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You can improve all your relationships –
starting with the one you have with your SELF!
Compassionate Communication allows you to connect to your best SELF, letting go of limiting beliefs, unburdening pain from your past, and relate from your heart.
You will know how to speak for all PARTS of yourself with confidence and clarity, as you stay connected to others with compassion.
Watch the video and send questions to Linda@LindaKroll.com.
Create the Relationship You Desire and Deserve
No two relationships are alike.
If you take a moment to tell me about yours,
I can offer you solutions to help you
make the changes you need now.
I’m inviting you to take a few moments, take a few breaths, and as you focus on what a beautiful day it is here and hopefully where you are, go inside and see if you can find a feeling that you haven’t been letting yourself feel.
If it’s a big feeling like sadness or fear or anger or pain, just invite that feeling to titrate.
What does it mean to titrate? it’s like when a nurse comes into a hospital and adjusts the rate of the drip in the IV bag. You can ask your feelings to come out a drip at a time, instead of overwhelming you.
Let’s invite our feelings to titrate in a way that we can handle instead of ignoring them, instead of denying them, instead of staying too busy or eating too much.
Wherever you are now, let’s just connect with our hearts, with each other, and just for a moment allow ourselves to feel a feeling.
Sometimes when we’re lucky enough to have friends that we can feel our feelings with we’re very blessed. In the meantime, we can be our own friend to ourself and allow ourselves to feel what we need to feel.
We don’t need to eat too much or drink too much or deny them or repress them or suppress them, we can just be with what we feel. Even if we can’t be with it because it’s not right right time, let’s just send our feelings some hugs.
Let’s just your feelings know you know they’re there. Go deeper and deeper and send love to your inner child if she or he is still suffering from something unacknowledged, sending love to your inner bride or inner groom who may have some feelings.
I think when we don’t allow ourselves to feel our feelings we get all bottled up, we get stuck, we get heavy, and dense, and slow, and sluggish, and moody.
If we could just acknowledge time to journal or meditate or take a walk or sit in nature or connect with someone we love or cry or vent or scream or whatever you need.
Just take a minute or two. Even if you don’t have that minute or two to be with the feelings, send them hugs. Let them know you’re there, let them know you’re aware.
In the quiet, compassionate, witnessing awareness that we can give our feelings, those parts of us that we exile or ignore, when we take just a few moments to give them the attention they can transform.
We’re just going to take a look at what it’s like to be in nature, to be in a place where we can explore our inner being and not have to do, be, do.
Here’s my little spot, right there, welcome you to join me, and here’s what it \looks like when I come here.
I just knew I wanted to be with you today. Nothing special, just sending love, and sending a request if you choose to join me, and taking a moment to take a breath and take a look inside and be with ourselves in a loving, compassionate, giving way that will give so many other people in our lives.
Even a few moments will make the difference. We can all pretend we’re taking a little walk deeper, and deeper, and deeper into the core of our being where everything we meet here is love; so your sad parts, your vulnerable parts, your hurt parts, your envious parts, your judgmental parts — just love them all. In loving them all they can transform.
Then when you’ve hugged your feelings send a lot of love and hugs, and understanding, and compassion to the feelings of the people in your life.
You can never have too much love, empathy or compassion.
In this moment of feeling our feelings, allowing them to breathe, bringing compassion to ourselves and ultimately to others, we can also just join hearts and hands in this beautiful experience of life.
Whatever you might be challenged with or struggling with, now or in the past, just allow yourself to feel and reach out for help.
Ask people you love to support you so that you know you’re not alone. Just know I’m sending you a lot of love, a lot of light, a lot of compassion.
Your fear can be a big feeling, but if we just allow ourselves to feel it and just tune in to what you’re afraid of that can dissipate. We don’t have to stay too busy to be afraid, we can just deal with our fear and share it because it’s universal, everything we feel is universal.
Just like the tree is supported by the earth, so too are we. Take a few deep breaths, belly breaths, and as your feet touch the ground, wherever you are, just imagine growing roots to the center of the earth.
Imagine as those roots grow deeper and wider you’re going to feel very firmly rooted, and planted, and grounded.
Invite up from the earth some nurturing and supportive energy. It goes from your feet up through your legs, your thighs, your hips, your groin, your stomach, your chest, and into and around your heart, with all the feelings that you have.
