I have a passion to make the world a safer place for marriage and divorce.
Of all the wars and illnesses, I wonder how many more casualties are attributed to the fall of a family. How many innocent bystanders are harmed by the decision of two people to terminate a marriage? How many generations pay the price of familial conflict?
I know there has to be a better way. I share it with my clients daily
I help individuals and couples a new way to communicate based on empathy and compassion. They can then use these skills to talk about all their issues including parenting, feelings, finances, and even sex.
We also discuss specific issues that would be addressed if they would make a decision to separate or divorce. Possible scenarios for property division, maintenance, child support and parenting are addressed as well as day-to-day decision-making. What to tell children, parents and friends, and how to navigate the grieving and healing are also discussed.
I integrate wisdom from many teachers to create a new paradigm for conflict resolution that includes legal, financial, emotional and spiritual healing.
I believe, “Families need not be broken, but can be peacefully and respectfully re-structured.”
The anger and resentment that typify divorce are factors of unresolved fears and sadness. When couples can learn how to speak their truth from Self, connected to their Highest Power (G-d, Buddha nature, inner truth), they can have compassion for themselves and each other in a way that allows for forgiveness, healing and personal growth.
I encourage SELF-Leadership by working to unburden the “Parts” of themselves that carry pain from their past. By finding and healing their inner child, they can move forward in life with more compassion, clarity, calm, confidence, creativity, connectedness and curiosity.
I also help clients learn how to access Self directly through meditation, prayer, journaling, therapy, support groups, and different theories of healing modalities that encourage a body-mind-spirit connection and wholeness.
I want to help people
Learn how to compassionately communicate from their highest and best SELF
Create a Compassionate Relationship – no matter what form it takes.
Focus on healing pain from the past.
Practice exquisite self care.
Create a new and better relationship with their current partner OR
Experience a better way to divorce that fosters personal and spiritual growth.
Bringing spiritual wisdom – acceptance, forgiveness, humility, responsibility, compassion, non-judgment — is liberating and life-enhancing to all members of a re-structured family.
The best gift you can give your children is to minimize conflict.
Learning to love and accept yourself with compassion allows you to be more compassionate with others.
Forgiveness helps you let go with love in a way that you can feel liberated, energized and free to live your life from your highest potential.
My book and online course will help:
Individuals or couples considering divorce, going through a divorce or even post-divorce
anyone is a relationship having conflict
friends or relatives who want to offer this guidance to people who need it
Grandparents who want to give it to their children considering divorce so that the feelings and needs of the grandchildren could become a priority.
The audience could give it to their spouses, their children, or anyone touched by divorce, to help them find the gifts in the experience.
The reader would feel the book was a “spiritual and emotional guidebook” written with them in mind to help them each step of the way.
It will benefit at least 50% of the total world’s population affected by divorce because spiritual growth, rather than pain and suffering, would be the outcome of future marital dissolutions.
Create the Relationship You Desire and Deserve!
No two relationships are alike. If you take a moment to tell me about yours, I can offer you solutions to help you make the changes you need now.
(… for everyone considering, in the middle, or even past a divorce.)
My heart goes out to you.
Your family doesn’t need to be “broken,” but can be peacefully and respectfully “re-structured.” Your children need to be shielded from the shrapnel of your hurt or animosity. Love is the answer — and it starts with loving your SELF.
There IS a better way to resolve conflict, heal your pain, and communicate with empathy. My book became an instant Amazon International Bestseller in the fields of Divorce, Parenting and Reference.
Compassionate Mediation® for Relationships at a Crossroad: Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce offers a roadmap for Compassionate Communication leading to a peaceful and respectful transformation.
When I finally got divorced (many years ago), after a very long separation (9 years!) I brought this prayer with me to the courtroom. I gave it to my soon-to-be-ex-husband and our attorneys. When the gavel came down, I handed out Hershey kisses and hugged my ex — and said I was sorry and I love him. Both were true then and still are.
I share the prayer I had written the night before we ended our 20 year union. Please consider using it for the sake of your children and your future. I send my heartfelt love and empathy to you all.
Linda’s Prayer for a Peaceful Parting
I pray for a peaceful and respectful settlement meeting, in which all parties come together from their Highest Selves and their truest connection to Your guidance, wisdom and love.
I pray that the parts of ourselves that are angry, fearful, defensive, revengeful, retributive, punitive, unloving, unforgiving, sad, young, abandoned, resentful, negative, hurting and hurtful – that all these parts be quelled with the leadership of the Self, coming from a place of trust in Your presence and light.
I pray for compassion, forgiveness, gratitude and appreciation. Although our marriage has come down to a business closing of money and asset division, I ask that we remember the love that brought us together, and the wonderful children which our union has borne. For their sakes as well as our own, we wish to put an end to this process in as respectful and loving a way as possible.
Although we each carry our sadness and pain and mutual regrets, I pray that we can look beyond this difficult period to a time when we can be friends and coexist peacefully. I pray that our once intact family can be rearranged to two intact and loving homes, where our children feel connected and comfortable. I pray that we can hold in a different light the love that once joined us forever; that on the deepest level we wish each other well as we let go and let G-d direct our lives.
