A Compassionate Divorce
Heals Your Re-Structured Family
Families need not be “broken,” but can be peacefully and respectfully “re-structured.”
If your marriage in in conflict, if you are separated now or even in the middle of your divorce, you can proceed with compassion, empathy and respect.
Create the Relationship You Desire and Deserve!
No two relationships are alike.
If you take a moment to tell me about yours,
I can offer you solutions to help you make the changes you need now. Click HERE to get your FREE RELATIONSHIP ASSESSMENT.
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You don’t have to destroy your family, even as you end your marriage. Click here to learn.
Linda Kroll, a therapist, mediator, attorney, and author has worked with hundreds of individuals and couples for over 25 years. She shares that Compassionate Divorce is not only possible, but a healing opportunity for your future.
Compassionate Mediation® leads to a Compassionate Divorce, and healing and transformation for the future.
You once loved your partner enough to promise to love them for a lifetime. Your story about the current relationship has caused you to choose to leave. Or your partner wants a divorce and you have to respond.
Marriages end for different reasons:
Unmet needs and expectations
Irreconcilable differences
Abuse, addictions, affairs
Growing apart
(put your reason here….)
Whatever your issue, the same emotions appear in one or both parties: sadness, fear, anger, terror, rage, confusion, pain, longing, hopelessness, hope, regrets, guilt…. and more.
You need to acknowledge the roller coaster of feelings even as you negotiate the legal and financial details.
Compassionate Mediation® supports you as you:
Be your best Self
Create a compassionate relationship
Explore all your options
Understand your rights and finances
Create the relationship you desire and deserve.
Linda’s clients say:
“I learned there could be a Compassionate Divorce.”
“I imagine that working with me and my spouse was quite challenging as we both brought a lot with us while dealing with intense life issues. Once the difficult decisions were further along, there was space to let concepts into my mind and heart of empathy and compassion.
“Linda always seemed to maintain an ability to stay above the fray, and she taught me how to come from my Highest Self. I feel that I understood the meaning of Highest Self immediately, yet before being introduced to that concept by Linda, I don’t think that I operated from that place often enough. I am now am working toward living my best life, from my Highest Self, looking for good things for myself, my newly structured family, and for the greater good in my business and personal life.” — Paul
“Linda guided us mindfully through the impact of divorce.” “My (former) husband and I owned a business together and worked together every day. We wanted to dissolve our marriage but not lose our company in the process. Linda helped us sort out the dysfunctional parts of the relationship from the parts of our relationship that still worked and we wanted to retain, allowing us to continue to work together, successfully, for years. She helped us separate from each other in a mutually respectable way so that I could move past my anger and disappointment in the failed relationship.
She also helped us stay focused on what was really important: our 3 year old child, making him the center of most of our decisions, asking ourselves what was best for him as we wrote our joint parenting agreement. When our son attended a group for kids of divorced parents at his school, they thought he was fantasizing when he told the counselor his parents worked together every day. Not only was Linda able to guide and advise us mindfully through the psychological and physical impact of divorce, but also the legal aspects, helping us as she wrote our divorce decree to suit our needs.”
—Gina
“I came to Linda seeking mediated divorce documents and came out with nothing but peace and hope.”
“Linda’s unwavering pursuit of compassion and dogged exploration into the emotional history of both our lives was incredibly revelatory. I came to understand how little I understood myself emotionally as well as how much pain I had suppressed, hidden, or avoided. I was able then to see my wife as a person to be respected, instead of a problem to be solved, and now am party to perhaps the best divorce the world has seen. My relationship with my ex-wife now is better than it ever was when we were married. Our child has performed a full reversal of negative behaviors to become a desired friend, colleague, and leader in her social circles.”
–Jeremy
Yes, you can believe it!
Perhaps that is hard to realize when you are suffering from unmet needs and expectations. You may have built walls around your heart to protect yourself from being hurt. You have negative filters through which you see and judge your partner (and often yourself), and you keep believing the same stories you have been telling yourself.
You have explained the reasons why you are unhappy to friends, family and maybe a therapist. You may have hired an attorney to begin the divorce process, and told them your perspective as they go to court on your behalf.
Your children may be caught in the middle of a cold war or an all out conflict, but it doesn’t have to be that way. The biggest gift you can gift your children is to minimize conflict between you and your spouse.
