Divorce is like the Dark Night of the Soul
My heart goes out to you.
Anyone experiencing or ever touched by divorce has suffered a loss that was unexpected and devastating. You may be losing your marriage, but you now have the opportunity to find yourself, possibly for the first time in your life. Grieving the losses and feeling your feelings are necessary parts of the process of divorce. But also hold onto the reality that from this point on, your life may offer miracles you may never have dared to dream.
I have come to believe that there is a divine plan for our lives and we do not always understand it as we stumble along our paths. There are things that we are meant to learn, and the universe will give us subtle nudges, stronger hints, overt messages and finally some cataclysmic blows to get our attention to make the changes toward authenticity and self empowerment.
Divorce is the “dark night of the soul” which can either leave you a victim or a more authentic human being, capable of connecting with your Higher Power and true Self.
Divorce is a death – the death of a marriage, the death of a dream – which must be grieved and mourned just like any other demise. Too often people who have never experienced it themselves have no true concept of the enormity of the loss and pain and sadness that accompanies a divorce. It would be helpful if others would treat you with the same amount of deference, empathy and respect that widows and widowers are given when they lose their spouse.
Not only do you lose the spouse, but the dream, the security, the finances, the families, the friends, and often you miss your children on half the holidays for the rest of your life.
Sometimes divorce feels like you are going to your own funeral and being surprised at who doesn’t show up.
Just as people react to a death of a person, you have similar reactions to the death of your marriage.
Elizabeth Kubler Ross described those emotions as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
That translates into:
Denial: “This isn’t happening to me.”
Anger: “Damn it this is happening to me!”
Bargaining: “If I am very good or do this or don’t do that, this won’t happen to me.”
Depression: “Oh G-d, this is happening to me.”
Acceptance: “Thank G-d for what I learned because this happened to me.”
Each divorce is the most painful. Whether there were drugs or alcohol, abuse, infidelity, or the standard “irreconcilable differences,” the pain is intense because it is happening to you and it wasn’t supposed to happen to you. But it has, so what do you do now?
You balance the grieving with the growing, the hurting with the healing, and the losing with the loving – starting with loving yourself. To learn more, please click here.
My heart goes out to you. Anyone experiencing or ever touched by divorce has suffered a loss that was unexpected and devastating. You may be losing your marriage, but you now have the opportunity to find yourself, possibly for the first time in your life. Grieving the losses and feeling your feelings are necessary parts of the process of divorce. But also hold onto the reality that from this point on, your life may offer miracles you may never have dared to dream.
I have come to believe that there is a divine plan for our lives and we do not always understand it as we stumble along our paths. There are things that we are meant to learn, and the universe will give us subtle nudges, stronger hints, overt messages and finally some cataclysmic blows to get our attention to make the changes toward authenticity and self empowerment.
Divorce is the “dark night of the soul” which can either leave you a victim or a more authentic human being, capable of connecting with your Higher Power and true Self.
Divorce is a death – the death of a marriage, the death of a dream – which must be grieved and mourned just like any other demise. Too often people who have never experienced it themselves have no true concept of the enormity of the loss and pain and sadness that accompanies a divorce. It would be helpful if others would treat you with the same amount of deference, empathy and respect that widows and widowers are given when they lose their spouse.
Not only do you lose the spouse, but the dream, the security, the finances, the families, the friends, and often you miss your children on half the holidays for the rest of your life.
Sometimes divorce feels like you are going to your own funeral and being surprised at who doesn’t show up.
Just as people react to a death of a person, you have similar reactions to the death of your marriage. Elizabeth Kubler Ross described those emotions as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. That translates into:
Denial: “This isn’t happening to me.”
Anger: “Damn it this is happening to me!”
Bargaining: “If I am very good or do this or don’t do that, this won’t happen to me.”
Depression: “Oh G-d, this is happening to me.”
Acceptance: “Thank G-d for what I learned because this happened to me.”
Each divorce is the most painful. Whether there were drugs or alcohol, abuse, infidelity, or the standard “irreconcilable differences,” the pain is intense because it is happening to you and it wasn’t supposed to happen to you. But it has, so what do you do now?
You balance the grieving with the growing, the hurting with the healing, and the losing with the loving – starting with loving yourself. To learn more, please click here.