For the sake of all we once had, and for all we had planned to share together, let us now finalize the terms of our marital dissolution so that we are both free to get on with our lives.
Let us complete this last painful task with a sense of trust in the love we once shared and hopefully can remember after this part is over.
Let us not work from purely simple and self-serving motives, but keep in mind the general welfare of each of us, and our children.
Let us request our attorneys to contribute what is needed for the mutual benefit of all concerned.
In the end, let us know that we behaved civilly, that we can look back with a clear conscience, and that as much as we could, we came from our hearts. G-d bless us and direct us all. Amen.
Compassionate Mediation® will help you now!
I never thought my marriage would end, and I have dedicated my life to make sure other people don’t have to suffer the way our family and children did.
The sooner Compassionate Mediation® is begun, the better, Even if you’ve filed for divorce, you can learn a new way to Compassionately Communicate that inspires you to connect you to your highest and best SELF, let go of your limiting beliefs (and the walls around your heart,) heal pain from the past (and your “inner child”), and relate from your heart.
For over 30 years, this process has helped hundreds of women and men create the relationship they deserve and desire. And even more important, Compassionate Mediation® helps the children whose parents create a new relationship with respect, compassion and friendship. I’d love to help you all.
As a therapist, mediator, attorney, Linda is the author of Compassionate Mediation® for Relationships at a Crossroads: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce and also the Kindle book, Compassionate Divorce™: Changing the Face of Divorce, One Heart at a Time.
She is also a Chopra-certified teacher of meditation, yoga, and Ayurveda.
She combines emotional and spiritual healing, along with legal and financial information and support.
I pray for a peaceful and respectful settlement meeting, in which all parties come together from their Highest Selves and their truest connection to Your guidance, wisdom and love.
I pray that the parts of ourselves that are angry, fearful, defensive, revengeful, retributive, punitive, unloving, unforgiving, sad, young, abandoned, resentful, negative, hurting and hurtful – that all these parts be quelled with the leadership of the Self, coming from a place of trust in Your presence and light.
I pray for compassion, forgiveness, gratitude and appreciation. Although our marriage has come down to a business closing of money and asset division, I ask that we remember the love that brought us together, and the wonderful children which our union has borne. For their sakes as well as our own, we wish to put an end to this process in as respectful and loving a way as possible.
Although we each carry our sadness and pain and mutual regrets, I pray that we can look beyond this difficult period to a time when we can be friends and coexist peacefully. I pray that our once intact family can be rearranged to two intact and loving homes, where our children feel connected and comfortable. I pray that we can hold in a different light the love that once joined us forever; that on the deepest level we wish each other well as we let go and let G-d direct our lives.
For the sake of all we once had, and for all we had planned to share together, let us now finalize the terms of our marital dissolution so that we are both free to get on with our lives.
Let us complete this last painful task with a sense of trust in the love we once shared and hopefully can remember after this part is over.
Let us not work from purely simple and self-serving motives, but keep in mind the general welfare of each of us, and our children.
Let us request our attorneys to contribute what is needed for the mutual benefit of all concerned.
In the end, let us know that we behaved civilly, that we can look back with a clear conscience, and that as much as we could, we came from our hearts. G-d bless us and direct us all. Amen.
Welcome to the State of Limbo – that area in the travelogue in which you seem to run around in circles, or just state a sit-down strike and don’t move at all. It may be true that your vistas are limited and your opportunities for new experiences are narrowed. You might be willing to sacrifice the ability to move forward for the security—no matter how fleeting or illusory—of holding onto the relationship, marriage, person and/or dream. It’s your trip and you can plan it any way you want.
And when you visit or move into Limbo, you will be offered incessant advice from well-meaning friends and relatives:
“Why don’t you just file for divorce?”
“Get on with your life!”
“Why can’t you let go?”
“You’ll be much better off if you just face reality and move on!”
“When are you going to wake up and let your lawyer do his job?”
And some days you will take a few steps forward, to be followed the next day by several steps back into stagnation, lethargy or the familiar territory of the State of Limbo.
WHY WE STAY IN LIMBO
Many people wonder why they can’t move on. There are several reasons:
ANGER “I’m too angry to make any decision. Let him/her take action. I’m not doing anything!”
CODEPENDENCY “If I stay nice/loving/available, he’ll love me more/again.”
DENIAL “If I don’t make any decisions or take any actions then maybe this really isn’t happening.”
HOPE “Maybe he’ll change/end the affair/give up the booze/realize what he’s missing and come home.”
FEAR “I’m afraid if I let go, I’ll be a bag lady/alone/unloved unwanted/abandoned.”
FINANCIAL “The money is too much to give up.”
GRIEF “It’s all I can do to function. I can’t do any more now.”
HEALING TIME “I’m adjusting to my loss and that’s all I can do at this time.”