You can learn a new way to communicate now, and spare your children from the shrapnel of your animosity.
You can choose to separate and divorce with peaceful conversations about all the issues you need to resolve.
A new method of conflict resolution will give you the tools you need to re-structure you family in the highest good for all concerned .
With Compassionate Communication, no subject is off limits. When you relate to your partner with empathy, even at this life-changing experience, it gives you an invaluable opportunity to heal even as you individuate.
You have both done the best you know how to do. You can become more calm, clear and confident as you ask for and receive what you want and need.
Why compassion when you’re so angry or hurt?
Remember to start with compassion for yourself!
Acknowledge your feelings, have the courage to talk about your needs, find support for yourself as you embark on a transformational process.
You will get through your divorce, but HOW you navigate the process will affect the future of yourself and your family.
If you have children, you will always be in contact with your “ex.” The way you relate, and even the energy you experience when you think about your former spouse is picked up by your children.
They marinate inside the relationship you build, no matter what form it takes. Why not give them an environment of peace and respect instead of animosity and blame?
You will have to grieve your loss.
You don’t expect to get divorced. It wasn’t supposed to happen to you. It was for the other 50% of the population. You will have to feel your feelings and the denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance that comes with the death of a relationship.
But your relationship does not have to die. It can shift into something new and better than it is now. You can model for your children how conflict can be resolved, and peace can be restored, even with a new way of relating and living apart.
But don’t get stuck in the typical adversarial process. You can bring a whole new way of being to your relationship as you negotiate a better future.
When you create a Compassionate Divorce, you heal relationships from the past and moving forward.
You have the power to create an atmosphere of respect for your extended family — and even in future step-family situations.
No matter how much pain you feel right now, or how hopeless it feels, get your free chapter so that —
Together, we can change the face of divorce, one heart at a time.
You can go to counseling by yourself, or invite your spouse to join you for marital counseling. Are you
being your best Self in your relationship or reacting with negativity and blame?
relating with kindness to the person you once promised to love forever?
angry and judgmental at yourself as well as your spouse?
You may be ambivalent about whether to try marriage counseling (again) or just file for divorce. You might feel overwhelmed, scared, or lost in indecision. Fear, uncertainty, anger and resentment have possibly impacted your relationship over time.
Learn a new way to communicate.
However, if one or both of you are so unhappy that you have secretly thought of – or openly discussed – the possibility of separating or ending the relationship, then Compassionate Mediation® is just what you need.
Compassionate Mediation® is a healing program to help you communicate with your partner to resolve all of your conflicts.
It is a short-term process that helps add passion to your marriage or compassion to your divorce.
You or your partner might feel trapped in habitual patterns that create “walls” that prevent you from being your best SELF in your relationship.
Compassionate Mediation® provides a safe place for you to talk about everything that has been an issue in your relationship. You will:
communicate with compassion
feel heard and understood
share your feelings courageously
give and receive empathy
be safe to “put down your walls”
forgive yourself and your partner.
Compassionate Mediation® is for you if you want to try to create a new and better marriage instead of proceeding towards a break up or divorce with hurt and anger.
And if you do ultimately decide to part ways, you will be able to do so with respect and peace.
Instead of reacting in ways that continue to do harm, you learn to relate from your heart — and from your best Self.
What does it mean to be “in Self?”
When you are “in SELF,” you are more calm, clear and compassionate. You speak with more confidence, as you stay connected to your intuition and deeper knowing.
You are not making decisions from reactive “Parts” of you that may be scared, walled, judgmental, angry or retaliatory. You are able to stay in the present moment and co-create a relationship that considers everyone’s needs, starting with your own.
Problems in your relationship are not always about “what” is said but “how” you are saying it. When speaking from SELF, you can create more acceptance, attention, appreciation and affection for each other.
At the same time, you will also be able to discuss other possibilities for a new relationship – including a separation, a legal separation, or a SELF-led Divorce®.
What is a “Self-Led Divorce®?”
When divorce or separation has been considered, Compassionate Mediation offers a neutral forum to explore all options with compassion and respect. If divorce is the final outcome, you will be able to create a SELF-led Divorce® that will be for the highest good for all concerned.
