During this time of stress and uncertainty, relationships can be strained to their limits.
I want to share with you my proven transformational process for relationship healing Compassionate Mediation®.
Compassionate Mediation® is NOT just for individuals or couples considering divorce.
This process works with clients who aren’t worried about leaving, but want to improve their relationship with SELF-led communication.
Any relationship that needs healing or transformation will benefit — even if only one member of the relationship learns these skills.
Sometimes the willingness to consider what an ending may look like provides the impetus to create a new beginning together.
I’ll provide you with methods, strategies, and handouts I’ve used successfully with thousands of individuals and couples for over 35 years.
As a therapist, mediator, attorney, and Chopra-Certified teacher of meditation, yoga, and Ayurveda, I have created a process that covers emotional and spiritual healing along with financial and legal information and support.
Families need not be broken, but can peacefully and respectfully restructured.
Together, we can improve relationships – and even change the face of divorce – one heart at a time.too
It’s a time for love, forgiveness, compassion, and joy.
And it’s also a time to “start over.”
I recently had a big disagreement with someone I love very much.
He believed he was right and I was wrong, and I believed he was wrong and I was right.
We had a standoff of cold interactions for awhile. I’m sure he wanted to unload his reasoning on me, and I wanted him to understand my position.
Instead we kept telling ourselves the same stories about each other. “He always…., she never …..”
We looked at each other through the same filters of judgment and blame and disillusionment until finally the pain of the estrangement became worse than the need to be right.
One of us reached out and requested we “start over.”
What that means is you just begin again.
You pick up in the moment. You find the best of who you are.
You relate from your heart.
You let go of all the stories you’ve told yourself and others about the other person.
You change the filters through which you’re judging that person and stop judging, and clear your vision. And you give yourself and the other person a chance to show up as their best self and just begin again.
You can go back to the best of who you were before the argument. Or you could decide to even go forward with more love, and compassion, and forgiveness, and understanding, first of yourself and then of the other person.
Pick someone and start over today by being your best self, letting go of all your old stories, changing the old filters, and relating from your heart.
From my heart to yours, happy holidays. Happy new year. Happy everything.
Hi, it’s Linda. I’m at the Botanic coming to you live cuz I wanted to talk about what kind of relationship can you start over with right now And in our Compassionate Communication Community, we talk a lot about connecting to our highest self, letting go of limiting beliefs and judgments,unburdening, pain from the past and relating from our heart.
But what does that really mean?
Instead, you could take a breath right now, and as I look around at the beautiful scenery, think about a relationshipbright now that might be strained or might be in conflict.
And see if in just a few moments you can start over.
When my children were younger and teenagers and we might be
fighting about something, one or both of them might come in in the middle of an argument crying and say, “Can we start over?”
And what that means is it doesn’t matter who said what, who did what, who was right, who was wrong, what did you need to do over.
It just means start over.
Just take a breath and see if you can pick up from the last time you felt good about that person and go back there and do it again.
I have some friends and some of them aren’t talking to their children, some aren’t talking to their siblings, and there’s a way to have boundaries without disconnecting.
Even if the other person might not be someone that you want to communicate with rightnow, you don’t have to communicate with them. You can just start over.
Take a deep breath, give yourself permission not to replay the old
stories, to change the filter by which you’re seeing the other person, and to allow yourself to begin to think that you can start over.
People can change,Situations can change.
And forgiveness is a gift that sets you free.
You can set boundaries. You can decide you do or don’t want to be connected to that person.
But if you give yourself permission to start over right now and take off that filter through which you’re judging them or yourself, and stop believing the stories you keep telling yourself, and just give yourself a clean slate, then what you can do is change the energy between the two of you.
And as you change the energy, the relationship changes.
Give it a try.
Think about somebody right now with whom you’re having a convict or a strain.
Take a few deep breaths, belly breaths where you can really get to your higher self.
Drop down from your head into your heart and compassionately
communicate to yourself first.
