How to Divorce with Compassion by Linda Kroll

How to Divorce with Compassion by Linda Kroll


Compassionate Communication Creates New Beginnings when You're Thinking of Divorce.

The night before I was to be in court to finalize my divorce after a very long separation, I was moved to convert my sadness, hurt and anger into hope for a new beginning. If your marriage has difficulties, or you're thinking of divorce, I want to share with you how I did that for myself.

I wrote a prayer.

When I arrived at the courtroom, I gave a copy to my formerly beloved (and soon to be ex) husband and to his attorney. I hoped to end our marriage in a way that would set the tone for a peaceful and respectful co-creation of our future restructured family.

I wanted us to always be able to Compassionately Communicate –to connect our highest and best SELF, let go of all the limiting (and judgmental) beliefs we held, unburdened pain from the past, and relate from our hearts.

I hoped we could protect our children from the shrapnel of any more animosity or conflict.

I offered it as my prayer, and for some, it can be an intention. It was my heartfelt request for a future of respectful co-parenting, genuine friendship and Compassionate Communication.

I hope others can set the same intention or recite the same prayer.

“Love is the answer – and it starts with loving your SELF.”
Linda Kroll


Linda’s Settlement Prayer

I pray for a peaceful and respectful settlement meeting, in which all parties come together from their Highest Selves and their truest connection to Your guidance, wisdom and love.

I pray that the parts of ourselves that are angry, fearful, defensive, revengeful, retributive, punitive, unloving, unforgiving, sad, young, abandoned, resentful, negative, hurting and hurtful – that all these parts be quelled with the leadership of the Self, coming from a place of trust in Your presence and light.

I pray for compassion, forgiveness, gratitude and appreciation. Although our marriage has come down to a business closing of money and asset division, I ask that we remember the love that brought us together, and the wonderful children, which our union has borne. For their sakes as well as our own, we wish to put an end to this process in as respectful and loving a way as possible.

Although we each carry our sadness and pain and mutual regrets, I pray that we can look beyond this difficult period to a time when we can be friends and coexist peacefully. I pray that our once intact family can be rearranged to two intact and loving homes, where our children feel connected and comfortable. I pray that we can hold in a different light the love that once joined us forever; that on the deepest level we wish each other well as we let go and let G-d direct our lives.

For the sake of all we once had, and for all we had planned to share together, let us now finalize the terms of our marital dissolution so that we are both free to get on with our lives.

Let us complete this last painful task with a sense of trust in the love we once shared and hopefully can remember after this part is over.
Let us not work from purely simple and self-serving motives, but keep in mind the general welfare of each of us, and our children.
Let us request our attorneys to contribute what is needed for the mutual benefit of all concerned.

In the end, let us know that we behaved civilly, that we can look back with a clear conscience, and that as much as we could, we came from our hearts. God bless us and direct us all. Amen.

His lawyer looked it over, and jokingly asked him, “Are there any changes you want to make in this document?”

We all laughed —sometimes through our tears – which is kind of like life.

Even in the heartache, there can come healing and hope.

If you or someone you know is looking at a separation or divorce, please remember that together we can change the face of divorce, one heart at a time.

If you want to improve your relationship, get a FREE Relationship Assessment HERE.

To learn how to offer this process to your clients, please get the FREE ROADMAP and Video Introduction to Compassionate Mediation®


About Linda

As a therapist, mediator, attorney, and author, I help others avoid the pain that my family suffered. My transformational processes of Compassionate Mediation® and SELF-Led Divorce® bring peaceful resolution instead of heartbreak.

If your relationship is at a crossroad, you ‘can add passion to your marriage or compassion to your divorce with Compassionate Communication and Compassionate Mediation®. Please visit for your free chapter of my bestselling book, and for more free gifts and resources to help you add more peace, love and joy to your life – starting now.

You can also take my Relationship Assessment and learn how to make things better!

If you’re a heart-centered professional (therapist, mediator, attorney, coach or counselor,) you can learn how to offer these processes to your clients at

Families need not be “broken,” but can be peacefully and respectfully “re-structured.”

For a copy of the Settlement Prayer or Settlement Intention, please visit my Settlement Intention blog post.

To learn more or get a free chapter of my book go to

To order the book on Amazon: Compassionate Mediation®: How to Add Passion to Your Marriage or Compassion to Your Divorce, please click here.

