Possible scenarios for property division, maintenance, child support and parenting are addressed as well as day-to-day decision-making. What to tell children, parents and friends, and how to navigate the grieving and healing are also discussed.
I integrate wisdom from many teachers to create a new paradigm for conflict resolution that includes legal, financial, emotional and spiritual healing.
I believe, “Families need not be broken, but can be peacefully and respectfully re-structured.”
The anger and resentment that typify divorce are factors of unresolved fears and sadness. When couples can learn how to speak their truth from Self, connected to their Highest Power (G-d, Buddha nature, inner truth), they can have compassion for themselves and each other in a way that allows for forgiveness, healing and personal growth.
I encourage SELF-Leadership by working to unburden the “Parts” of themselves that carry pain from their past. By finding and healing their inner child, they can move forward in life with more compassion, clarity, calm, confidence, creativity, connectedness and curiosity.
I also help clients learn how to access Self directly through meditation, prayer, journaling, therapy, support groups, and different theories of healing modalities that encourage a body-mind-spirit connection and wholeness.
I want to help people
Learn how to compassionately communicate from their highest and best SELF
Create a Compassionate Relationship – no matter what form it takes.
Focus on healing pain from the past.
Practice exquisite self care.
Create a new and better relationship with their current partner OR
Experience a better way to divorce that fosters personal and spiritual growth.
Bringing spiritual wisdom – acceptance, forgiveness, humility, responsibility, compassion, non-judgment — is liberating and life-enhancing to all members of a re-structured family.
The best gift you can give your children is to minimize conflict.
Learning to love and accept yourself with compassion allows you to be more compassionate with others.
Forgiveness helps you let go with love in a way that you can feel liberated, energized and free to live your life from your highest potential.
My book and online course will help:
Individuals or couples considering divorce, going through a divorce or even post-divorce
anyone is a relationship having conflict
friends or relatives who want to offer this guidance to people who need it
Grandparents who want to give it to their children considering divorce so that the feelings and needs of the grandchildren could become a priority.
The audience could give it to their spouses, their children, or anyone touched by divorce, to help them find the gifts in the experience.
The reader would feel the book was a “spiritual and emotional guidebook” written with them in mind to help them each step of the way.
It will benefit at least 50% of the total world’s population affected by divorce because spiritual growth, rather than pain and suffering, would be the outcome of future marital dissolutions.
Create the Relationship You Desire and Deserve!
No two relationships are alike. If you take a moment to tell me about yours, I can offer you solutions to help you make the changes you need now.
You can learn how to communication with compassion — from your highest and best SELF. When there is a peaceful and respectful dialogue, it’s safe to put your walls down. You remove the filters through which you judged your partner. You no longer see him/her with blame or judgment or fear, and you realize there are no triggers to threaten your security with each other.
When there’s partnership. you feel like a team and fun begins to return to your connection. When you’re safely connected and feeling respected and enjoying each other, the passion you initially experienced begins to reappear. It often intensifies—because of the deeper level of your connection. You remember what you used to enjoy together and begin doing more of it again.
Sexual intimacy is not about technique. A deeper connection on all levels comes from forgiveness, compassion, and peace. The more you learn how to be understanding, empathetic, and affectionate, the more passion there will be.
Make plans together for new experiences that are interesting, exciting, enjoyable. You can take turns arranging date nights, choosing the activities and calling a sitter if you have children. Some of my clients have little activity jars where they just think of something to do, put it in the jar, and take out an idea from time to time so that there’s no pressure to pick a plan and they can mutually create more fun.
Help your partner feel like a priority to you. Focus on making him or her happy—as you ask for and receive what you want and need. Create new habits of touch, connection, laughter, and fun. You will feel appreciated, accepted, admired, adored, and then you reciprocate in kind. Or first offer that appreciation, acceptance, admiration, and loving attention yourself, and see what happens.