Then allow that nurturing energy from the earth to go up through your throat, your jaw, behind your eyes, your forehead, to the crown of your head, and out the crown of your head all the way to the sky.
Then invite down from the sky, universe, mother nature, higher power, God, what’s ever out there, invite down some very calm and compassionate energy.
Breathe even bigger than yourself so you surround yourself with this calm, compassionate energy. Then focus that compassion inward and find any place in your body where you’re holding tension or tightness, where you’ve got a thought or a feeling, and just allow yourself to be with it.
You don’t have to do anything, you don’t have to make sense of anything, you don’t have to fix anything, you don’t have to change anything, just allow yourself to be.
In that being-ness you’re bringing full presence to the moment.
With your full presence, full awareness, and open heart, your feelings have a place to move and be embraced. As you feel your feelings you might want to journal (or not) or you just might want to take a moment or two and know that you’ve given them some attention.
Thanks for being here, thanks for being with yourself.
Spend a few more moments with yourself and come back and join me at the Botanic either virtually, or like some people can hopefully soon, in person.
Sending you a lot of love, a lot of light, and a lot of hopes for a beautiful day filled with all kinds of feelings and, most of all, ones that bring you gratitude and joy.
Sending you love, bye for now.
xoxoxo
p.s. Feel your feelings so that you can transform them, release them, and let them go. Then you have room for more peace, love and joy. Y
Would you like to heal a relationship? Do you wish you could “start over” when there has been an estrangement? Do you seek hope when things seem hopeless? Or would you like to make a good relationship even better?
You have four magic words at your disposal. And you only need to use them two at a time: “Thank you” and “I’m sorry.”
Try them today and see what happens. You may think you’ve said them, and maybe you have — and maybe not. Or perhaps not enough.
You are probably hoping someone will say them to you first. You have every right to feel that way. However, by keeping score of who says it first or more often, the estrangement continues.
Take a deep breath. Yes. Really. Right now. Just breathe. And once more. And if you’re willing, close your eyes and go inside and see if there is an unspoken “thank you” or “I’m sorry” that you could share with someone you know.
The Magic of “Thank You.”
Who can you thank today? Your partner, your parents, your children, a friend, a coworker, a friend?
You can even thank yourself for all you have accomplished and who you are — instead of any constant internal criticism, comparisons or perfectionism.
How do you think your mother or father would feel to get a call from you to say, “I want to thank you for all you have done for me.” You may think you’ve told them. You probably bought a card on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, sometime in the past.
But just call them out of the blue and give them the gift of your unsolicited and unscheduled appreciation. No matter what mistakes they may have made (and we all make them), they did the best they knew how — according to all they learned along their way. So take a moment to say “thank you.” Let them know you care.
How would you feel if your children said it to you?
Or “Thank you (to your child), for being who you are.” You can add, “I might not always agree with your choices, but I thank you for being a good person/for your loving heart/ for being such a loving sister/brother.”
So many boys and girls – of all ages, even as adults, are seeking their parents’ approval. Congratulating your children for their accomplishments is good, but it sometimes ties your approval with their performance.
Just thank them for who they are, not just what they do, and watch their self-esteem expand.
Imagine how your partner would react for a heartfelt “thank you” for just about anything. Try it and see.
Thank you for all the love you give to me and our family.
Thank you for all you contribute to our home, health and happiness.
Thank you for understanding me all these years.
Thank you for your kindness/patience/good humor/affection.
The list goes on, and so does the opportunity for more connection and intimacy. You can never be too grateful, and their gratitude will flow back to you for your generosity of heart and spirit.
Thanking a friend can add so much value to their life and your friendship. Sometimes we take for granted all that our friends do for us, or we thank them at the time for a gift, lunch, or gesture. But go one step beyond. Take a moment to reach out, even years later, to thank them for their constant support and encouragement, their presence in your life, or all that they mean to you.
If there is someone who touched your life years ago, and you’ve lost contact, then find them on social media (Facebook, Linkedin) and reach out with a “thanks.”
Maybe they will pay if forward – either back to you or someone else, and you can start a chain of gratitude that can help encircle the world with love!
Say thank you at work, and make someone’s day. If you are the employer, you know that your words can often be a morale boost. If you’re a co-worker, you feel seen and appreciated by a peer. And if you’re an employee and you don’t have access directly to your superior, then thank them with an attitude change that appreciates the best of what they intend, instead of harboring negative thoughts or resentments about what they sometimes do.