A SELF-led Divorce® is one in which you and your partner communicate from your highest and best SELF with compassion, confidence, clarity and courage to peacefully and respectfully re-structure your family.
When Should You Seek Compassionate Mediation?
The sooner Compassionate Mediation® is begun, the better. You will be informed, empowered and able to communicate with honesty and empathy.
Compassionate Mediation® is will help you:
any time you have problems in your relationship
before, during or after your divorce
as soon as you recognize there are issues that cause you to feel distance or pain
communicate without judgment or blame
create a new and better relationship
Compassionate Mediation® is an opportunity to heal and transform your relationship to foster friendship and trust.
If you have been thinking about a divorce, Compassionate Mediation gives you an opportunity to discuss all of your issues that have caused you to feel unhappy, angry or stuck. You can look at your situation from a new perspective and become more SELF-led.
If you are in the middle of your divorce, Compassionate Mediation is an opportunity to end the legal battles and learn a way to communicate and reach a respectful and equitable settlement.
If you are still suffering or fighting after your divorce, Compassionate Mediation gives you new skills with which to relate to your ex-spouse and create healing in your re-structured family.
Compassionate Mediation is for you if you want to try to create a new and better marriage instead of proceeding towards a break-up or divorce with hurt and anger.
Is Compassionate Mediation the same as marriage counseling?
No, it is more.
In marriage counseling, both parties may seem to be committed to staying in the marriage. However, often one or both may have a secret thought of a separation or divorce that they may not share with their partner. This secret agenda covertly affects the way they are able to participate in the counseling since the discussion about what a separation or divorce would look like is never discussed.
Compassionate Mediation is a program to help individuals or couples who are ambivalent about their future. The conversation helps you to decide whether to divorce or create a new marriage based on who each party is now and what they each want and need from this time forward.
The short-term process of Compassionate Mediation Program gives you and your partner information about all of your options, including a separation, legal separation, or a divorce.
With full knowledge of your potential rights, responsibilities, gains and losses, you might renew your desire to truly heal your current relationship and make positive actions in the direction of meeting both of your needs.
If divorce is ultimately your final outcome, you will embark on the process with much more confidence, clarity and calm, and be able to create a SELF-led Divorce®.
Is Compassionate Mediation the same as traditional mediation?
Again, it’s more. In traditional mediation. both parties are committed to pursuing a divorce, and the mediator helps with that conversation.
Compassionate Mediation® also helps you explore whether a new relationship together is still possible as you learn Compassionate Communication. At the same time, you discuss all your rights and responsibilities to feel fully informed and empowered.
In discussing what a “new marriage” would be, you also have an opportunity to create new patterns for all of your needs – financial, parental, familial, sexual.
Compassionate Mediation allows each partner to feel heard, understood and validated no matter what final outcome is chosen.
Time is provided for you to consider all your options – individually and as a couple.
Often, many of the decisions that would be addressed in a divorce mediation are covered in this process: money, parenting, roles and responsibilities, and any other issues that are causing hurt or dissension.
This way, you can begin to recognize what you have each contributed to the current situation, and what you can do yourself to make it better, including getting a job, helping more with the children, or finally knowing how to listen and empathize with your partner’s feelings.
If separation or divorce becomes your decision, you have each acquired the tools necessary to move forward with more honesty, integrity and respect.
The transition to a SELF-led Divorce becomes a healing opportunity rather than the typical adversarial proceeding it might have become.
Your family does not have to be “broken,” but can be peacefully and respectfully “re-structured.”
You and your partner are both encouraged to consider how your actions and choices have contributed to the current situation.
With no fault or blame, you are free to co-create new solutions with higher consciousness and more SELF-leadership.
When each party is in “SELF,” you are more compassionate, clear, confident, courageous, and connected to your inner wisdom and deeper knowing.
Whether you stay together (and create a new and better relationship) or get divorced, what you learn in the Compassionate Mediation Process will enhance your current relationship and give you more awareness in future relationships.
You can decide to create a new marriage, separate without any legal papers, decide on a legal separation or work together to dissolve your union with a SELF-led Divorce.
Whatever your ultimate decision, healing can happen and peace can be restored.
Love is the answer – and it starts with loving your SELF.
Create the Relationship You Desire and Deserve!
