You have many options. Things are not black and white. It is not a choice between status quo or Armageddon.
It’s not to stay where you are or implode your family.
There is a rainbow of options that you don’t understand yet, but you will.
As you start to learn how to communicate from your higher SELF and learn how to use the Miracle of Empathy, you can begin to talk about all the issues that you would have to talk about in a divorce.
In a divorce or a separation, you’re going have to talk about money, parenting, what you’re going todo with a house, etcetera.
You’re going to have to see if you need to get a job or not.
But when you are looking at all the possibilities, you can talk about them all without needing to end the relationship.
Because many times in a relationship, you’re locked in roles that you had many years ago that your parents had.
Sometimes the husband is the breadwinner and the wife stays at home and raises the children and he spends 15 or 20 years earning money. She feels neglected and he doesn’t know it. He’s ready to retire. She’s already been MIA, missing an action, because she’s felt so hurt for years and wasn’t able to share that.
Then they show up in my office ready to get divorced. He’s hopeful that she’ll love him and she’s ready to leave.
I tell the party that’s hopeful that they have to be willing to talk about what an ending would look like because the person that’s ready to leave isn’t ready to keep doing marriage counseling.
And I tell the person who wants to leave that they have to be willing to talk about the feelings because otherwise the person that’s still hopeful will sabotage any divorce proceedings.
And they could fight about it for two years before they were in a room talking about what they’re going talk about with me or with your counselor or with someone else who knows this process.
I wrote the book to help you – Compassionate Mediation® for Relationships at a Crossroad: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce.
Compassionate Mediation® is a transformational process of conflict resolution that will help you add passion to your marriage or compassion to your divorce. .
Compassionate Mediation® leads to hope and healing as it lets you take one step at a time, just one step.
I congratulate as you take it one step at a time, and staying open to possibilities.
If your ultimate goal is to be in a loving, kind, passionate, intimate, fun relationship, then that’s your GPS. That’s where you set your GPS now.
The steps to get there might not be clear yet, but what we do is if we could be as kind to yourself as you old GPS in our car used to be.
Remember how you set the GPS for where you wanted go And then you start going and you make a wrong turn the GPS just says, rerouting.
Rerouting.
It doesn’t say, “You stupid idiot. You’ve made a bad choice.” Or anything that we tell ourselves, right?
So if we know that we’re going to take small, incremental steps in the direction of our dreams, of the relationship we desire and deserve, then we’ll know when we’re listening to our higher SELF.
Then the steps to take will flow.
When we’re listening to our ego, or our fear, or our judgment or our defensiveness, we’re going to feel very constricted and, the path will be much more difficult.
So move in the direction of your highest good and see the universe support you. It really is amazing.
I wrote the book to help you – Compassionate Mediation® for Relationships at a Crossroad: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce.
Compassionate Mediation® is a transformational process of conflict resolution that will help you add passion to your marriage or compassion to your divorce. .
Whether you decide to stay or go, you have to get to a place of compassion. You have to get to a place where you
can really relate to each other with respect, with kindness, with empathy,
where you really listen to what’s underneath the anger that your partner might be showing you.
You really understand the hurt and the fear and the sadness, and
you really open your heart to empathize even if you’ve done it many times before.
As you give empathy, it enriches you no matter what your partner is going to do.
Compassionate Meditation® is helpful even if it’s just you who learns this process.
I have shared this process with an individual who’s come to my office confused about what to do to help their relationship.
I’ve shared it with couples that, one wants to stay and the other one wants to go. And that happens a lot of times.
And I’ve used it in mediation for divorce as well.
The first step is to come from your BEST SELF.
The second step, create a compassionate relationship. Practice the miracle of empathy, where you start talking about what you want with “I” messages instead of talking about your judgments with “you” messages.
Being able to talk with empathy means you have to have the five steps to receive what you want and need.
And those 5 steps are
you have to know what you want and need.
You have to know you deserve it.
You have to be willing to ask for it and
ready to receive it and
stay grateful.