Passion can permeate your whole relationship in and out of the bedroom because intimacy is not just intercourse, it’s holding hands, it’s cuddling, it’s hugging, it’s that kiss hello and goodbye. You begin to offer love in the currency of your partner, not giving to meet your needs but to meet theirs. They do the same for you.
In her new book, Turn Your Mate into Your Soulmate, Arielle Ford reminds us of the meaning of love. “Love is both a choice and a behavior…Love is a connection. Love is a feeling…Love is about being willing to forgive. Love is God. Love is who we are. Love is why we are here. To put it simply, love is all there is.”
SARK sees herself as “a full cup of love sharing her overflow with the world.” Isn’t that wonderful?
Fill your cup first. Fill your life with passion, vibrancy and joy. It can be done. You can do it. All it takes is love, starting with loving yourself. Then let your overflow of love bring peace, partnership, and passion to your relationship, to your family, and to the world. To learn more, please click here.
Many marriages end because one or both parties don’t know they have other options. You can take the time to learn Compassionate Communication and create something new and better together — whatever the form will take.
Often there is one partner who believes that it is “too late” to save the relationship. It is never too late!
Sometimes, one party feels neglected or ignored, as their partner focused on a career or the children. Hurt can manifest as anger or withdrawal, and finally becomes a wall that seems insurmountable.
However, there can be reason for hope even in the face of quiet (or vocal) desperation.
If one person in a relationship is willing to work to save it, a new union can emerge. Perhaps your “first marriage” is over. It’s not about fixing it or settling for what you have, but beginning to create a new relationship that meets both your needs. Who are you now? What is important to you both? And are you willing and able to give the other what you each want and need?”
“I can’t get his attention. I’ve told him how unhappy I am, and he doesn’t seem to notice or care.”
One party might offer love in the form of financial contribution and support. It can be the currency of their caring. However, the other partner may need more time together, shared conversations, attention and affection. The manner in which those needs are expressed may sound needy, whining, or demanding. Learning how to express your needs without judgment or blame is a skill that can be learned. It begins with “I” messages, and includes words like “sad, hurt, rejected and abandoned”. You might find yourself more sad than angry, but being more vulnerable instead of judgmental will help to break the cycle of arguments and distancing.
“I try so hard to please her and she never seems happy.”
After a decade or two (or more) of working long hours, one party may feel the brunt of the financial responsibility for the family. Often they become burned out, overwhelmed with the duties, but afraid to ask for help. They also feel “sad, hurt, and abandoned” when their spouses feel dissatisfied with the life that their work has provided. Then they build walls, too, walls to block out the criticism and anger that is coming their way. They may not have the tools to confront the issues in a healthy way, so they may work more or find other activities to keep them busy and out of harm’s way.
Where there’s life, there’s hope.
Separation or divorce is often contemplated as the solution, and in some cases, that may seem like the only way out. However, learning how to communicate with empathy and compassion can heal wounds that have been festering for years. And if the relationship is meant to end, you can both do the work you need to let go with kindness. Even if the relationship is over, and you are already divorced, you can still create a better method of communication. All that is needed is one willing participant.
“I’ve already done all the work. I don’t want to do any more.”
“I don’t want to be compassionate when I’m so hurt and angry.”
Take the time you need to learn how to communicate with compassion. And the compassion begins with your SELF. It takes a lot of energy and effort to maintain the barricades you might have erected around your heart. Allow yourself to tear down your barriers, put down your weapons, express your sadness, and begin to ask for what you need as you set appropriate boundaries.
As you learn to listen to all parts of yourself – the sad, scared, hurt, angry – you can speak FOR them, and not FROM them, which makes the dialogue much more heart-centered. And as you learn to be compassionate towards your own feelings, you begin to manifest that compassion towards your partner. It’s in that field of empathy that miracles can happen.
“We’ve tried counseling and it didn’t work. I don’t want to do anymore.”
You can always get divorced, but if you got divorced tomorrow, you’d still carry the burden of all those unexpressed feelings. You might meet someone else who will trigger you in just the same way your partner does. You won’t be “wasting time” to allow yourself one more attempt to create something new with the other parent of your children. You can also heal wounds that pre-dated the marriage, which you might be carrying from your family of origin.