No two relationships are alike. If you take a moment to tell me about yours, I can offer you solutions to help you make the changes you need now.
You’ll get immediate access to a Relationship Assessment, a Compassionate Communication Master Class Video Series and a FREE chapter of my award-winning book on Compassionate Mediation: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce.
I remember when I said “I do” to my beloved college boyfriend two weeks after I graduated college in 1969. I was filled with hope – hope for the marriage of my dreams, hope for the children we had always wanted, and hope for a home we could share with our families, friends and pets. I was blessed for almost twenty years to see those hopes realized.
When I realized our marriage might not last, I never lost hope. I hoped we could find a way around our individual differences. Even as we separated, I hoped we could find our way back to each other and keep our family intact.
Ten years into the separation, I still hoped our divorce would be different, better, more loving than much of the previous decade had been. After we got divorced, I hoped time would heal the wounds caused by the process we had endured. Twenty years after that, I am still hoping things will get better.
The Power of Hope. Or denial. Or refusal to accept reality. Or an opportunity to show courage and confidence in the face of rejection and despair.
Maybe hope is the optimistic expectation that the change you desire is still possible so that you can maintain the fortitude to move forward with trust and faith. There is indescribable power in hope.
I see it with all of my clients. Some come to see me, hopeful that they can improve their lives, either alone or within their relationships. Others arrive with their partners, hoping to restore the love that brought them together when they said “I do.” Sometimes the hope is that they can dissolve their marriage without the warfare, bloodshed, and collateral damage to their children that many divorces can cause.
Hope is what gets them to my office. Hope is what I offer. Hope for a resolution to their relationship that was better than my own. But it’s not just hope I share. I share the wisdom of many teachers, mentors, guides and processes.
And that’s what I’d like to share with you. HOPE and WISDOM when divorce is an option.
When the love begins to fade in a relationship –for whatever reason — a sense of gloom begins to build. Some people are aware of the shift and do what they can to work through it – individual counseling, couples counseling, sometimes separating to focus on their own issues for awhile. Or they get a divorce, often too quickly and with too much acrimony and drama.
When you feel “stuck” in a relationship that is no longer meeting your needs or desires. that state of limbo can be painful. In fact, of all of my clients, the ones who are not sure if they want to stay or go seem to suffer the most.
They are locked in a no-win situation, where they can’t take a step closer to their partners – either because their hearts are walled or the filters through which they judge the other are clouded with blame. Or they can’t take a step away because of fear or guilt or worry about their future or their children.
Being at a crossroads without a clear direction gives them a sense of hopelessness which leads to inertia and despair.
Hope and wisdom — with inspired action — is so powerful.
It’s like giving a poor man a fishing pole instead of a fish.
It’s like offering a map to someone lost in the desert.
It’s like a finding a bridge off an island of pain to a better place.
HOPE. (deep breath). HOPE. That’s what I want to share with you now.
If you are – or know someone who is
Considering a separation
Contemplating a divorce
Going through a divorce
Still suffering from a divorce in the past
Let’s offer you or them some HOPE today. Hope and wisdom which can lead to inspired action.
Compassionate Communication and Compassionate Mediation® can heal and transform your relationship when hope and wisdom lead to inspired action steps in the direction of the highest good for all concerned.
Hope can move you from heartache to healing to happiness. One step at a time. I’d love to help you on your path.
If you’re like many of my clients, you’re feeling:
• stuck
• confused
• anxious
• guilty
• hopeful that you can change your relationship
• or scared that it may lead to a separation or divorce.
I’m Linda Kroll. I’m a therapist, mediator, attorney, Chopra-certified master teacher of meditation, yoga, perfect health. As of last year, I’m the author of Compassionate Mediation for Relationships at a Crossroad: Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce.
My intention is that you feel more hope. Deal with where you are right now, and where you can be, even if you don’t see it yet.
If you’re on your own island of pain, feeling alone and lost and confused and scared, I want to help you find the bridge to wherever you’re supposed to go next.
It doesn’t mean you have to take any steps. It just means you get the information you need so that when you’re ready to take a step you know that you have the information that will give you the best guidance.
My intention is that you come out feeling more hopeful and see a possibility that you don’t see right now.
Please remember that it’s never too late to start something new and better together!