So know what you want. Know you deserve it. Learn how to ask. Be willing to receive and stay grateful.
And that’s a process because many times, we’re in a relationship and we’ve spent our whole relationship taking care of other people. So we’ve lost sight of what we want and need.
Go back to that first step and nd out what makes you happy, and do that. Fill up with self-love, and then you’ll be more loving.
Take those five steps and you’ll begin to think about what it is you want and share that with your partner instead of what you don’t want.
I wrote the book to help you – Compassionate Mediation® for Relationships at a Crossroad: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce.
Compassionate Mediation® is a transformational process of conflict resolution that will help you add passion to your marriage or compassion to your divorce. .
This is for you if you’d like to heal and transform your relationship.
Compassionate Mediation® is a transformational and healing process of conflict resolution that will help you add passion to your marriage or compassion to your divorce. https://lindakroll.com/compassionate-m…
Compassionate Mediation is for you.
Create the Relationship You Desire and Deserve
No two relationships are alike.
If you take a moment to tell me about yours,
I can offer you solutions to help you
make the changes you need now.
Compassionate Mediation® can help you if you are not sure about what you want to do about your relationship If you’re like many of my clients, you’re feeling: ⎪ stuck ⎪ confused ⎪ anxious ⎪ guilty ⎪ hopeful that you can change your relationship and add more passion ⎪ or scared that it may lead to a separation or divorce.
I’m Linda Kroll. I’m a therapist, mediator, attorney, Chopra-certified master teacher of meditation, yoga, perfect health. As of last year, I’m the author of Compassionate Mediation: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce.
Island of Pain
If you’re on your own island of pain, feeling alone and lost and confused and scared, I want to help you find the bridge to wherever you’re supposed to go next. It doesn’t mean you have to take any steps. It just means you get the information you need so that when you’re ready to take a step you know that you have the information that will give you the best guidance.
My hope for you.
My intention is that you come out feeling more hopeful and see a possibility that you don’t see right now. I invite you to go to my website at Lindakroll.com and find the information that you need to get a free chapter of the book, to order the book, or just to learn more of the free gifts and resources that I have there.
As a therapist, mediator, attorney, and Chopra Certified Master teacher of Meditation, Yoga and Ayurveda, I’m offering a series of videos to introduce Compassionate Mediation® as a evolutionary and healing process of conflict resolution.
You can heal and transform your relationship from your highest and best SELF for the benefit of all concerned.
You can improve all your relationships –
starting with the one you have with your SELF!
Compassionate Communication allows you to connect to your best SELF, letting go of limiting beliefs, unburdening pain from your past, and relate from your heart.
You will know how to speak for all PARTS of yourself with confidence and clarity, as you stay connected to others with compassion.
Watch the video and send questions to Linda@LindaKroll.com.
Create the Relationship You Desire and Deserve
No two relationships are alike.
If you take a moment to tell me about yours,
I can offer you solutions to help you
make the changes you need now.
I’m inviting you to take a few moments, take a few breaths, and as you focus on what a beautiful day it is here and hopefully where you are, go inside and see if you can find a feeling that you haven’t been letting yourself feel.
If it’s a big feeling like sadness or fear or anger or pain, just invite that feeling to titrate.
What does it mean to titrate? it’s like when a nurse comes into a hospital and adjusts the rate of the drip in the IV bag. You can ask your feelings to come out a drip at a time, instead of overwhelming you.
Let’s invite our feelings to titrate in a way that we can handle instead of ignoring them, instead of denying them, instead of staying too busy or eating too much.
Wherever you are now, let’s just connect with our hearts, with each other, and just for a moment allow ourselves to feel a feeling.
Sometimes when we’re lucky enough to have friends that we can feel our feelings with we’re very blessed. In the meantime, we can be our own friend to ourself and allow ourselves to feel what we need to feel.
We don’t need to eat too much or drink too much or deny them or repress them or suppress them, we can just be with what we feel. Even if we can’t be with it because it’s not right right time, let’s just send our feelings some hugs.