Let yourself know that you understand you have some hard feelings or hurt feelings or misunderstood feelings. And then see if you could turn that compassion outward because the other person probably does too.
They may have similar hurt feelings and sadness, and you can put
yourself in their shoes for just a minute so that you can be compassionate.
And there’s a great guided meditation I have on my website. You can get it in your Compassionate Communication Care Kit at www.LindaKroll.com/CCC
You can get a guided meditation to help you get to Self.
And when you’re “in Self,” you’ll see that our human parts that rub up against another’s don’t have to get in the way of a divine soul connection.
We can connect divinely with other people.
*****
So I’m at the Botanic Garden waxing philosophically bringing you to see the glorious vistage is here and inviting you to start over with somebody right now.
And even if you don’t tell them you’re starting over, just do.
And you may find that they’re going to reach out to you and you can begin a conversation without processing all the feelings of the past, even though that’s good to do.
Both of you want to. But the other thing is to see the highest in
each one of you. To let all your human parts that judge just relax while you go to the top of the mountain from your highest and best Self and have compassion for yourself and have compassion for the
other party.
Even if you decide not to connect, you’ll see there’s more peace.
****
You can start over with a relationship that brings you peace, brings you joy, and gives you a way to get off the hook of whatever you’re telling yourself.
We’re at the Botanic Gardens
I’m about to go to the Rose Garden and we’re talking about starting over.
And just like plants need to be replanted, relationships can heal and transform.
A few months ago there were tulips. Now here’s roses.
Relationships can take on different flavors.
Compassionate communication,sets you free.
Whenever I come here, I just reconnect to myself, to my soul, to the earth.
if you have any questions about how to start over in a
relationship, just ask me. I’m a pro.
I’m a pro at starting over with parents and children, ex-spouses and in-laws and all kinds of people with whom you could have conflict, but you don’t need to maintain the conflict, especially when there’s so much beauty in the world.
Take time to smell the roses, take time to get outside, and most of all give yourself permission to start over.
And again, arose by any other name is still divine. And you are divine. Thanks for joining me. Sending love, light and hopes that wherever you’re having an issue in a relationship, just start over. It really works.
My heart goes out to all of us for the suffering in the world.
We can make 2024 a much better year with more empathy and compassion.
We will find ways to mediate to a middle ground where we will all be safe.
Thich Nhat Hanh says:“To reconcile conflicting parties, we must have the ability to understand the suffering of both sides.If we take sides, it is impossible to do the work of reconciliation. And humans want to take sides. That is why the situation gets worse and worse.Are there people who are still available to both sides? They need not do much.They need only do one thing, go to one side and tell all about the suffering endured by the other side, and go to the other side and tell all about the suffering endured by this side.That is our chance for peace. That can change the situation.”
We are all suffering.We are all exhausted, depleted, and sometimes hopeless.
Ther are things we can do NOW to make things better today!
Practice compassion for yourself and others.
Feel empathy for someone with whom you have conflict.
Don’t seek to fix, desire to understand.
Don’t try to change another, aspire to accept.
Remember we all feel the sadness, fears, pain…
And we all have the same capacity for kindness and love.
Foster more of the latter (kindness and love)To douse the flames of those feelings we exile (sadness, fear, pain)
Stop trying to “manage” away from your life.
Go into your heart.
Breathe and let your SELF-awareness expand.
Share it with all your parts.
Share it with the world – starting now – with one breath…
Compassionate Mediation incorporates IFS therapy, higher consciousness, and other modalities to help an individual or couple to talk about their options.
Many times people don’t know what their options are.
They come in to see me, they’re unhappy, but they don’t know if they want to stay or go. They’ve thought about leaving, but a separation sounds scary. They’ve thought about a divorce, they don’t know what to do next. They don’t want to go talk to a lawyer because it makes it too real.
Using the principles of IFS, what I’m also offering you is the information and the framework for delivering that information that makes you an expert in a newly evolving field of Compassionate Mediation®.