No matter where, when or how, a heartfelt “thank you” is always a gift.
The Miracle of “I’m Sorry.”
It’s never too late. Really, it’s not.
Often, we push things under the rug rather than talk about them. Time goes by, and we assume that the other person has moved on, and that bringing up a topic will open an old wound. However, more often than not, that wound is still there, and the balm of your words it what is needed for true healing.
Your parents.
Just as our parents made mistakes, so did we as children. And as adults. Probably the way we talk to our parents or lose our patience is a habit that we don’t even notice. Sometimes the older they get, the more our patience is tried as their caregivers. Say you’re sorry.
You might do it again (lose your patience, have a tone, avoid contact), but you can take a moment and acknowledge that you could have done it better, and you can be better from now on.
You never know how long we have with them. Don’t leave any words unspoken.
Your Children
Don’t be afraid to apologize. It doesn’t mean that you are a bad parent. It doesn’t mean that you lose status.
It means you have the courage to acknowledge your mistakes, and you model for them how to do the same.
You mean well. You do what you do for their sake. You worry about them and set boundaries for them, and care very much. And you may sometimes yell, or criticize, or berate, or become intolerant, judgmental or demeaning.
You may be right in what you are saying but not in how you are saying it.
Your tone has even more impact than your words, and you can say you’re sorry for the way you expressed yourself. You don’t need to justify your actions. In fact, when you try to explain your motivation or reasoning, it takes the focus off your apology and sounds like a justification.
Just say you’re sorry, and let them know you empathize with how you made them feel (sad, scared, hurt), and you don’t want to do that to them.
Believe me, it’s never too late.
Your Partner — and even your EX partner!
“I’m sorry” is like a magic elixir. Marriages can be save, revived, and healed – even after they’ve ended.
You know that there are things you have done which have hurt or scared your partner. It’s good to stop doing those things – yelling, withholding, or a myriad other ways you’ve coped with your feelings.
You can offer the Miracle of Empathy. You can let them know that you realize how they must have felt, understand how your actions impacted them, and that you’re sorry.
And if you do the same thing again, be sorry again. Not rotely, but with true empathy at their experience of being on the receiving end of disrespect.
If you think it’s too late to say “I’m sorry,” to your former spouse, you are totally wrong.
Too many marriages end with silent regrets, unacknowledged gratitude, and unspoken apologies. The wounds can stop festering over time, but many of them never truly heal. Your willingness to acknowledge your mistakes with an open-hearted “I’m sorry,” can heal your re-structured families for the benefit of all concerned.
Instead of needing to keep your walls up when you are in close proximity (family events, graduations, weddings, holidays), you are free to “start over,” as two people who once loved each other enough to promise to stay together forever, but who now can co-exist with mutual courtesy and civility.
The magic of “I’m sorry,” is at it’s best no matter when you share it. You don’t even have to go into detail about why you’re sorry or what you did.
Just offer those two words. Your “ex” will get it. And no matter what their initial response (gratitude, indifference, anger), you’ll know you did your part to offer your amends with the restorative power of empathy.
“I’m sorry” to a friend.
No matter how far back in time, those words now still help. No one of us is perfect. We all make mistakes. Some are inadvertent, and some were an outcome of our immaturity or selfishness in the past.
If there is something you did (or didn’t do) that affected someone’s life or day, and you know what it is and have felt bad about it, then reach out and apologize. Send them a message on Facebook, no matter how “random” it feels.
Just say, “I’m sorry for (whatever you did or didn’t do) and I wanted you to know. I hope your life is going well. All my best, (your name.)”
I have a friend who got her apology from a classmate at their 50th reunion, and she was relieved it finally came. A half-century later.
“I’m sorry,” in your workplace.
With the hierarchy in some businesses, there may be a lot of mumbling or grumbling covertly with feelings that have been ignored or hurt.
Just as with all the other relationships mentioned already, you can find a time or a way to convey your amends.
If it feels like it may be awkward you can change the energy with which you relate to that person. Don’t avoid them. Reach out. Start over.
But those two words, “I’m sorry,” will let you truly re-boot the connection into one of more trust and respect.
You can heal your relationships, “start over” when there has been an estrangement, bring back hope for a better future, and make your good relationships even better.
One phone call. One text. One message. One moment. Change the dynamics of your relationships today, with those four Magic Words – two at a time, or all four together: Thank You. I’m Sorry.
The Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono
Some religious practices have a Day of Atonement where we ask others to forgive us for anything we may have done to hurt or offend them. While this is always a good practice, it is only once a year. We can say “I’m sorry” anytime, and also offer gratitude and love.
The Hawaiian practice of Ho’oponopono is four simple steps. You repeat:
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
I’ve got my list of people to contact. Do you have yours?
Now, say it to yourself – I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you ,and I love you —
and have a wonderful day!
You can Create the Relationship
You Desire and Deserve!
February 14,
My Dearest Beloved (put in YOUR NAME),
On this, your (your age) Valentines Day, I want to let you know how much I adore
you. Everything about you. Your body, mind and soul.
I love your spirit, and the way you want to bring love and joy wherever you go.
I love your heart, and how you share it with your family, your loved ones and the world.
I love your mind, and how it constantly creates.
I love your organization, and lack thereof.
I love your quest for growth, and how you continue to expand your understanding of yourself and others.
I love your humanity.
I love your divinity.
I love your bigness and your smallness, for it is all the same.
I love your compassion, and hope that you continue to give it to yourself as well as to others.
I love you for the mistakes you think you have made, and what you have learned from them.
I love the way you love your children and grandchildren, and all children and grandchildren.
I love the way you entertain.
I love the way you hibernate in your flannels in bed.
I love your ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder).
I love your HSP (Highly Sensitive Personality).
I love that you are nuts.
I love how you sing and how you dance.
I love how you cook, and I love you when you don’t.
I love all your hurts and wounds, and all the healed places in your heart that are stronger where they were broken.
I love your optimism, hope and cheer.
I love your depression, worry and fear.
I love your anger, and I love that you are learning to love it too. Or at least to give it its rightful place in your repertoire of feelings.
I love that you are allowing yourself to feel and to express.
I love that you are forgiving yourself for all that you have repressed and suppressed.
I love your kindness, thoughtfulness and generosity.
I love your selfishness, thoughtlessness and pettiness.
I love your superficiality.
I love your depth.
I love all the ways you have chosen to hide.
I love your courage in being seen.
I love the judgments you have made.
I love that you are trying not to judge.
I love the ways you love.
I love the ways you give.
I love the ways you (add your own)…
I love you unconditionally and completely.
I love you in all the ways you have ever hoped to be loved – safely, completely, forever.
I see you, I get you, I appreciate ever nuance of your being.
You make me laugh. You make me sing. You make me dance.
With you I am safe, at peace, at home.
You are the one I have been waiting for.
You are all the parts of me I have shown the world and all that I have disowned.
You are my highest, truest and best Self, And I am yours.
Now and forever,
My Dearest Valentine… with all my heart.
For weeks, the “e” key on my computer stopped working. I put off getting it fixed, and when I finally focused on doing that – I was four days out of warranty and looking at a $900 repair.
I procrastinated getting the help I needed and instead overcompensated by cutting and pasting in “e’s” when I typed (yes, it was THAT nutty and labor-intensive!)
Inspired to add more music to my life and remember to add more loving care for myself, I started to journal. Here’s what I wrote, and here’s what happened. It’s a miracle! 🙂
I WROTE just now:
I’m going to take time to SLOW DOWN today…. and Breathe.
I’ve been moving at warp speed – (I’ll spare you the list of manic activities I wrote….)
So much still to do, but listening to music and writing now are my priorities in the moment.
Oh yes I also…. (more lists)… and THEN!….here comes the miracle….
OMG – just by slowing down the “e’s” on my computer just started working again. OMG! I have been copying and pasting for days now!
SLOWING DOWN, music, breathing, taking time…. the EASE of the “e’s” just miraculously appeared. It is a miracle. I’m laughing. I made it all harder on myself by over-compensating instead of taking the time to slow down and focus on what needs to be done FIRST.
FIRST comes MEEEEEEEE- with lots of EASY EASE – eeeeeeeee – they are back – my lost e’s.
It’s a miracle. Wow, G-d and the Universe – and my angels and guides, are all here to support me – if I just SLOW DOWN enough to LET THEM!!!
OMG! OMG!!
Thanks to all my angels and guides in my life. I love having my ease (e’s) back! Love to all! <3 <3 <3
Now what can YOU do right now to add more EASE to YOUR LIFE!