Let’s just your feelings know you know they’re there. Go deeper and deeper and send love to your inner child if she or he is still suffering from something unacknowledged, sending love to your inner bride or inner groom who may have some feelings.
I think when we don’t allow ourselves to feel our feelings we get all bottled up, we get stuck, we get heavy, and dense, and slow, and sluggish, and moody.
If we could just acknowledge time to journal or meditate or take a walk or sit in nature or connect with someone we love or cry or vent or scream or whatever you need.
Just take a minute or two. Even if you don’t have that minute or two to be with the feelings, send them hugs. Let them know you’re there, let them know you’re aware.
In the quiet, compassionate, witnessing awareness that we can give our feelings, those parts of us that we exile or ignore, when we take just a few moments to give them the attention they can transform.
We’re just going to take a look at what it’s like to be in nature, to be in a place where we can explore our inner being and not have to do, be, do.
Here’s my little spot, right there, welcome you to join me, and here’s what it \looks like when I come here.
I just knew I wanted to be with you today. Nothing special, just sending love, and sending a request if you choose to join me, and taking a moment to take a breath and take a look inside and be with ourselves in a loving, compassionate, giving way that will give so many other people in our lives.
Even a few moments will make the difference. We can all pretend we’re taking a little walk deeper, and deeper, and deeper into the core of our being where everything we meet here is love; so your sad parts, your vulnerable parts, your hurt parts, your envious parts, your judgmental parts — just love them all. In loving them all they can transform.
Then when you’ve hugged your feelings send a lot of love and hugs, and understanding, and compassion to the feelings of the people in your life.
You can never have too much love, empathy or compassion.
In this moment of feeling our feelings, allowing them to breathe, bringing compassion to ourselves and ultimately to others, we can also just join hearts and hands in this beautiful experience of life.
Whatever you might be challenged with or struggling with, now or in the past, just allow yourself to feel and reach out for help.
Ask people you love to support you so that you know you’re not alone. Just know I’m sending you a lot of love, a lot of light, a lot of compassion.
Your fear can be a big feeling, but if we just allow ourselves to feel it and just tune in to what you’re afraid of that can dissipate. We don’t have to stay too busy to be afraid, we can just deal with our fear and share it because it’s universal, everything we feel is universal.
Just like the tree is supported by the earth, so too are we. Take a few deep breaths, belly breaths, and as your feet touch the ground, wherever you are, just imagine growing roots to the center of the earth.
Imagine as those roots grow deeper and wider you’re going to feel very firmly rooted, and planted, and grounded.
Invite up from the earth some nurturing and supportive energy. It goes from your feet up through your legs, your thighs, your hips, your groin, your stomach, your chest, and into and around your heart, with all the feelings that you have.
Then allow that nurturing energy from the earth to go up through your throat, your jaw, behind your eyes, your forehead, to the crown of your head, and out the crown of your head all the way to the sky.
Then invite down from the sky, universe, mother nature, higher power, God, what’s ever out there, invite down some very calm and compassionate energy.
Breathe even bigger than yourself so you surround yourself with this calm, compassionate energy. Then focus that compassion inward and find any place in your body where you’re holding tension or tightness, where you’ve got a thought or a feeling, and just allow yourself to be with it.
You don’t have to do anything, you don’t have to make sense of anything, you don’t have to fix anything, you don’t have to change anything, just allow yourself to be.
In that being-ness you’re bringing full presence to the moment.
With your full presence, full awareness, and open heart, your feelings have a place to move and be embraced. As you feel your feelings you might want to journal (or not) or you just might want to take a moment or two and know that you’ve given them some attention.
Thanks for being here, thanks for being with yourself.
Spend a few more moments with yourself and come back and join me at the Botanic either virtually, or like some people can hopefully soon, in person.
Sending you a lot of love, a lot of light, and a lot of hopes for a beautiful day filled with all kinds of feelings and, most of all, ones that bring you gratitude and joy.
Sending you love, bye for now.
xoxoxo
p.s. Feel your feelings so that you can transform them, release them, and let them go. Then you have room for more peace, love and joy. Y