My hope for the future is that if someone feels that they’re having conflict in their relationship, they want to go to someone who also has the tools of Compassionate Mediation so they can talk about all their Parts and communicate from their highest and best SELF.
Maybe, just maybe one or both of them has thought about separation or divorce. Usually they think about it for two to ten years before they act on it.
What Compassionate Mediation does is offer them the OPTION to add passion to your marriage, or compassion to your divorce.
It’s the same skill-set – to talk about a new and better marriage – or a peaceful and respectful divorce.
My first one or two sessions are exactly the same — even if people are coming strictly for mediation. They learn the skills of Compassionate Communicaiton first.
I want them to access and understand how to speak from their higher self, I want them to understand what parts means, in terms of their own parts and their partner’s parts. I want to teach them that there is a way to empathize. “You may choose to leave, but you can still be empathetic.”
And I want to help them create a compassionate relationship because even if the relationship ends, then it will create a new beginning of two restructured families.
In terms of how to integrate this, there’s a lot of information that I’m going to offer you.
Once you have that in your skill-set, you’ll know that should somebody come into your office for whatever reason.
People come in with eating disorders. People come in depressed. People come in with anxiety. And what’s really going on when you get underneath it is that they’re unhappy in their relationship, but they don’t want to talk about it because they think, “Well, if I talk about being unhappy, I’m going to have to leave. I don’t want to leave, so I don’t want to talk about it.”
But we help them talk about everything, and we help them see they can consider an ending, they can get their information, and then they can make informed, enlightened, empowered, SELF-lead decisions.
I blend emotional and spiritual healing along with financial and legal information and support. I want to share all of these tools with you so that you can expand your expertise, impact, and income.
We are also creating a community of professionals who are helping to change the face of divorce, one heart at a time.
If you are a therapist or coach, you can receive continuing education credits from the National Board of Certified Counselors (NBCC) and the International Coach Federation (ICF), respectively.
With all that is going on in the world right now, relationships are stressed to their limits.
If you are a therapist, coach, mediator, attorney, counselor or clergy, please join my upcoming LIVE IFS-based course to learn the tools of Compassionate Mediation® to share with your individual and couples clients.
The IFS Institute send out an email in April, and I’m doing the course again.
When a marriage is in crisis, both people are often suffering from unmet expectations, dashed hopes, stored resentments, impenetrable walls, quiet desperation, and even overt war.
At such an intense emotional impasse—couples will fall into a mode of either fight-or-flight or frozen purgatory—and neither is the place from which to make life-altering decisions.
I have worked with thousands of men and women who come to me for a divorce because they had been living in pain for years without making any changes.
Compassionate Mediation® gives you the tools to make changes before divorce is the ONLY option, and if it becomes the final option, Compassionate Mediation® offers you a way to create a Compassionate SELF-led Divorce®.
For over 35 years, as a therapist, mediator and attorney, I have worked with thousands of individuals and couples who want to improve (or leave) their relationships.
My heart goes out to each one of them. Often, I wish I had been able to help them years before our first visit, because they could have avoided the pain, anger or sadness that had affected their lives.
I can only see a limited number of clients in person each week, and my hope is to reach people everywhere with a message of self love, hope, possibility and happiness.
My goal in creating my book and online course is to share what I have been doing for decades so that people all over the world could learn the skills of Compassionate Communication. You can learn how to heal the pain from your past, let go of limiting beliefs, connect to your spiritual source and relate from your highest and best SELF.
It’s no secret that half of all first marriages end in divorce. But it may be surprising to learn that the failure rates for second and third failed marriages get even worse: 67 and 73 percent, respectively, according to a 2012 article in Psychology Today, “The High Failure Rate of Second and Third Marriages.”
But what about the statistics on married people who are “thinking” about divorce?
Researchers estimate that 1 in 3 divorced couples try to reconcile later, according to a paper written by a noted marriage scholar and therapist. Also, a significant number of divorced individuals—about half—say they wished they or their spouse had tried harder to save the marriage.