Click here to get my Kindle book on Compassionate Divorce™: Changing the Face of Divorce, One Heart at a Time,

I'm here to help in any way I can.

The State of “Limbo”

The State of “Limbo”

Welcome to the State of Limbo – that area in the travelogue in which you seem to run around in circles, or just state a sit-down strike and don’t move at all. It may be true that your vistas are limited and your opportunities for new experiences are narrowed. You might be willing to sacrifice the ability to move forward for the security—no matter how fleeting or illusory—of holding onto the relationship, marriage, person and/or dream. It’s your trip and you can plan it any way you want.

And when you visit or move into Limbo, you will be offered incessant advice from well-meaning friends and relatives:

Why don’t you just file for divorce?”

                        “Get on with your life!”

                        “Why can’t you let go?”

                        “You’ll be much better off if you just face reality and move on!”

                        “When are you going to wake up and let your lawyer do his job?”

And some days you will take a few steps forward, to be followed the next day by several steps back into stagnation, lethargy or the familiar territory of the State of Limbo.


Many people wonder why they can’t move on. There are several reasons:

ANGER                        “I'm too angry to make any decision. Let him/her take action. I’m not doing anything!”

CODEPENDENCY     “If I stay nice/loving/available, he’ll love me more/again.”

DENIAL                       “If I don’t make any decisions or take any actions then maybe this really isn’t happening.”

HOPE                         “Maybe he’ll change/end the affair/give up the booze/realize what he’s missing and come home.”

FEAR                          “I’m afraid if I let go, I’ll be a bag lady/alone/unloved unwanted/abandoned.”

FINANCIAL                 “The money is too much to give up.”

GRIEF                         “It’s all I can do to function. I can’t do any more now.”

HEALING TIME           “I’m adjusting to my loss and that’s all I can do at this time.”

LACK OF SELF ESTEEM                “I would be nothing without my spouse.”

MANIPULATION     “I’m waiting for the right time to make any movement. I’m going to travel and spend his money for as long as I can.”

PAIN                           “I hurt too much to add other things to my life now.:

SADNESS                 “I’m too sad to take any action.”

STRATEGIC             “If he has to file first, he’ll feel more guilty and be more generous.”


Sometimes limbo does offer space to heal, grieve, plan, adjust. that is why you must listen to your own inner voice to tell you what is right for you. Don’t take action for the sake of pleasing anyone else or because of what other people think.  It’s your life and your future and you are the best determinate of what is in your best interest. You will know when it is time to move on, and that will be when the pain of staying where you are is greater than the fear of taking whatever is the next step for you (asking him to leave, seeing a mediator, filing for divorce, letting your lawyer do discovery, going back to school, getting a job, etc.)

From time to time, you may feel exasperated with yourself, and then you add “guilt” to the other feelings you are trying to manage:

“I know I should do something more.” (You are “shoulding” on yourself.)

“I feel so bad that I can’t seem to make any decisions.” (Deciding not to decide IS a decision.)

I feel so weak, stupid, powerless.” (As you lower your already vulnerable self esteem quotient.)

Give yourself permission to be wherever you are. Know that you are on your path and you will move forward when you are ready, willing, and able. Don’t compound the pain of divorce with the guilt of “shoulding” on yourself. Allow yourself the time and space and peace you need to adjust before you move on to the next step, whatever that is.


You will be ready to move when you are aware that staying hurts too much. And then you might move into a different state of limbo, but at least you are moving.

Create the Relationship You Desire and Deserve!

No two relationships are alike. If you take a moment to tell me about yours, I can offer you solutions to help you make the changes you need now.

Click HERE to receive your FREE RELATIONSHIP ASSESSMENT. It will be sent to you, along with an invitation to my next LIVE Webinar.



"I’ve experienced significant improvements in my relationship with my husband and children."


"I learned there could be a Compassionate Divorce."


“We’re building an entirely new marriage.”


“Linda guided us mindfully through the impact of divorce."


“I came to Linda seeking mediated divorce documents and came out with nothing but peace and hope."


“I am breaking free from destructive patterns.”


“Linda helped me love all ‘Parts’ of my SELF!”


“With Linda’s caring guidance, I moved forward with peace and strength.”


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