”What can I do now?”
Give yourself the gift of Compassionate Mediation®. It just takes one person to begin to improve a relationship.
The only person you can ever change is yourself. If your partner is not ready or willing to participate, begin the process on your own. There is no need to suffer. Help is available. The tools you will learn can enhance the quality of your life and improve all your relationships. You and your family are worth it.
It’s never too late to create something new! I’m here to help!
Countless couples play out their emotional dramas without regard to the collateral damage they inflict on their innocent and loving children. Two people who once cared enough to promise to love and cherish “until death do them part” can also learn to fear and despise each other after years of pain and unmet needs.
These hurting individuals need compassion for the profound sadness underneath the rage. No matter how far apart a man and wife can become emotionally and physically, their children are caught in the middle and continue to feel the strife.
Families do not have to be “broken”, but can be peacefully and respectfully re-structured.
Whether you are stuck in an emotionally abusive situation, considering a divorce, in the middle of one, or long past the date of dissolution, if you are still angry and/or anxious in the company of your (ex)spouse, there is healing that can be done.
It starts with compassion – for yourself at first, and then eventually for your (former) partner. No matter what the reasons are that cause a union to terminate, there is pain and sadness and fear on both sides. Learning how to acknowledge those feelings, and to be met with empathy and understanding, is a gift you give your whole family, beginning with yourself.
Your children will only have one biological mother and father, no matter how many other partners are introduced into their lives. Children of all ages seek on some level to have a “happy family”. If you can’t find a way to live with the other parent, you can find a way to connect with civility, courtesy, and even kindness. Healing can happen, and it starts with you.
“Why should I have to do any more work? I was always the only one who cared enough to try harder!”
The work you do is ultimately for your own personal growth. With or without your (former) partner present, you can explore the origins of your own pain and anger, and learn how to relay your needs in words that don’t sound blaming or judgmental. You can learn how to calmly talk about your sadness and your fears, even if the end result is a decision to leave your marriage.
And if your divorce has already been finalized, you can find a way to reframe your experience so that it becomes a catalyst for forgiveness and a healthy letting go of pain. As you heal, your children benefit from your inner peace. And then you are truly free to go on with your own life, unburdened from the wounds of your past.
Divorce is the death of a dream.
None of us ever plans to get divorced, and when it happens, the grieving must be done. Calcifying our loss with indifference, resentments, or cut-offs only exacerbates the heartache our children bear. Learning how to relate to the other parent with dignity and respect is a priceless gift of love to your child. Divorce itself does not cause the damage. It is the parental conflict that leaves the lifelong wounds.
Losing My Marriage, Finding My Self
Victim or empowered? The choice is yours. You can exit a marriage with grace, no matter how long it’s been since you first said “I do”. And it is never too late to begin. The first step you take is the path to your authentic Self, a state of calm, clarity, compassion, creativity, courage, and confidence.
Counseling and/or Mediation
Alone or together, you can make decisions that will affect the rest of your life. Whether you begin with counseling and eventually end with mediation, you and your spouse can calmly discuss all issues in a compassionate way to lead to a peaceful and respectful resolution.
Post-divorce, healing can still be accomplished, with or without your former partner present. How did he/she remind you of your mother/father? What issues did you bring to the relationship? What can you learn to help you form more positive relationships in the future?
The Miracle of Empathy
Understanding and forgiving yourself and each other, and dealing with any feelings in the way of forgiveness, charts your course towards emotional liberation. As unbelievable as it may seem to you now, your future can be filled with peace and joy, and your children can have the benefit of parents who can both be present at important times in their lives. (If you don’t think it matters to your children any longer, just ask them.)
You owe it to your “re-structured family”, and to yourself, to be open to the possibility of a healthier relationship. It only takes one to start the process. You will be amazed at the difference it will make in all of your lives.