In other words, divorce is all too common, and there’s a lot of regret out there. It’s these people whom I want to help —the ones at a crossroads of their marriage— as well as those struggling with challenges in their marriage and seeking to make their union healthier, richer, deeper.
Compassionate Mediation®for Relationships at a Crossroadswill show you how to become more conscious of your own behaviors as you better understand yourself and your partner, and create something new, together.
I’ll share with you the secrets to becoming more empathetic and considerate.
You’ll finally be able to talk about every subject with clarity and courage, including finances, parenting, responsibilities, extended family, and sex.
You’ll learn how to ask for and get your needs met as you lower your “walls,” change the “filters” through which you see yourself and your partner, and forgive yourself and each other.
You’ll remember how to be grateful again for what you do have, and learn how to reflect the attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance you both desire.
The world needs to be a safer place for marriage and divorce.
Children should be shielded from the shrapnel of their parents’ animosity. This book will offer a new paradigm for couples at a crossroads.
I believe that families need not be “broken,” but can be peacefully, and respectfully, restructured.
My book and program will give you the roadmap you need—whether you choose to put passion into saving your marriage, or compassion into getting a divorce.
As a therapist, mediator, attorney, and Chopra-certified Master Teacher of Meditation, Yoga and Ayurveda, I’ve successfully applied this approach to thousands of couples in my thirty-five years of private practice.
Couples no longer have to spend years “on the fence” in an unhappy, dysfunctional relationship.
Through my book and program, you will learn how to set healthy boundaries, as well as how to ask for what you truly want and need — even if it means you can only give it to yourself!
Compassionate Mediation is about helping individuals and couples get “unstuck” and clear so they can move forward—whether that means reviving their marriage and starting anew—or ending the relationship with compassion for both their sakes.
In-between the weeping, beauty abounds: my story
I once was where you are now, and it’s a painful, lonely place.
I discussed my situation with friends, family members, and loved ones, but in the end, no one could make the decision for me.
There were moments when I was clear and determined, but more often, I was trapped in a state of limbo, unable to leave but unhappy in the marriage.
Because I’ve experienced divorce firsthand, I have much to share about what to do—and what NOT to do.
For years, I asked myself, “Should I stay or should I go?”
In the decade it took me to finally decide, I took the pain of my own failings and missteps, and turned them into lessons learned and methods developed that are now helping others succeed.
As I struggled with my own marriage and emotions, I returned to school to study psychotherapy, earning my second graduate degree and becoming a licensed clinical professional counselor, as well as a mediator and attorney.
Surely, I thought, as a lawyer, mediator, and therapist, I could get us through our divorce as smoothly and painlessly as possible. But trying to mediate your own divorce is like trying to deliver your own baby. Sure, it may be remotely possible, but ultimately, it’s way too difficult.
I tried to make our divorce “picture perfect,” until I realized: codependence isn’t the same thing as compassion, and that yes, LOVE is the answer, but it starts with loving your SELF.
During my journey of self-discovery and healing, I became the oldest Vedic Master trained by Deepak Chopra, David Simon, and Davidji at the Chopra Center University (the trifecta of certifications). I used to say I got my Medicare card in May and my Vedic Master card in June.
I’ve always believed that our struggles are part of our dharma or purpose.
We can only offer wisdom to others by healing ourselves.
I’ve learned through the years that being open and vulnerable with others, that sharing from the heart is more powerful medicine than ten degrees or theories. Hard-earned wisdom has finally surpassed my education, and I want to share it all.
It’s the mistakes I made along the way that may help you the most.
This book and program will lead you through the steps you need to take so you can resolve your issues for the highest good of all concerned.
Love is the answer, and it starts with loving your SELF.
Through the art of Compassionate Mediation, you’ll learn how to heal burdens from your past, let go of limiting beliefs, connect to your Spiritual Source, and relate from your highest and best SELF.
So instead of asking the question “Should I stay or should I go?” you’ll now consider, “How can I bring my best SELF to this relationship and transform it from the inside out?”