LACK OF SELF ESTEEM “I would be nothing without my spouse.”
MANIPULATION “I’m waiting for the right time to make any movement. I’m going to travel and spend his money for as long as I can.”
PAIN “I hurt too much to add other things to my life now.:
SADNESS “I’m too sad to take any action.”
STRATEGIC “If he has to file first, he’ll feel more guilty and be more generous.”
HOW IT FEELS TO BE “IN LIMBO”
Sometimes limbo does offer space to heal, grieve, plan, adjust. that is why you must listen to your own inner voice to tell you what is right for you. Don’t take action for the sake of pleasing anyone else or because of what other people think. It’s your life and your future and you are the best determinate of what is in your best interest. You will know when it is time to move on, and that will be when the pain of staying where you are is greater than the fear of taking whatever is the next step for you (asking him to leave, seeing a mediator, filing for divorce, letting your lawyer do discovery, going back to school, getting a job, etc.)
From time to time, you may feel exasperated with yourself, and then you add “guilt” to the other feelings you are trying to manage:
“I know I should do something more.” (You are “shoulding” on yourself.)
“I feel so bad that I can’t seem to make any decisions.” (Deciding not to decide IS a decision.)
“I feel so weak, stupid, powerless.” (As you lower your already vulnerable self esteem quotient.)
Give yourself permission to be wherever you are. Know that you are on your path and you will move forward when you are ready, willing, and able. Don’t compound the pain of divorce with the guilt of “shoulding” on yourself. Allow yourself the time and space and peace you need to adjust before you move on to the next step, whatever that is.
LEAVING LIMBO
You will be ready to move when you are aware that staying hurts too much. And then you might move into a different state of limbo, but at least you are moving.
Create the Relationship You Desire and Deserve!
No two relationships are alike. If you take a moment to tell me about yours, I can offer you solutions to help you make the changes you need now.
Divorce is one of life’s major stressors, but perhaps “wondering if you should get a divorce” can sometimes be more stressful than actually making a decision and moving forward. When you finally decide whether to stay or go, you can confidently move in that one direction. When you are not sure what you want to do, life becomes a series of vastly different possibilities, each with its own set of fears and concerns.
You might wonder, “What if I stay and it never gets any better?” You then project a lifetime where you are stuck in a relationship that doesn’t meet your needs and brings out the worst version of your self.
Perhaps you worry, “What if I leave and I’m all alone and broke and without my children?” You begin to picture all the horrors that are possible, and turn around and vacillate some more. The stress of indecision and procrastination, feeling stuck and overwhelmed is often worse than making a choice. Author Anais Nin has said, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” You have your own choice to make. You can stay where you are or you can explore the possibilities of change.
The constant uncertainty, vacillation, and ambivalence make it hard for you to be present in a calm and peaceful way. You are constantly worrying about your future, concentrating on what is wrong with the present, and ruminating about the pain from the past. All of that behavior increases the feelings of stress that affect your emotional, psychological and physical health. Divorce is almost as stressful as the death of a loved one. It is a different kind of death—the death of a relationship, the death of a marriage, and often the most difficult, the death of a dream.
Explore All Your Options
Compassionate Mediation is a process that helps you either add passion to your marriage or compassion to your divorce. You don’t have to spend years “on the fence” in an unhappy or dysfunctional relationship. You can learn how to speak your truth courageously and set healthy boundaries confidently. You will discover what you truly want and need, believe that you deserve to be happy and fulfilled, and learn how to ask respectfully, receive graciously, and share your gratitude. You will begin to experience more love in your life, even if it means you give it to yourself.
You will learn how to become more empathetic and considerate—first for yourself, and then your partner. You will know how to ask for and get your needs met and forgive yourself and each other. You will remember how to be grateful again for what you do share, and learn how to reflect the attention, affection, appreciation, and acceptance you both desire—no matter the outcome.
You will learn that it’s not always what you say but how you say it. You will experience the healing power of “thank you” and “I’m sorry.” You will safely explore all your options to re-structure your family peacefully and respectfully.
Remember Who You Truly Are
The French philosopher Teilhard de Chardin said, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” You can always tune in to who you truly are, underneath your thoughts, feelings, and past experiences. You can connect with what I believe is your divine spiritual nature in the midst of your human experiences. You become more conscious, aware, mindful—in other words, more “SELF-led.” You learn how to choose your responses, your behavior, and your future decisions from your highest and best SELF. Becoming more conscious and SELF-led in your relationship allows you to focus on the higher good for all concerned, and then relate compassionately to heal and transform the dynamics between you and your partner.
In her new book of the same title, Katherine Woodard has described her process of “Conscious Uncoupling” as a loving way to end a marriage. When you are in SELF, you can also choose to consciously couple in a way that leads to more intimacy, passion, connection and fun. You will feel more balanced, peaceful, openhearted, open-minded, and present.
Create the Relationship You Desire and Deserve!
No two relationships are alike. If you take a moment to tell me about yours, I can offer you solutions to help you make the changes you need now.
